The truth of the matter is that our sexuality is incredibly complicated; only narrow-minded advocates really think of it as an alternative between straight and gay. And in any case, there's nothing wrong with being gay. If that is who you are, okay. It is what it is.
But you know, Alan, so many guys get so messed up by their abuse issues that, trained to see "gayness" as some great boogeyman, they wonder if their agony over abuse means they are gay. They wonder, okay, did I really "like" it? I must be gay. Why didn't I put up more resistance. I'm gay. Why didn't I tell. I'm gay.
The problem with this is that being gay, or whatever our sexuality is, is a PART of who we are. It's in our heart and soul. We don't CHOOSE it. We simply ARE.
Abuse, on the other hand, is a terrible crime committed against us by someone else. It's a huge mistake to imagine that because same-sex sexual acts are often involved, abuse has some connection with being gay. Abuse is about power: a sick need to reduce a child to such powerlessness as to demand from him the last thing he wants to give - sex.
I know how you feel what you say you feel nothing sexually. I'm happy to stand up and say me too. I wish to God it were different. I feel robbed, and I have been robbed. So has my wife. But I am trying to fight back, and I hope you will as well.
I hope you have a T to help you through this. If ever there was an issue where we need professional help to get us through the minefields unscathed, this is it.
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)