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#132380 - 05/24/06 11:29 PM What does it mean to be masculine in a ....
TrailofTears Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/06
Posts: 41
Loc: Central Kentucky
Hello all,

I was wondering what it means to be masculine, once we seperate all of the out-dated and irrational stereotypes. I am a sensitive, emotional type of guy, and it isn't easy for me to understnd how to balance my fem/masc energies out in my personality and the way I project myself publicaly. I am predominately Heterosexual and I am no longer sure of what most of the ladies find attractive anymore. All replies welcome.
ToT


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#132381 - 05/25/06 12:48 AM Re: What does it mean to be masculine in a ....
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
According to my wife, these are the best traits in a man:

- Reasonably good looking
- Self-confident (most important)
- Self-reliant/sufficient
- Funny
- Intelligent
- Considerate (note that this is different from "sensitive")
- Strong & Protective

Not sure how well I match up to these.

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#132382 - 05/25/06 02:18 PM Re: What does it mean to be masculine in a ....
george of kent Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
I need to give this question some extended thought.
My first impression, while not disagreeing with Nobby's wife, is that the most masculine attribute we can display is "authenticity."
Just be "yourself", not very concerned with the opinions of others (especially if they conflict with your own core values).
I suspect there is no one single recipe for masculinity. ("Manliness" may be something else in our culture). And, I believe, that sexual orientation doesn't necessarily rule in or rule out any male from being considered masculine.
What I think I'm getting at is that the concept is more than a little bit fluid and highly individualized.
?? You are as masculine as you think you are??
Have I made any sense? Hope this helps the discussion.
Love, etc.,

_________________________
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

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#132383 - 05/25/06 06:05 PM Re: What does it mean to be masculine in a ....
TrailofTears Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/06
Posts: 41
Loc: Central Kentucky
[QUOTE]Originally posted by george of kent:
[QB]the most masculine attribute we can display is "authenticity."
I suspect there is no one single recipe for masculinity.

I must admit you hit the nail on the head (so to speak) when you mentioned Authenticity, that to me is of true masculinity, not the stereotypical macho stuff. I think I would add having integrity (perhaps this is a part of being authentic for me). The main thing I think people miss, is that we are born into a sexist society that divides behaviors, charateristics and even things, into masc. or fem. and I say that we are all first human and should concern ourselves with what it means to be a good and descent person first and foremost. Thanks for letting me share my views.


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#132384 - 05/25/06 06:14 PM Re: What does it mean to be masculine in a ....
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Personally I think Steve McQueen is a good ideal for masculinity. He had integrity, he was strong, and he was definitely a "what you see is what you get" type of guy, which is what I think we have all been getting at.

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#132385 - 05/25/06 06:33 PM Re: What does it mean to be masculine in a ....
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
ToT,

I like George's approach to this one - authenticity. Once we start thinking of desirable traits we start constructing a stereotype that almost all of us will fail to measure up to. Why should we do that?

At the end of the day, what can I do as a man EXCEPT be myself? If I could pull off a massive makeover somehow, how long would it last? Would I be happy? Could I be content with myself knowing that what people see isn't really me? I doubt it.

How to be a man? Let's search for the self-confidence and self-esteem we need to just be ourselves, and work on values and principles rather than the six-pack.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#132386 - 05/25/06 07:08 PM Re: What does it mean to be masculine in a ....
Heartonfire Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 6
Loc: Montreal Canada
Fellow Survivors,

I agree that being authentic is key. I am a little lost today, out of touch with my desires. Or rather, I feel a great desire to be held by a man and kissed by him, today, like my dad used to, except in a loving way, without the sexualness. Is that possible?
And then there is integrity, living our values. What are some of mine? Gentleness, respect and care for others. I do my best to live the principles of compassion, acceptance, and honesty. Though right now, I feel scared of being with my girlfriend and like being agressive with her even--I mean in a selfish, give me sex and leave me alone kinda way. Is that being honest to me?
I hope not. Perhaps I am frustrated and need to let myself be intimate with a man whom I trust.
I also want to be intimate and open with my girlfriend, who I have hurt by pushing away and who is taking space from me. What can I do?
I want to be in integrity with my desire to stay in relationship with her. When I make that choice. I also feel resentful. I can't have all of my desires met at the same time. WAAAH! Big baby. I guess this is what being a man means to me today: making choices according to what I desire most, grieving the loss of instant gratification.
I am still left with a question: How can I honour my desire to be with a man, without breaking any trust?
Thanks for letting me air out my thoughts, guys.

