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#131995 - 07/05/05 05:15 PM Is Bi-sexuality valid?
bkeithb Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/05
Posts: 63
Loc: Milwaukee
Just read article in NYT questioning the validity of bi-sexuality.

I know many of you have posted saying because of SA, there is a tendency towards bi feelings.

This article web page seems to be saying there's no such thing as being "bi."

Just curious as to how others may react to this study, I guess.

_________________________
bkeithb

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#131996 - 07/05/05 07:58 PM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida
I read the article and it's an interesting study, but I guarantee that there are 10 more that refute it.

I think that the psychological field is fixated on pigeon-holing everyone. In the end, what does it matter? Each of us is an individual with arousals in a million different ranges. I think that it is much more important for us to be comfortable with ourselves and try to live a life in accordance with our hearts. Doesn't that make a lot more sense than trying to figure out what we are? IMHO

SD

_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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#131997 - 07/06/05 03:19 AM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
beachman Offline
Member

Registered: 07/04/05
Posts: 33
Loc: Rhode Island
I like that idea of being comfortable with ourselves. I know that I try. And it feels right.
Thanks


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#131998 - 07/06/05 10:12 PM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
bkeithb Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/05
Posts: 63
Loc: Milwaukee
Probably should've said many of "us" have expressed these feelings, when I originally posted this study.

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bkeithb

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#131999 - 07/09/05 08:51 AM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
Jake_t2398 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 131
bein Bi is very real i dont care what the psych studies say, jus my opinion jake


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#132000 - 07/11/05 03:05 PM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
bkeithb Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/05
Posts: 63
Loc: Milwaukee
Jake,

I agree. I struggle with my "bi" feelings so I know that they are real.

I wonder, though, if I would be struggling with these feelings if I had not be SA'd as a boy/teen? Would I not then have had further experiences with men in early adult years? Would I have been only hetero in orientation?

I've been married for nearly 17 yr. and love my wife dearly. I have never acted on any of my "bi" feelings since married. But I do know that they are real feelings. So I disagree with the article's preliminary findings.

Any health care professionals want to weigh in?

_________________________
bkeithb

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#132001 - 07/12/05 01:06 AM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Interesting, thanks for bringing this to our attention.
My therapist says that we are either gay or straight and that it is the abuse or interverence of our "normal" sexual development that causes us to question our sexuality with thoughts and desires of having sex, bisexually.
He goes on to explain that we have a pretty strong drive and that we can fixate on keyholes if so directed during those formative years.
I know how confused I became once I was introduced to sex by those who abused me.
Funny that abuse appeared no where in this article. I would think that they would want to rule it out so as not to "contaminate" their study.
Donald Mann, LCSW, is the guy who profers these thoughts. I'll see what I can do to get his article, "Sexual Orientation Confusion," included in our library of articles.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#132002 - 07/12/05 02:30 PM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
bkeithb Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/05
Posts: 63
Loc: Milwaukee
Thanks, it'd be great to read the article.

Keith

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bkeithb

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#132003 - 07/13/05 05:07 PM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
chuck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 97
Loc: mid atlantic
Keith,

I tend to agree with David. If I had not been sexually abused I might have sooner known what I am. I was so conflicted because of the emotions of abuse. If I said I was gay then did I really want to be abused or if I was straight maybe I could convince myself that I was abuse.

When I got married I was still conflicted and thought that marriage would help resolove the confusion. I was certain that I was stragight and these dreams and curoisity about sex with men would go away. They didn't and after almost 18years of marriage I told my wife that I was certain that I am gay. The rest of this story is probably better for another post. However the scxual abuse did cause me a great deal of confusion and denial about who I am especially pain for myself and my family.

I did read the article in my therapist's office and found it helpful for me.

Chuck


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#132004 - 07/13/05 05:32 PM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
bkeithb Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/05
Posts: 63
Loc: Milwaukee
Thanks for sharing, Chuck.

I think I need to do more reading in this area. The article you read - is it the same one David mentions?

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bkeithb

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#132005 - 07/14/05 02:49 PM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
ben_jammin13 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/14/05
Posts: 3
Loc: New Jersey
Keith,

I'm with Chuck and David on this. I had been thinking about my sexuality for a while before I was raped. Now I'm even more confused than I was before. Though I am 14 so hormones probably have something to do with it.

Ben


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#132006 - 07/15/05 01:03 PM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I rather like Jake's response on this one. If you feel it and know it and it is real for you, then you are bi.

Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#132007 - 07/18/05 09:59 PM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I did not read the article as you have to register.

I read a lot on the net on psychology, for my own good and not for any other reason.

I dont psyche people, I use it only for myself, but what I find, is that modern thinking, instead of relying on the old 'masters' of psychology, breaks the mold.

