Newest Members
Stormchaser, johnnyc717, bluebook, Roscoe, SJC
12314 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
clutzygurl (22), dun (50), Gene (50), ufp1964 (50), Zoot (68)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 13 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12314 Members
74 Forums
63355 Topics
443006 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#132057 - 08/31/05 10:48 PM Desperately seeking ME and my MALE SELF
Henry Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/31/05
Posts: 2
Loc: Grass Valley, CA
Hello All for the first time,
I've been "ill" for almost 9 years....the last 4 and a half have to do with sexual identity issues. I am suffering....to loose my male self was/is just as painful as my surrealness that came about in college (and no, I didn't take drugs). My doctor says I have Schizophrenia and I'm taking an anti-phychotic and anti-anxiety...I don't like taking drugs but I am using them to help ease the inclination of being a women, or most women that I see and "internalize". When I internalize, I feel that I see with their eyes and move the way they do. When this happens, it pushes me away for awhile and STILL im not completely "me".
HERE'S THE HISTORY
Back in 2001 I had a random thought of a man and thought that was bizzare, but I shook it off...at that same time, my anus was really twitching and thought it was the meds I was taking. Now that I look back, it was somthing much grander than meds....I was changing genitelia! To this day, I feel my anus more than my penis, therefor I am confused about my sexual identity and the way I see man and woman. Somtimes I see men as women and vise versa. What a strange place I'm in! I'm still attracted to women, but every time I masterbate to a pic or my imagination...I, in some way, become them! HORRIBLE. I have had thoughts of men giving me love but I don't feel that is right, or not right now. NO...I WANT TO BE WHO I WAS....A MAN. I could go on and on, but I can be more specific later. I would appreciate anyone with similar experiences or somone who's been there. OR a professional. It seems like it's hard to find sex therapists in my area. Anyway, good luck to the rest of you!
PS I have a twin brother who is still a man and probably will be for the rest of his life.

_________________________
Henry

Top
#132058 - 08/31/05 11:34 PM Re: Desperately seeking ME and my MALE SELF
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Henry, first let me welcome you. I am glad you found male survivor, I am sorry for what happened to you, that made you seek us out. Feel free to take your time, and only talk when you are ready.
I don't know if this thread will help, but I think you will find it interesting reading.
A strange way to masturbate

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

Top
#132059 - 09/01/05 01:05 AM Re: Desperately seeking ME and my MALE SELF
Henry Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/31/05
Posts: 2
Loc: Grass Valley, CA
I have maturbated the same way in the past as well, but I'm afraid if I kept doing that, that there would be no turning back.

_________________________
Henry

Top
#132060 - 09/02/05 05:53 AM Re: Desperately seeking ME and my MALE SELF
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi henry, for me just talking about it helped diminish the desire to masturbate that way, and has reduced the sex fantasies of being a woman.
I hope that talking about it will help you.
take care,
Lostcowboy

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.