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#132286 - 03/01/06 03:47 AM Shemales, Transexuals
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
I am going out on a limb here because I have never mentioned this to anyone but my wife. I was molested at age 9, male on male. One night at a friends house his father put his D+++ in my mouth and came. My father later exposed me to many forms of pornography. My wife and others know this information but my wife is the only one who knows I have an urge to look at shemales, especially asian. The more female looking the better. I think this is because of the confusion "sexual" from the molestation it left me confused and in the middle so to speak. I am not attracted to the male body in any way but I do have an attraction to a penis on a female body. I feel like I would enjoy getting them off, like pleasing the man who molested me. I have had trouble in my marriage because I want to please, I have a hard time letting her please me and she finally had an affair with a man that only wanted to be pleased, he came in a matter of minutes and she felt wonderful because it increased her self worth in the sexual arena. We are still together and she was also molested at an early age. This thing "molestation" has to stop, it is killing relationships and peoples lives on a daily basis. I am happy to be a survivor but damn this sexual dysfunction thing is lingering. I usually masterbate once a day and now I am getting it down to once a week, I look or looked at shemales, older women, I have even looked for older men with younger males and older men with younger females to see what my wife went through and it is like a turn on or something. Thinking that others are horny makes me excited, I cant exactly say what it does but I know I have been addicted to porn for a long time. I have also been to the porn shops with the movie booths, men have knocked on my door and I felt appauled but when I left I got excited, I thought that they wanted me for my looks and that was it, I could never get into the male body. It might be because it was dark the night I was molested and the only thing I saw was his penis and that was my first sexual experience. I am so glad all of you are here to talk to, it gives my soul rest knowing I am not alone.

Is anyone else attracted to shemales or transexuals?

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#132287 - 03/01/06 07:11 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
John,

I don't have such attractions, but I hope you don't feel negative about yourself because you do have such attractions. That is just one area in the broad and varied range of human sexuality. The real issue is the way it interferes with your relationship with your wife. She would be justified in asking you to make a choice.

Bear in mind that when we were abused as boys, the foundations that we were beginning to lay down in the area of sexuality were wrecked, and everything else that came along after that stands on this wreckage. No wonder we have difficulties!

I don't recall if you are in therapy. If not, this is something you should look into. This topic is a minefield and a good therapist really can help.

I wish you all the best as you try to sort this out.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#132288 - 03/01/06 11:52 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
I have been in counseling for some time and my T told me that it was natural to have the attractions. I am not hung up on it or anything but reading some of the post in here has helped me bring it to light and I just wanted to know if anyone else had the same feelings. My wife is very understanding and helpful, she has given me time to sort all of this out over the last few years. This place is the best thing I have ever had in regards to help, I love it and all my brothers here. I hope it is okay to call all of you my brothers because that is the way I feel.

Thanks for responding Larry.

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#132289 - 03/02/06 12:01 AM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
The things that people talk about on here help me understand things about myself and I thank each and everyone of you for posting it is really great. I had always thought I was a bit off because of the penis on a girl thing but knowing that others are confused about sexuality helped me come to understand that I am not a nut just coping with what happenned to me as a child. I love the female body, have no attraction to the male body, but the penis and ejaculation is somewhat exciting but that is because that was my first sexual experience.

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#132290 - 03/02/06 05:34 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
John,

My own take on sexuality is that it usually isn't the individual that is messed up, but rather the fault lies with society's insistence on defining sexuality in extremely narrow terms to suit old rigid moral sensibilities that were not even followed in their own time.

For the individual, like you and me, the crucial questions seem to be these: 1) Am I being totally honest with myself about my sexuality? 2) Am I being responsible where my relationships to others are concerned? and 3) Do I feel sexually fulfilled? Anyone who can answer yes to all those should not worry a lot about the hangups of other people where other issues are concerned.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#132291 - 03/02/06 11:07 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Good point Larry,

Thanks

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#132292 - 03/07/06 12:17 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
yes, i too am drawn to shemales. i have also had to admit to myself that i am bi. yes, i too believe male on male abuse leaves you with this desire. no one really knows why. some theorize it is an attempt to get control over something where you didnt have control. the fantasy or actual actions are driven by this need to gain control, or so that line of thinking goes.

in my experience, once you've crossed certain boundries, and enjoyed it in some fashion, it becomes a draw to you from then on. when you are drawn to it, but it conflicts with your sense of morality, then you have a huge problem.

