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#132036 - 08/15/05 03:25 PM Any other did's in here?
Paultje Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/15/05
Posts: 10
Loc: netherlands
Me having DID makes my sexual identity rather complex, for i have more than 1 indentity. I find man atractive from time to time, but being intimate with a man causes panic, so i guess being heterosexual is my only option.
Besides belonging to more than 1 person scares me, so my body belongs to my girlfriend, at least as far as sex is concerned. Sometimes i wish she could become a man for an hour or so, just to do me.
No man has ever used me except for rapists, so parts of me still feel filthy and longs very deeply to belong to her.


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#132037 - 08/16/05 02:28 AM Re: Any other did's in here?
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5773
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Paultje:
I'm not sure if you need to deal with the DID first or can work on the sexual identity issues first. If you are not seeing a competent therapist, let me know. I have a contact in the Netherlands who is a sexologist with considerable experience and I can ask him for a referral for you in your area. Please let me know what is the nearest city to you.

Ken


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#132038 - 08/16/05 11:53 AM Re: Any other did's in here?
Paultje Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/15/05
Posts: 10
Loc: netherlands
I'm feeling alright as it is, so i don't think i need a therapist for this. My girlfriend understand a lot of it, my DID is no problem to me (it's great to have friends that can never leave me).
It's sometimes a little complex for my girlfriend, but like me she accepts myselves as i am (or tries to). Without alters i would feel real lonely, i need them, they need me. The alters accept eachothers complex feelings, they have to for they don't wanna live without eachother.

I'm able to satisfy my girlfriend's needs quite well, i feel warm in her arms. I'm happy enough.

If i didn't have her, i would indeed have some problem, for most people scare me (even when i feel attracted). My girlfriend doesn't scare me anymore (just a little at the start). That fear has to do with the youngest alters, she gives them a lot of comfort.


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#132039 - 08/16/05 06:05 PM Re: Any other did's in here?
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Paul,

All the way from here, Oregon, to all the way to there, Welcome To MaleSurvivor.

Without boring you, I recall one day that I was talking, one day, to one guy who was in England and another survivor in Taiwan.
We are certainly International.

As we say, here, we are sorry that you had to go looking for a place like this, but we're happy that you've found us.

You will find others here, who have others. I'm hoping that some of them will find you so that you can share information about living with the other yous.

Even the other guys, who don't have others for company or distraction, are most sympathetic to your concerns.

So, make yourself comfortable and check out the site, we're here for each other and we're here for you.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#132040 - 08/16/05 06:05 PM Re: Any other did's in here?
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Edited because of double post.

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#132041 - 08/16/05 07:05 PM Re: Any other did's in here?
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
It's good to meet you Paul. I was DID. I found a therapist, thankfully, who specializes in dissociative disorders. He was willing to talk to my parts and help each of them with wherever they were stuck. You're right on when you say some are young, others are older. What I learned is that each part split at a point in my life when I needed them, somebody to take the pain. What's unfortunate is that those parts still exist because they still carry that pain. It's letting them speak that helps them find peace and safety. I like how you put it.

Quote:
My DID is no problem to me (it's great to have friends that can never leave me.
I always worried when my therapist would talk about "integrating" my parts. It's like they were friends, I was comfortable with having them around and talking with them. I remember one time my therapist said something about me still playing these "games", which really made me mad, like this was some kind of entertainment for me??? But after I thought about it for a while I knew he was right. The parts weren't people. They were fractions, personalities of ME. And I was using them to avoid my own pain, to blame things on them, and to seperate my horrible life from me. Slowly I came to see the need, the reason for each one of them, and they faded. Now, I'm me. Oh, every once in a while a voice will come out of my mouth and yell at me or something, but it's really gotten better. And as the parts have faded, as my reasons for having them have faded, I've stopped acting out as much. The cutting has stopped, the porn has stopped, the MB is much, much less, I don't flirt with guys anymore or scare myself silly with doing things "I would never do". I have more control over my life now.

If you ever want to talk, please PM me anytime. My only advice I'd give is to please don't make your girlfriend be your therapist. More partners are lost over that. She's not trained or equipped to do the job of a therapist, and I think she loves you as the man you are--not as a little boy or a teenager or whatever. There's a core "self" in you all those parts are trying to protect. It's letting that "self" come to the surface that will make your relationship with your friend closer than ever. And any impression that she is drawn to your parts is coming from your parts, through children's eyes. Years from now, you'll be glad you let her deal only with you.

Take care, Paul. Write as you're able. It's our stories that the parts are designed to protect.

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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#132042 - 08/17/05 11:53 AM Re: Any other did's in here?
Paultje Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/15/05
Posts: 10
Loc: netherlands
Hi Forever!

