Newest Members
mossTI, E35, 1975, Lucy, StacyR
12337 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
No Birthdays
Who's Online
2 registered (Vedder32, 1 invisible), 14 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12337 Members
74 Forums
63420 Topics
443378 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#132336 - 04/22/06 05:33 AM Where to from here
kaceechase Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/05
Posts: 132
Loc: Georgia
I am Gay and I Have just gotten out of a relationship and reliaze that I DO NOT Like Sex! I am truly sexualized and find many things sexual and like looking but If I never have sex I don't think I would really mind. I like alot of things that could be considered sexual yet I want nothing to do with either of the two main areas of sex. I am trying to be polite.

I use to claim I am the worse homosexual on the planet. I don't have a clue what to do from here. I want to be in a relationship and have a BF But honest I don't want sex so How is that fair to anyone.

Does that Mean I get to stay alone and amuse myself? Anyways thnx for letting me vent.

_________________________
Come What May!
My name is Ken
I am a Work in Progress, Please excuse the mess from time to time!

I finally Realize, The abuse and it's Direct effects are NOT MY FAULT but The Rest of MY Life IS!

Top
#132337 - 04/22/06 05:19 PM Re: Where to from here
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Ken,

First, it's a brave thing to say what you have here; you deserve a lot of respect for that.

I think we are all sexual beings, but of course there are matters of degree and that can only be decided by the individual. But somehow it seems to me that you are NOT happy at disliking sex. So the question becomes one of WHY you don't like sex.

One possibility is that you like relationships but when they become sexual you feel you are being used, like you were when you were abused. Others ideas could be proposed, I'm sure. But at the end of the day I hope you don't feel devalidated by such feelings, whatever their source. I think it's the most natural thing in the world for a survivor to have difficulty expressing himself sexually.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#132338 - 04/22/06 05:53 PM Re: Where to from here
george of kent Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
One can live a satisfying live as a celibate. Honest!
If you are comfortable with the idea of non-sexual relationships, then the opportunities for volunteerism, community service, etc., are virtually endless -- and along the way you might make some very good friends, male and female and, still non-sexually, thereby have a very full and fulfilling life.
If, on the other hand, celibacy is not a freely chosen life style for you, some sort of counseling/therapy seems, to me, to be the best recourse to discover (and then deal with) whatever underlying issues may be interferring with your finding pleasure/satisfaction in having a fully sexual relation with another person.
Just my "two cents" -- hope it helps a little.
Love, etc.,

_________________________
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

Top
#132339 - 04/23/06 09:36 AM Re: Where to from here
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida
I think that you will find that many people have endless varieties of sex drive. I also think that if you find someone who is understanding and truly cares for you, things can be worked out to be satisfying to both of you.

Maybe your attitude and drive towards sex has been affected by the abuse?? OR, have you ever had a testosterone level check? Though I am not an MD, I know that this can have a dramatic effect on sex drive, as does depression.

Regardless of the "reason", maybe this whole thing will give you a chance to focus on the other aspects of relationships and if someone you are seeing can't accept where you are at, then you really don't need him, eh? Remember, you have to kiss a lot of toads before you find the prince \:\)

SD

_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

Top
#132340 - 04/24/06 06:40 AM Re: Where to from here
lostone Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/09/05
Posts: 14
Ken

I have problems with wanting to have sex. I am a bi guy and I only have sex maybe 4 times a year with my wife that I have been with for years. I don't have an interest having intercourse (PS I may be a gay guy in denial). I don't have a problem getting an erection masterbating myself. What I do with myself and with my fantasies I own. It is not from someone wanting something from me. My wife understands that I have issues with my sexuality, sexual identity, what happened in my past etc etc. She loves me and wants to be with me just the same and she is an amazing human being full of love. For many people being in a relationship without any or much sex is too much but they are out there, people who have hearts of gold.


Top
#132341 - 04/24/06 11:25 AM Re: Where to from here
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida
Lostone:

You brought up an interesting point that I wonder if it was ever discussed - You said that you don't have any problems with MB which makes me wonder if this is common to many of us who are suvivors of CSA. MB is one sexual activity over which we have total control - it doesn't involve anyone else wanting anything, or judging us. Does this make sense? To me this rings so closely to SA and eating disorders - so many anorexics have said that this was the only thing in their lives that they COULD control completely.

Does this make sense, or am I completely off base?

SD

_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

Top
#132342 - 04/24/06 06:14 PM Re: Where to from here
kaceechase Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/05
Posts: 132
Loc: Georgia
You are so right SD. I definetly have issues with control. I am working on it but wow I am really finding that I do try to control my life and Guess what? I suck at it. LOL I do realize that control is only an illusion. But yeah I do realize my sexual issues are probably tied to my control issues and I am so tired of it all But I press on. As usual.

PS Good to see you again and everyone thnx for the feed back. It does help.

_________________________
Come What May!
My name is Ken
I am a Work in Progress, Please excuse the mess from time to time!

I finally Realize, The abuse and it's Direct effects are NOT MY FAULT but The Rest of MY Life IS!

Top
#132343 - 04/27/06 12:34 AM Re: Where to from here
Russ2 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/28/03
Posts: 77
Hi KCC,

It is possible for you to have a meaningful relationship, if you want to find it. Of course, finding another man who is not interested in having sex is no easy task -- but it can be done. Just be very open and honest when it comes to saying what you are looking for in that person. Good luck.

Russ


Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.