Let me say from the start that you haven't offended me at all, nor do I think others will be offended. You are raising issues that are important to you, and that's what we do here. And no, I didn't find your post jaded in the least.
I think I have said this to you in the past, but a lot of times a survivor will have difficulties with his sexual identity and boundaries. As adults we are of course responsible for what we do, but before we start getting really negative about ourselves we need to recall that these issues go back to our boyhood, when our ideas about identity and boundaries begin to form - slowly and on solid foundations. Abuse wrecked that for us, and for many survivors that instability is a problem in adulthood. I think this may describe the situation you are in. It is very common for a survivor to be tempted by sexual options that in fact he doesn't want, or which confuse him. This goes back to the conflicting emotions he felt as an abused boy.
You said once before (if I recall correctly) that you were seeing a T and making good progress. Perhaps the present situation is something that also deserves to be considered in sessions with your T.
On the problem of being a Christian I assume you are talking about the possibility that you are gay. If that's the issue, please bear in mind that a man doesn't choose his sexuality any more than he chooses his personality. It's part of who we are. If you are a religious guy and it turns out you are gay, then you would have to conclude that you are the way God made you.
Please also bear in mind that the present fuss over gay this and gay that is basically right-wing conservative polemic. As a scholar who spends his waking hours studying, reading and teaching texts based in religious tradition, I can assure you that almost any point can be "proven" by extracting selected points out of context from a sacred>
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)