in my mind, an atraction for a shemale is the most acceptable expression of male on male fantasy and atraction. your mind deals with it a little better because the packaging looks female, a slight more palletable form to your morality that says having sex with another man is wrong. it is kind of a way of treading that water without getting in all the way.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#132293 - 03/09/06 12:13 AM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Phoster you spoke my mind, thanks for responding, I don't feel so crazy about the attraction, the funny thing is it is dying away one day at a time. I find that when I am stressed I feel the need to look at them, but when everything is going okay I am not attracted to them and think it is gross. Mixed up from the stress and the need to control the sex. My T also told me that I was trying to control my life and with porn and masturbation I had control with the porn because I could pick the image and the scene I wanted to experience and it also released stress.

Thanks for responding,

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#132294 - 03/09/06 02:50 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
personally, i have found masturbation, fantasy,writing and porn to be very valuable tools in filling in the gaps in my sex life. i have found you can't be too hard on yourself. these types of atractions formed for whatever reason, the abuse, acting out, or just came natural. now that they are there, embracing them, and enjoying them within the framework of your chosen life is a huge relief. i used to feel so guilty and ashamed of my atractions, that i beat myself up over them, and that isnt good. i dont think we can pick and choose our atractions, but we do control how we act on those. i hope you find happiness and fulfillment, and relax. you're okay. in the end, the world doesnt care what you fantasize about.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#132295 - 03/09/06 06:22 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I really like Phoster's comment here:

Quote:
in the end, the world doesnt care what you fantasize about.
Nor should the rest of the world care! At least you guys are laying it on the line. I wonder what the results would be if the rest of the world was that honest. I bet we would see a whole new definition of fantasy! \:\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#132296 - 03/10/06 06:04 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
i have had a hard time at points, because believe me, shemales are only one small part of my sexuality. i just gave up trying to apply all sorts of labels, and just coined the term omnisexual to describe myself. let your mind wander, and i would likely enjoy it. it would be easier to name things i wouldnt like than what i do. despite that, i have lived a fairly ordinary life as an adult, because i hid and controlled this. the main difference between now and before is that i am honest with myself, and i allow myself to just enjoy the person i am.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#132297 - 03/10/06 11:54 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Man you guys are right, it is just fantacy, and who cares, hell I bet people who have not been molested have fantacy's about the so called wierd sexual things. I am going to let it rest and I embrase my feelings, either way they are going away one day at a time, or should I say dieing down anyway.

Thanks for your post, it is great to know I am not alone in all of this. Without you commenting I would have felt like I was back in the boat alone, thanks for being honest and brave enough to let it out, it really helped me.

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#132298 - 03/11/06 03:29 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
John,

I would be willing to bet that experts would tell us that EVERYONE has sexual fantasies. So far as I can see, so long as a guy's thinking is honest and responsible, acting on his sexual thoughts will not be a cause of harm to himself or others.

I don't mean to be over-simplistic here. It's no mean trick to stay honest and responsible where sex is concerned! But I think it's a good yardstick to bear in mind when we are tempted to get down on ourselves over sexual issues.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#132299 - 03/13/06 11:23 AM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
John,

it isnt really as simple as saying, 'i'm going to be okay with this now.'

what it really takes is being okay with it deep down inside. you can try and pull it off mechanicly, where you tell yourself, i'm cool with this, but i found that didnt work too good. i really didnt get relief until i was okay with it deep down inside, on a moral, soulful, fiber level. anything short of that, and you act one way on the surface and another way inside, so you end up feeling fake and guilty. i'm not even really sure when that change happened for me, or what brought it on. i just kept digging into the abuse, the pain, my sexuality, and i found a lot of others have the same fantasies. it all helped me to come to peace with it. now i give myself credit. i've had all this stuff all my life, but i have also had the self-respect and self-discipline to control how i act. i could have just gone with it, and ended up in jail or something, but i didnt. sometimes, it is easy to overlook the strength and good things we done, and beat ourselves up over the bad. i have a bad habit of that, but i am getting better at that too.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#132300 - 03/18/06 11:17 AM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
I agree phoster, I totally agree. I am saying just what you said in the end of your post, I am just not going to beat myself up over anything any more. That seems to help with the fantacy also, the less I stress over it the more I feel the need to act out.

Thanks guys,

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#132301 - 03/18/06 11:18 AM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
The "less" I feel the need to act out. The more I thought or worried about I felt the need to act out more, stress drives you to act out I think.

