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#132073 - 09/13/05 05:01 AM Confused -Triggers Maybe-
lost_in_thought Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/04
Posts: 97
Loc: Florida
I'm prolly the only one here who feels like this or maybe i'm not i don't know. This is one thing i haven't been able to bring myself to say to my T or anyone IRL yet, but i've talked about it with some people i trust online and even a couple guys here. I'm not sure about my sexual identity, i guess that's obvious due to the forum we're in. I spend a lot of time thinking about being female, what it would be like, i've even done reasearch on gender reassignment surgery...I dont think that's anything i'd be willing to go through though, but still i spend a vast amount of my time thinking about being a girl and have for a long time. I've even spent over a year, i think, chatting online as a girl on yahoo. Not chatting in a sexual way, but just general chat conversation but pretending to be a girl and i know it's wrong but i feel better when i do it, i guess that's kind of sick when i think about it. I get so lost in this fantasy that when i get jerked back to my reality it's painful. I'm not even sure where i'm going with this post i just i guess wanted to talk about it i guess if anyone has any input of any kind. I've been trying to talk about it for a while here but i just could never seem to figure out how to say it. Though i just realized what do i have to lose if i say it? I could be rejected, but if someone is going to reject me are they someone i really want in my life?

I hope that wasnt too rambling and that it made some kind of sense, if it didn't let me know and i'll try to explain it or edit it or something..thanks for reading...

_________________________
The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. - Hunter S. Thompson (July 18, 1937 - February 20, 2005)

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#132074 - 09/13/05 06:24 AM Re: Confused -Triggers Maybe-
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi LIT, I guess you have done most of your posts on the members only side, so I don't know to much about you.

In my thread A strange way to masturbate. I talked about how if I was a girl it would have made sense of me being raped. I don't know if that applies to you. But there is some interesting discussion in the thread.

Take care,
Lostcowboy

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#132075 - 09/13/05 09:02 AM Re: Confused -Triggers Maybe-
kaceechase Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/05
Posts: 132
Loc: Georgia
Jake, You make me proud that you could Post this. You are not stupid or made a Big huge mistake. This is the place to say this and get it out so someone maybe can share their feelings on this and help you find yourway. You are awesome for Having the courage to Post this. Thank you and I Will be Here for you any way that I can.

_________________________
Come What May!
My name is Ken
I am a Work in Progress, Please excuse the mess from time to time!

I finally Realize, The abuse and it's Direct effects are NOT MY FAULT but The Rest of MY Life IS!

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#132076 - 09/22/05 04:42 PM Re: Confused -Triggers Maybe-
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Jake,One of my best friends is a transgendered person. First of all, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and a very real problem. I haven't been with her during her entire process, but through enough of it to know how difficult it is and how determined the person has to be to endure it. Bottom line, though, is that she is/was a wonderful person no matter what her gender and she was just trying to correct something that she thought nature had got wrong. She's not sorry she did it at all, but it's not easy for her even after she's had all of the surgeries.
Don't "put yourself down" for your thoughts. It has nothing to do with being a good person, etc., and it's one of those things that it's better to talk about than to just keep to yourself and feel badly about for years. You are brave and wise to talk about it here. The good news is that no one would ever let you actually do anything about it without lots and lots of psychological testing to make sure you were doing it all for the right reasons, so it's not likely you'd ever make a mistake with the ifs, shoulds, etc. The worst mistake would be to keep it all inside and feel like there was something wrong with you for having the thoughts. I think one of the most important things I've learned from this site is that no matter what kind of thoughts you have, ultimately they are just thoughts and this is the place to get them out there and take a look at them. Someone will always be glad to take a look at them with you in a non-judgmental way and help you sort them out. Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#132077 - 09/23/05 03:47 PM Re: Confused -Triggers Maybe-
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
LIT - Thanks for posting! Your issue is not foreign to many survivors. The negative part is that many suffer alone not realizing there are others with the same problems. The fact that you are brave enough to speak out, I hope encourages other brothers with similar feelings to talk things out as well. Although that is not one of my issues, I have spoken to many others who need to be as brave and outspoken as you!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#132078 - 09/26/05 02:08 AM Re: Confused -Triggers Maybe-
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
LIT,

I don't know if this counts for anything, but I do know that a lot of us would rather talk to women than to men.

Is that a sexual thing? Well, ya.

Is it a gay issue? I don't think so.

There are studies that support the claims that females are more understanding on a number of levels. So, if you're talking about being understood or listened to when you're discussing issues of emotions and feelings, you might have a more meaningful discussion with females.

Now, if we're talking cars, then guys may give you a more "meaningful" discussion.

If females are less aggressive to you, then that is what you may be talking about. Although, I've met my share of aggressive women.

Whatever it is for you, when you break it down, it is an interesting topic.

Explain some more.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#132079 - 10/02/05 11:44 PM Re: Confused -Triggers Maybe-
RockyMtJoe Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/04
Posts: 97
Loc: East of Pueblo, Colorado
I spend a lot of time thinking about being female, what it would be like, i've even done reasearch on gender reassignment surgery...I dont think that's anything i'd be willing to go through though, but still i spend a vast amount of my time thinking about being a girl and have for a long time. I've even spent over a year, i think, chatting online as a girl on yahoo.

ABOVE IS THE QUOTE

Seems that visiting a transgender chat would be interesting. One would meet others with like feelings? Just an idea, I do have some insights but since you have not posted again I will hold them.

Joe


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