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#132030 - 08/15/05 02:39 PM Confusion
Glen Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 71
Loc: Wisconsin
I am extremely confused sexually. I think woman are attractive but yet I am terrified to be with them sexually. Im not attracted to men but I have been hit on numerous times at my gym. Well long story short there was an afternoon where i got hit on in a not so subtle manor by a guy younger than me. I let him touch and fondle me I was terrified. We went to my car and he was all over me. We went to his place and we had sex (I had a hard time staying hard) The whole time I couldnt stop even though I was not really into it. Now why did I let this happen? I had an anxiety attack afterwards. And I have been having a huge problem with depression ever since.

_________________________
Please tell me why..

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#132031 - 08/16/05 02:25 AM Re: Confusion
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Glen:
It's hard to say why you did what you did. Maybe it was for sex, but probably not. You say you are attracted to women but it sounds like you have not had good interactions with them. Maybe it is because of your unresolved issues.

The encounter you had with the male was something you were not necessarily looking for but it met some kind of need in you. If that is not where you want to be, you need to figure out (presumably with a therapist, since if you could figure it out on your own, you wouldn't be posting it here) and decide what you want to do for your emotional needs.

If it doesn't feel right to you, you need to work on it in therapy.

Best advice I can offer.
Ken


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#132032 - 08/16/05 05:37 PM Re: Confusion
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Glen,

Sometimes these episodes are called,
"Replications." That is to say, we try to duplicate what happened to us...if we were abused by a male...in order to figure out what happened in the first place, but now we are adults and can hopefully figure it all out.
Hence, what Ken says is spot on. We need therapists to help us figure out what happened and to know, IT WAS NOT OUR FAULT.
I'm sorry this happened to you. It caught you off guard and you certainly weren't ready for it, even if you wanted it to happen.
The panic and anxiety are telling you to get in touch with what's going on. Therapy can help. Responding to Ken and asking if he has any contacts in your area, might help you locate the therapist that can help you.
In the meantime, know that you've got a ton of brothers who have been where you are, and that they are, too, working through the after affects of abuse.
Keep posting,

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#132033 - 09/04/05 06:04 PM Re: Confusion
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I have been confused since 10 when my cousin make me have sex with him. This has been a big struggle, and when guys want to do things I would give in and let them. During the abuse I would be quiet and let it happen. Even pretend I was someshere else. hugs being held that is what I wanted to be safe not be hurt.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#132034 - 09/04/05 06:05 PM Re: Confusion
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Quote:
Originally posted by michael Joseph:
I have been confused since 10 when my cousin made me have sex with him. This has been a big struggle, and when guys want to do things I would give in and let them. During the abuse I would be quiet and let it happen. Even pretend I was someshere else. hugs being held that is what I wanted to be safe not be hurt.
be gentle with yourself ok I know this is hard to deal with. Hope you are feeling better now.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#132035 - 09/06/05 06:11 AM Re: Confusion
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Glen,
I don't know if you want to read it but Brian G. Gilmartin wrote a book called, Shyness & Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment by Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin you can get a free copy of it here http://www.love-shy.com/ in order to read it, you need the free adobe reader program that you can get here. http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readermain.html
For me, I seem to fit the de>
_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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