Yes, you have made some important progress even though you feel like you are in a tailspin.
Crying means you are getting back in touch with feelings you have held in check for a long time. By letting them out you will be able to think and talk about them and finally to deal with them. It's a great advance!
You feel tired and vulnerable because you ARE tired and vulnerable. It's emotionally exhausting to do this work, and when we move forward we are often in new territory where we are not sure how we will proceed or what we should do next. I have sometimes felt like I am rediscovering myself.
It's all very confusing, so rant away as much as you want. We have all been there.
You ask a good question:
What can anyone see sexually exciting in a 5 year old boy?
The answer is not a lot. The pedophile is attracted more by the opportunity to wield absolute power over a helpless victim, even to the extent of having sex with him - the last thing the child would want. It's really about power, not sex, which the predator could easily find elsewhere.