No need for an apology. Your thoughts are right on the money.
I think we are all easily tempted to accommodate what we think other people want, because this way we will receive immediate approval and validation. I think this is the situation that has you troubled.
And good thing too! What a heavy price for approval! To be approved for one's acting rather than for one's self? To disrespect oneself or betray one's values for the sake of rewards from other people? I think that is always a danger when we push too hard: on each other and on ourselves.
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)