It sounds to me that your abuse experiences as a child have taught you that sex is a dangerous and bad thing. What you have described here and elsewhere would, I think, be enough to throw a wrench in the works of any relationship or effort to be meaningfully intimate with another person. The fault is not yours - it's your reaction as a child to what was done to you. The blame belongs to those who harmed you.
As adults we often react to all this by "acting out": doing things that can harm us, but that relieve our pain because at least WE are the ones initiating what is going on. Again, you are not alone.
Why do you yearn for the same sexual experience those guys put you through? Good question. One possible answer is that part of you still feels that this is you - or all you are good for. A totally wrong view of things of course, but again, very common. When I was being abused I was terrified of my abuser, but when he didn't come after me for awhile I wondered what had I done wrong, and in a strange way I missed him when it all ended. These are just a few of the ways abuse messes with our minds bro.
You said this, and I thought it's pretty important:
I try so hard not to get counselling for every one tells me that their is nothing wrong. When i asked my parents why they thought i tried suicide at the age of 16 - they told me that i were selfish and pridefull. I love them - I dont love what is hidden and embossed inside of me.
Liam, a teenager doesn't attempt suicide because he is selfish and proud - he does it because he feels trapped in an intolerable situation that robs life of all its meaning.
I would suggest that you have been poorly advised by those who tell you nothing is wrong. Suicide attempt? Raped child? Hello? Abuse is very difficult to get past, and it's extremely complicated. You really should get professional help. It isn't a shame or a sign of weakness to do so. In fact it takes a lot of courage for a man to seek help on an issue like this.
Yes Liam, you can move forward. Things can get a LOT better. A therapist will help you so much there, and it is the T's job to help you with what is "hidden and embossed inside", as you put it.
That stuff inside, by the way, isn't the real Liam. It's the fears and distorted thinking you were left with as a result of abuse. You don't get to forget bro, any more than a soldier gets to forget the terrible experiences of war. But you go get peace and freedom - you get Liam back.