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#132302 - 04/03/06 02:14 AM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
bodser Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 1
Loc: london
Dear John,
In reply to your post of 28 February, I am very attracted to shemales; but only since seeing them on the internet some years ago. I don't know if I would ever have gone down that path had it not been for that.
I have always counted myself as a hetrosexual, but I am increasingly drawn to shemales. What started as revultion turned to curiousity and then experimenting with ladyboys and shemales for sex. I am single at the moment, so I presume (rightly or wrongly) that in that situation, one's sexual drives can go awray. However, my interest has developed into enjoyment of the shemale penis, as opposed to just the anus. I should add that I am totally abhorred by the thought of the male form and do not have any homosexual inclinations whatsoever.
The best de>
_________________________
Best wishes,
Graham

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#132303 - 04/05/06 01:49 AM Re: Shemales, Transexuals
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
I never had any thoughts of them until the internet, just like you stated. I thought they were disgusting before the internet and then, again just as you said they appeared to grow on me, it actually helped me experience my fear that I would turn out to be homosexual as an adult; like I thought everyone thought I would. I am married with children and I have only experimented with shemales online with pornography and as I said it helped me get it out of my system, I tried it, fantacy and soon came to realize that I did not like it, now I am off of the shemale thing and getting more in tune with my passion for my wife which is great, now that I am not confused about my sexual identity I am growing, feeling different with my wife in bed. I never thought it could be so good, it is different because I have always thought I was the one to please, never pleased always pleasing i.e. I never relaxed and let her please me and it messed things up. I hope this helps.

Thanks for the reply,

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#142958 - 02/23/07 03:22 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals *DELETED* [Re: John Oarc]
Kathryn Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 303
Post deleted by ModTeam


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#142995 - 02/23/07 10:01 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals [Re: Kathryn]
AshSurvived Offline
Member

Registered: 01/07/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Australia
John, I accidentally discovered I was attracted to shemales when I was in my teens in school, I saw one in a magazine. Then years later I stumbled across them on the web. I find the real ones weren't my thing, and later I discovered Futanari - Hentai shemales, and found that does the trick. But like you, the interest is waning. I don't view porn or sexual idenitity as a big deal these days, now that I am in therapy and realising the difference between me and the things the abuse did to me.

As far as finding your own sexuality, I think that just gradually happens as you heal. I'm not sure fantasy or divergent sexuality is anything more than an academic curiosity really; it doesn't make a lot of evolutionary sense to me for people to be much more than vanilla heterosexuals at their core.

_________________________
"It's your world Dave, I'm just livin' in it"

- Harvey Pekar to David Letterman
(American Splendour)

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#143003 - 02/23/07 11:00 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals [Re: roadrunner]
Barney Offline


Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
John, thanks so much for posting your comments re this issue. I really appreciate your honesty and openness with this topic. Once again, I don't feel so wierd and strange knowing others have similar thoughts.

So nice to have a forum to express what is happening inside each of us and learn together how to love and accept ourselves in more ways than I could have ever hoped for.

Barney


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#144031 - 03/04/07 06:32 PM Re: Shemales, Transexuals [Re: AshSurvived]
Daggenfel Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/04/07
Posts: 2
John,
I experienced something similar. For me it was awkward becasue I really supressed my abuse (wouldn't admit to myself it happened for years)and found myself looking at shemales.

Always considered myself straight, have never been attracted to a man, but felt really uncomfortble about it, especially once I started dealing with the abuse. What happened to me though, as a cause of the porn I looked at, was that a roomate saw it cached in my browser, and quietly told all his friends and my girlfriend, who left me. I'm still not over her and it's been a year.

So, I have all these people who think I am a self-loathing homosexual in denial, and it's really stressful to try and explain it, and even if I do, no one believes me...

I keep trying to tell myself that other people's uninformed opinions shouldn't make a difference on how I look at myself but ego already feels pretty fractured from life.

It hurts.



Edited by Daggenfel (03/04/07 06:33 PM)

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#144180 - 03/06/07 12:57 AM Re: Shemales, Transexuals [Re: Daggenfel]
AshSurvived Offline
Member

Registered: 01/07/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Australia
That's really fucked Daggenfel. I hope you find some solace here, it's a great place that helps put these things into perspective and just feel ok to be be on the healing road. Welcome.

_________________________
"It's your world Dave, I'm just livin' in it"

- Harvey Pekar to David Letterman
(American Splendour)

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