Freud, Kinsey and many others were the centrepoint of human sexuality, but many other thinkers, have done so much work in the modern World.

I think that psychology has a lot to offer in the right hands, but a psychiatrist who has a pure text book image of what he read in Freudian times, is so out of date with reality.

The new stuff that I read, is far more applicable to the way my mind works, and it is based on frugal research of male sexuality, and what survivors of male sexual abuse disclose.

A doctor is only a good doctor if they keep up with modern techniques, and side effects of drugs, and finding the best way of helping their patients, if they dont, then they get the patient returning with further problems.

Is psychiatry and therapy not the same?

Of course it is, understanding what is really happening inside an individual can be hard, it is hard for me, so I write to my doc, but it is only a snapshot.

If I write too much, then she will not read it, so I cannot tell her everything, but I can give her a snapshot of me, and how things affect me.

I sure got so confused as a kid, but it was not my fault, because I was abused before I knew what sex was, and that is big confusion.

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#132008 - 07/22/05 05:10 PM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
JamesMichael Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/24/02
Posts: 134
I feel strongly about this topic (sexual identity) and suggested its inclusion in the forum options. I agree with the notion that some professionals want to pigeonhole sexual preferences, identities, and sexuality itself. That scientific approach to something that involves the whole mind-body-spirit is too narrow an understanding for an energy that is so much more intuitive and instinctual. I have a master's degree in counseling and human relations (though I don't work professionally as such), and I'm a survivor of childhood, and adolescent sexual abuse. (Brother, mother, priest were perps). Notwithstanding any of that, I've grown to be a happier, healthier person by "tagging" whatever memories, thoughts, feelings, intrusive or otherwise that I experience and not judging their worth as evidence of being gay or straight. I'm married (for 24 years) and have 3 great kids. I love my wife. I have same sex fantasies, and "straight" fantasies too. Each has been difficult to accept for different reasons. Certainly, had I not been perped-upon it'd all have been easier to work out. But if the numbers are right and that I'm among 1-in-4 or 1-in-6 guys that have been sexually abused, then there are a lot of guys of every age (and era, and culture)that experience what so many of us do in this regard. Jung and Joseph Campbell are more credible to me as guides than some others that have been mentioned. This matter of sexual confusion and identity and taste is so much more common than puritan america can handle. Sexual abuse, hard-ons, how you get them and deal with them is too much in the shadow of our "modern" life to deal with. There are no acceptable forums to address the angst. There were ways to deal with this in the past. Tribal, hunting, agragarian men knew their scent and its power. They smelled each other and were comfortable with it. We deodorize our scent and our sexuality with it. There are many masculinities. We need to get back on our bikes and learn to ride again with other men as our training wheels. Abuse knocked us off of our bikes...our journey. I've been to therapist who've said I was this or that. I'm glad that I've maintained a posture of deciding for myself what I am or will be. "Acting-out," various addictions and compulsions can be addressed with the right support and diffused, maybe tamed. These are dragons rearing their heads demanding attention.

Sexuality, chi, prana, energy, libido...it's all about being ALIVE. Don't allow the perps to steal this from you! Reclaim, demand, the return of your dick, your scent, your power. Welcome it, nourish it, play with it, know it, and use it to your benefit, your Self, and those you love.


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#132009 - 07/25/05 07:14 PM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
Ritchie22 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/10/05
Posts: 13
Loc: New York
After reading the above post about the article written in public that there is no such thing as Bisexuality and if you do claim to be bi sexual you must be gay, I tend to agree with Ivanhoe when he pointed out that there was no mention of SA being involed with one's sexuality in the Article claiming that Bi sex is false. It seems every so often someone comes along no matter what the subject and claims otherwise just to get 15 minutes of fame. Im in my 60's and well married for close to 40 years and I have always had these feelings for both men and women at different times depending on the situation. That article will never change my views on this matter!
Richie22


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#132010 - 08/07/05 10:42 AM Re: Is Bi-sexuality valid?
FEELNLOWBRO Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/05
Posts: 22
bkeithb's asked if others could weigh in on the subject bi- confusion or bisexuality.

males need to be bonded with other males; the first male in their life is their father--a broken bond there makes it difficult to bond with males down the line--peers, friends--i know what it has been like to both have a mostly hate relation to my dad and also a yearning for closeness to other men but a fear of them. perhaps a lot of bisexual confusion for a male primarily in the heterosexual sphere comes from actual blocks to genuinely and successfully close friendships with other men. Earl Henslin, in his book Man to Man helped me greatly in accepting my need to have close male friendships without having to make those friendships part of for me an unwanted gay approach to life. Close male friendships are the Everest that men can climb to; SA and other bond breakers makes that climb harder but all the more desirable, as I have found.


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