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#132093 - 09/23/05 01:48 PM Moved Posting
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5775
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
I'm moving this comment since it was tacked on a thread that has nothing to do with its topic.

unbreakable
New Here
Member # 2647

posted September 23, 2005 12:41 AM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*****TRIGGERS MAYBE*********

Gentlemen, I see this topic is rarely posted but I will make an attempt anyway. My problem, as a survivor, is that everytime I enter a new relationship I purge my past to the new girlfriend. It's as though my hypervigilance is making me tell her about my childhood and the problems it creates for me today. I do have sexual identity issues, but I really just want to stop talking about the topic. It's as though the promotion of sexual misconduct in this world is a not so gental reminder to me that I need to be defiant toward the world of sexual deviants. I see it comes across as being anti-gay, and therefore classifies me as a homophobe, but in reality I just want the topic to go away. I'm tired of hearing about gay, phedaphilia, nambla, catholic abuse, and any other media or culture promotion. I don't hate or really care, just tired of it being promoted. It's sickens me that every time I see a rainbow sticker it triggers me to think about a subculture of those that would have defended my abuser. I guess my only option is to shut off the TV and find a woman that feels the same way, then surround myself with those that feel the same as I. Thanks for any advice.
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Posts: 6 | From: USA | IP: Logged |


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#132094 - 09/23/05 01:58 PM Re: Moved Posting
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5775
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Unbreakable wrote:

"It's sickens me that every time I see a rainbow sticker it triggers me to think about a subculture of those that would have defended my abuser."

Unbreakable:
I'm not sure what sexual identity issues you say you have ("I do have sexual identity issues, but I really just want to stop talking about the topic." Are you having feelings or thoughts towards males/penises? This is the place to discuss those rather than what sounds like "gay bashing".

Research shows that most pedophiles consider themselves as heterosexual, even when they have male victims. Would you consider a man who is interested in pre-pubescent girls to be a heterosexual? Same goes for those who are attracted to pre-pubescent boys. They are not hetero or homosexuals, they are pedophiles.

Please understand that whatever your issues are that you want to discuss here, there are a lot of decent, non-abusing survivors here who are gay, bi, or uncertain of their orientation. Your comments seem to be unfair/prejudicial towards those whose orientation or confusion has nothing to do with abusing.

You may have a legitimate topic to discuss here about your own identity issues or whether it is a good idea to "purge my past the the new girlfriend".

You are welcome to post here and elsewhere but please realize that your beliefs can be hurtful to others who do not hurt children and are engaging in consensual sexual behaviors.

Ken Singer


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#132095 - 09/23/05 07:05 PM Re: Moved Posting
unbreakable Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/30/05
Posts: 7
Loc: USA
*********TRIGGERS MAYBE**********
My issues are "about", not "toward". I'm not pro, so I'll quietly exit stage "right". Your welcome to delete this thread. Thanks anyway.


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#132096 - 09/24/05 05:01 AM Re: Moved Posting
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Unbreakable, while you can exit stage right, and have every right to do so. It will not help you if you do so. Ken moved your post to here as he thought it was more about, sexual identity than what ever the thread it was in, was talking about.

Take care,
Lostcowboy

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#132097 - 09/24/05 10:04 AM Re: Moved Posting
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Unbreakable,

I want to say that, whatever your issues are, I would never defend an abuser no matter what his orientation.

I resent the implication that the person I am is somehow corrupted or perverted because of something I had no choice in.

It makes me angry and I certainly resent you inferring that I am a pedophile simply because I am gay.

If you have issues with your abuser, and he was gay, then focus on and deal with what he did to you instead of labeling an entire minority for something one person did.

If you want intelligent discourse, then speak intelligently and without slander.


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#132098 - 09/24/05 10:48 AM Re: Moved Posting
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Unbreakable,

I hope you will read my post here and not take it as a personally negative reaction to your own posts. I just want to propose some ideas to you.

Linking gays with pedophiles is an old heterosexual prejudice, and one will find similar sexual prejudices in old traditional ideas about blacks, women, etc. It's an especially touchy issue here because we have a large membership of gay survivors; there is no reason to think that their sexual orientation renders them suspect as possible abusers. It is a huge error to think that because a man is gay he would defend perps. It's just untrue bro!

You also comment that "I need to be defiant toward the world of sexual deviants" and you say you want it all to go away. The problem with the "deviants" issue is that in modern Western society how a man expresses his sexuality with other consenting adults is his business and his alone. We all have different sexual interests, and talking about "deviants" is just not helpful. The term is polemical only, and its only function is to claim, without argument or proof, that something is wrong with people who don't behave exactly as I do.

Traditional heterosexual men often feel very threatened by gays. I am not sure why that is, but you should know that as Dewey comments, gays do not "choose" to be gay, they just ARE gay. In terms of judging someone's value as a person, saying someone is gay is as useless a criterion as judging who is better or worse on the basis of their hair color. Again, it's just prejudice, though a very tenacious one buttressed by religious dogmas and centuries of false reasoning.

On wishing it would all go away, I would say that on the contrary, it sounds like this is an area you definitely need to look at. It is clearly very threatening to you and causing you a lot of distress. I suspect that this place could do you a lot of good, and I would suggest that no one who has commented here is against you personally. Ths issue is just that in dealing with these problems we all have to respect each other. There really is no other way.

Take care,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#132099 - 09/25/05 02:40 AM Re: Moved Posting
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi unbreakable you said,
Quote:
It's sickens me that every time I see a rainbow sticker it triggers me to think about a subculture of those that would have defended my abuser.
Are you sure that they would do this? From the guys I have met on here, it is more likely that they would want to help you catch the pervert.

I was raped in 1968 by a stranger when I was 11 years old, and kept quiet about it and did not get any help for it. I tried to make sense of it as best I could. At first I thought some how I had behaved to much like a girl, and that was the reason I was raped. Later when I was older, I was told what a homosexual was. I thought that explained it, a gay guy was attracted to me so strongly that he could not control himself, and had sex with me and did not care what I wanted. In 1992 I finally got enough courage to buy a book about rape. The book talked about females that were raped, males that were raped, old people that were raped, gays that were raped, and children that were raped.
One of the things it said that surprised me was that rape is not caused by sexual attraction! The other thing it said is that rape is almost totally a crime committed by heterosexual men, not gay men. You can check on the book here. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/det...=glance&s=books
In Nov of 2004, when I found this site, I also found this web page. http://www.rapecrisiscenter.com/education_articles_007.htm

I hope this book and web site will help open your eyes.

Take care,
Lostcowboy

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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