All the best in your journeys,

"A man is, who I am (period!). What kind of man am I? One who shares his heart and bears the pain of being true, until the truth does liberate me. One who recognizes the truths held by others and encourages them to express theirs."

_________________________
Heart on Fire

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#132387 - 05/27/06 01:20 AM Re: What does it mean to be masculine in a ....
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Masculine is so cultural. Even in the US of A, masculine is different, depending on where you happen to live. I have spent my life trying to be masculine because I thought we were supposed to be this way or that. I was always afraid that someone was looking at me funny because I was moving or acting in a "sissy" way. What a waste! Wish I had known in my childhood what I know now. Would I have cared what those jocks thought? Nah! I would still stay out of their way....I ain't stupid, but I would have recognized that pretty much all they had going for them was their "masculinity". But, see, that's not masculinity. That's some sort of western I've-gotta-surive-in-the-wilderness-look-at-those-muscles-I'm-gonna-swoon macho. That's not masculinity. There's this continuum of masculine and feminine, see..... I'm so tired of continuums. I always end up just on the wrong side of continuums. Once again we're labeling. You're a man. You're masculine. End of discussion. I think you have to define it person by person. I know that's a copout, and society will always do the John Wayne and June Allison thing...at least my generation will. There's no way around it. "My boy will play baseball, and football, and wrestle. My girl will play with paper dolls, and like pretty things, and take dancing lessons. You're taking him where to do what? No son of mine is going to walk around in tights, and put those paper dolls away before someone sees 'em. Other guys get sons. I got this. You wanta dance, sissy, is that what you wanta do?"

God gave us us. He gave us bodies and personalities. How fortunate are those whose bodies and personalities not only match but fit nicely into the society to which they were born. It's the whole ugly duckling thing all over again, only so many ugly ducklings never find the swans. You're beautiful TofT just the way you are. Take my word for it. You are your own kind of masculine. I bet I'd like you lots better than I liked any of the jocks in my high school. Just be. I know...easy for me to say. You're a great guy. I can tell by the things you write. Just be who you are. After all those years of trying to change, I still walk the way I always did, and use my hands the way I always did, and laugh the way I always did. That's how God made me. That's who I am, and I don't care where I happen to be on the damn continuum. Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#132388 - 05/28/06 02:28 AM Re: What does it mean to be masculine in a ....
TexasCowboy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 22
Loc: Houston, TX
Quote:
Originally posted by george of kent:
I need to give this question some extended thought.
My first impression, while not disagreeing with Nobby's wife, is that the most masculine attribute we can display is "authenticity."
Just be "yourself", not very concerned with the opinions of others (especially if they conflict with your own core values).
I suspect there is no one single recipe for masculinity. ("Manliness" may be something else in our culture). And, I believe, that sexual orientation doesn't necessarily rule in or rule out any male from being considered masculine.
What I think I'm getting at is that the concept is more than a little bit fluid and highly individualized.
?? You are as masculine as you think you are??
Have I made any sense? Hope this helps the discussion.
Love, etc.,


_________________________
The strongest hearts are sometimes broken,
As the deepest thoughts arent always soken,
and the greatest wounds we hide inside ourselves where they never show

Top
#132389 - 05/30/06 08:37 PM Re: What does it mean to be masculine in a ....
TrailofTears Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/06
Posts: 41
Loc: Central Kentucky
Perhaps I just cannot see what is masculine and attractive about me. I want to be more in touch with what is 'authentically' masculine about me. I think it could raise myself esteem and help balance out my self-concept. I am sometimes painfully aware of my feminine side....or perhaps I am just buying into the beliefs of a sexist society that says everything is either masc. or fem. At any rate, I am seeking out what is good and lovable about me...what contributes to making me a desirable type of man. Authentic, I can do that, but is that it?


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