The things you write really are amazing, i'm not used to feeling understood like that. Unlike you wrote i don't use parts to blame eachother, we share the blame, just like most people blame me as a whole when they have a problem with me. I can't really say which of these parts is ME, i guess "me" is just a combination of them.

I don't use my partner as a therapist, but i do feel the need to explain the way i feel to her (which is not the same as therapy). The way i react on therapists i'm quite sure i don't want to have a therapist as a partner, so i don't want my partner to be my therapist either.

She knew i had DID from the start, so i guess she loves the little girls and boy and that she doesn't mind me being a teenager from time to time. She likes kids, she has 6 of them.
To me feeling free to be what i am is more important than having a partner. I picked my partner with freedom of being myself in mind. If she was incapable of loving someone as complex as me (as most women are) i would still have been alone.

She doesn't mind having more than 1 part as a partner, the alters don't mind sharing her with eachother.
Every part has it's own relation and is willing to step aside for the other alters to enjoy the relation they have with her. Of course she has something to say about it either, we watch closely which of me fits her mood the best.
Cutting i hardly do, sometimes a little scratch with my nails, that's all. No bleeding or stitches. I guess the way i handle porn is not much different (or even less) from most other men (except that i like women a lot older than most man seem to like, men sometimes really disgust me). What is MB? Flirting with guys (or women) doesn't go beyond playfully trying to make someone like me.

I know some of my parts seem to be designed to protect, but after a while they became more than that. They also became someone to talk to, to explain things to me, someone to cheer me up and a lot of other stuff. I have 2 parts like that.

There are also parts that seemed to be designed to just relive and replace another part that had become affraid of living for a while.
I have 6 parts like that, 2 of them are still affraid. The have different views of life, different ways of being, so in almost any environment there's always someone who loves to be alive. One is into math and other intellectual stuff, one is into reading and writing stories, one is into enjoying food and candy etc.

Also some parts seem to merely be designed to comfort me. Those parts later turned out to be very valuable to other people as well (for instance my daughter, my girlfriend etc.).
I have 2 parts like that.

Thanx for your reaction forever, it's so great to hear from someone like me! You describe things so well. I know a few females with DID, no males, but somehow it's a little hard to stay in touch with them.


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#132043 - 08/22/05 07:45 AM Re: Any other did's in here?
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Paul,

I have DID, although so far I know, all my 'others' are male, so it has not had so much effect on my sexual identity. I think it effects my girlfriend more, because I still have fear and nervousness of physical intimacy, which causes me more stress. When I am triggered or stressed, is when I 'flip' to another, and the 'other' that seems to get most 'front time' is 6 years old.

Personally, I would love to be 'integrated'. I dislike not being in control. I dislike 'waking up' to myself and I'm somewhere I wasn't the last cognizance I have. To know that I have been out driving around, saying and doing god knows what, and I have no recollection of it.

However, from what my girlfriend has told me,and few other friends, several of my 'others' are not so happy with the thought of me getting better. Because if I get better, I don't 'need' them. And they will cease to be. From what my therapist says, it is not like that, they all still will be in existence, but as part of 'me' (whoever the hell that is). I guess maybe that is not enough for 'them'.

It sounds like you have a wonderful partner. I am glad you have someone like that as support. I am fortunate with who I am in relationship with right now also.

I echo Michael. Keep posting here as much as possible. It does help a lot.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#132044 - 08/31/05 05:02 AM Re: Any other did's in here?
Splitting Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 62
Paultje:
I am just starting to discover my parts. I am a female slut (possible a she-male), I am a male Gorilla (defense), a female gorilla (nurturing), an innocent girl, and a couple of small boys. I still cannot reach them. They are there, I feel them, but there are times when they just dictate. Especially the Gorilla. I am looking for some inpatient work to try to get further down the road. It is incredibly frustrating.

Atlast I can have one hell of a party by myself!

Take care of yourself!

Danny


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#132045 - 09/08/05 10:34 PM Re: Any other did's in here?
Paultje Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/15/05
Posts: 10
Loc: netherlands
Hi Danny,

A lot of recognization.
Most of my alters are female, one of them is definitely a slut, but in other ways she's a lot like a sweet little girl. She's very nice to the other alters, so we like her a lot and don't worry much about it, as long as she doesn't put us in scary situations (she doesn't want that either).
I keep her away from people i don't know too well, she understands and accepts that.

At first alters seem a bit like a caricature, but when you get to know them a little better there seems to be a lot more to them.
I guess you really need to see through this caricature, it's really worthwhile to find out more about them. This gorilla-part may not seem very nice, but perhaps he's just a little more protective than you can accept? Perhaps it is even a kind of protection you need from time to time?


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