Supposedly... Taken from ACTUAL
FEDERAL EMPLOYEE JOB EVALUATION SHEETS:

(The ones with stars are some of my favorites)


*"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."*

*"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."*

*"I would not allow this employee to breed."*

"This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

*"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."*

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

*"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."*

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

***"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."***

**"This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."**

*"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."*

"A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

"He doesn't have ulcers, he's a carrier."

"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

"He's been working with glue too much."

"He would argue with a signpost."

"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

*"When his I.Q. reaches 50 we should sell."*

*"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."*

*"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."*

**"A prime candidate for natural deselection."**

"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

*"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."*

*"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."*

"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

*"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."*

"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

**"It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."**

"One neuron short of a synapse."

"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

*"Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes."*

**"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."**

I'll add a few:

"His rent's due & the eviction notice is on the way."

"His elevator doesn't reach the top floor."

"He's one banana short of a bunch."

Victor

Vic,
That was my favorite one too!

Dave,
It seems to me the young lad you speak of is a classic example of what it takes to succeed in life. I mean that sometimes you have to realize how the people you associate yourself with effects your life. I know that when my self-esteem gets low I'm more likely to hang out with people who I would rather not be near. And as a survivor low self-esteem is always a cronic problem. So sometimes you have to make a concious decision to get away from certain situations or people before it starts to drag you down.
mike

mike
that's a good point, I've been in this job for 25 years - I like the basic job.

But I've always had trouble with authority and been argumentitive, and until I started my recovery I would just argue and bitch, carry on and forget it until the next argument. Usually one I would create.

But now I've become aware of my capabilities, and have freed my mind of a huge amount of crap so I am beginning to think clearly, I find that the stuff I used to argue and rage about just pisses me off and I don't react to it.
Instead I get bitter and angry that I am being managed by idiots. It might sound like a typical workers beef I know, but the first job I had after my apprenticship finished was as assistant manager of a quality control department with 8 men under me. I know I can do the damn job.

Now I'm frustrated because my pension and company shares have handcuffed me to the job and I have no chance of promotion any more.
It's a by product of my recovery, I'm now aware of the hole I dug myself into when my disfunctional behaviour controlled me.

And because of that I persuaded the young lad I'd help train to leave.
I'd hate to think that someone could end up trapped anywhere, and he was at risk of that.
Some might say I had no right to do that ( I certainly wasn't the only one ) but I don't think I was telling him, just pointing out a point of view arrived at through my set of experiences.
He's also thanked me for helping him make the choice, and that was a great feeling for me.

If he'd stayed we'd have dragged him down ( the old timers like me ! ) to our level of "who gives a shit ?"

I have made a concious decision to make my life outside of work and to try and not let it bother me.
I'm slowly succeeding and my other interests are so much more important to me now, as are the people I have moved on to meet outside.

Dave

This topic cracks me up. My Dad always said I was the most difficult person who ever lived. Even though I read in a verbal abuse book that is a textbook thing to say to someone like me I think it may be true.

He rightly said that anyone who ever argues with me wants to kill themselves after ten minutes.

It makes me feel better to know my difficult disposition got me away from 2 perp attempts.

Authority Song
John Cougar Mellencamp

They like to get you in a compromising position
They like to get you there and smile in your face
They think they're so cute when they got you in that condition
Well I think it's a total disgrace

CHORUS:

I fight authority, Authority always wins
I fight authority, Authority always wins
I been doing it since I was a young kid
I come out grinnin'
I fight authority, Authority always wins

So I call up my preacher
I say, "Give me strength for Round 5."
He said , "You don't need no strength, you need to grow up son."
I said, "Growing up leads to growing old and then to dying
"And dying to me don't sound like all that much fun."

:|| CHORUS

Oh no oh no
I fight authority Authority always wins

:|| CHORUS


Peace
MO Healing

Dave,
I got a lot of pleasure out of reading your post. Though, I'm sure why.
Maybe that's what I enjoyed.

I also think you'll make a good councelor when the time comes.
That's pretty cool.

mike

Mo, that song reminds me of this one:

I Shot The Sheriff
Eric Clapton

I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy.
I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy.

All around in my home town
they're trying to track me down.
They say they want to bring me in guilty
for the killing of a deputy,
for the life of a deputy.
But I say

I shot the sheriff but I swear it was in self defence.
I shot the sheriff and they say it is a capital offence.

Sheriff John Brown always hated me,
for what I don't know.
Every time that I plant a seed
he said, 'Kill it before it grows'.
He said, 'Kill it before it grows'.
But I say

I shot the sheriff but I swear it was in self-defence.
I shot the sheriff but I swear it was in self-defence.

Freedom came my way one day
and I started out of town.
All of a sudden I see sheriff John Brown
aiming to shoot me down
so I shot, I shot him down.
But I say

I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy.

I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy.

Reflexes got the better of me
and what is to be, must be.
Every day the bucket goes to well
but one day the bottom will drop out,
yes, one day the bottom will drop out.
But I say

I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy.
I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy.

Victor

This could apply to male or female authority figures but here goes...

Giving More Than 100%?

> We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100%.

> Well, here's how you do that. Here's how you can achieve 103%.

> First of all, here's a little math that might prove helpful in the future.

> How does one achieve 100% in LIFE?

> Begin by noting the following.

> IF:

> A = 1
> B = 2
> C = 3
> D = 4
> E = 5
> F = 6
> G = 7
> H = 8
> I = 9
> J = 10
> K = 11
> L = 12
> M = 13
> N = 14
> O = 15
> P = 16
> Q = 17
> R = 18
> S = 19
> T = 20
> U = 21
> V = 22
> W = 23
> X = 24
> Y = 25
> Z = 26
>
> Then:

> H A R D W O R K
> 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = Only 98%

> Similarly,
>
> K N O W L E D G E
> 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = Only 96%
>
> But interesting (and as you'd expect),
> A T T I T U D E
> 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% ... This is how you achieve 100% in LIFE.
>
> Please NOTE:
> B U L L S H I T
> 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
>
> So, now you know what all those high-priced consultants, upper management,and motivational speakers really mean when they want to exceed
> 100%!

Victor