Hello All for the first time,
I've been "ill" for almost 9 years....the last 4 and a half have to do with sexual identity issues. I am suffering....to loose my male self was/is just as painful as my surrealness that came about in college (and no, I didn't take drugs). My doctor says I have Schizophrenia and I'm taking an anti-phychotic and anti-anxiety...I don't like taking drugs but I am using them to help ease the inclination of being a women, or most women that I see and "internalize". When I internalize, I feel that I see with their eyes and move the way they do. When this happens, it pushes me away for awhile and STILL im not completely "me".
HERE'S THE HISTORY
Back in 2001 I had a random thought of a man and thought that was bizzare, but I shook it off...at that same time, my anus was really twitching and thought it was the meds I was taking. Now that I look back, it was somthing much grander than meds....I was changing genitelia! To this day, I feel my anus more than my penis, therefor I am confused about my sexual identity and the way I see man and woman. Somtimes I see men as women and vise versa. What a strange place I'm in! I'm still attracted to women, but every time I masterbate to a pic or my imagination...I, in some way, become them! HORRIBLE. I have had thoughts of men giving me love but I don't feel that is right, or not right now. NO...I WANT TO BE WHO I WAS....A MAN. I could go on and on, but I can be more specific later. I would appreciate anyone with similar experiences or somone who's been there. OR a professional. It seems like it's hard to find sex therapists in my area. Anyway, good luck to the rest of you!
PS I have a twin brother who is still a man and probably will be for the rest of his life.