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#131921 - 05/10/05 02:17 AM A Wake Up
Ritchie22 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/10/05
Posts: 13
Loc: New York
I guess I was 16 and still confused whether I was gay, bi, or straight. I did Date a few girls by then but I had already had been having plenty of Sex with my Best Bud who lived across the street from me. Once the two of us were riding around in a car with an older man who was in his early 30's. He wanted to have sex with one or the both of us. My bud induced me to go first. I laid down in the back seat and let this Man suck my Penis. I had a hard time getting aroused by him and the only way I could climax was to close my eyes and pretend I was having sex with My bud. It worked as I climaxed all over the place. The older Man had no effect on me but the thought of my bud did. I still went out with girls and I eventually married and had a family. What does this story say about my Sexuality?


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#131922 - 05/10/05 02:24 PM Re: A Wake Up
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Ritchie - Welcome to the site!! You didn't mention if you were sexually abused as a kid but I suppose from your posting here, you probably were. Your story sounds very familiar for someone introduced to sex at an early age. Once the sexual candle in life is lit...it stays lit. We express that sex (physically not necessarily orientation) in whatever way it leads us. That includes being sexual with girls, boys, etc. (I won't mention Etc. now but it can be almost anything/anyone). To be confused as to who we am sexually is a fairly common symptom in sexual abuse survivors (as many on the site will attest). I understand your question and perhaps your dilemma. Keep posting and asking questions, share feelings because there are many of us with similar stories who are married!!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#131923 - 05/10/05 07:11 PM Re: A Wake Up
Ritchie22 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/10/05
Posts: 13
Loc: New York
Hi Scott,
I was never sexually abused by anyone in my family and I was never really sexually abused by force by any Adult including this guy that I told you about. This man worked in my Neighborhood and even though he didn't force me, he was always around and kind of Forced his way to be with you. So I did feel a little intimidated by him and yes, I gave in. But like I said I did managed to get aroused but not by him , but by the thought of being with my Buddy who was sitting in the front seat. Perhaps with thinking about me and my bud getting it on it would make me Climax quicker and get this dude off of me. I never let this guy near me again sexually but did take Rides in his car as he always brought us Soda's and Hamburgers as we did use him as he thought we were going to let him have what he wanted. Only one other time I remember a Man who tried something with me. I was 12 years old and was in the Movies by myself when this man sat next to me in a row that was completly emty. He put his hand on my Thiegh and kept it there what seemed like the longest time as I was too scared to move. I was only 12 and not a big kid for my age and on the skinny side. I finally got up and just ran away as fast as I could. I should have went to the Movie Manager but I didn't, I just kept running. I often wonder why I didn't stop to report him!


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#131924 - 05/11/05 08:52 PM Re: A Wake Up
Ritchie22 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/10/05
Posts: 13
Loc: New York
Hi Scott,
I read another post where you said that between the age of 13 and 22 yu were strictly Homosexual. It sounds a lot like me. I had an ongoing thing with my best bud growing up from age 12 to about age 23. Even though I had much more than one gay partner I alwsys felt more comfortable with him. Also during those years I did go out with girls, went to the Prom and I did feel comfortable with women. It seems when Im close to someone physicially whether it's a man or a woman I am easily aroused no matter what age and that has alwasys confused me. I ended up getting married and have been married for almost 37 years now to a women I love deeply. we have children and grandchildren.
As far as my bud goes he never married and we do sometimes keep in touch by the internet or phone. I told you before that we both had an experience with an older man and how that went. What confuses me about my Bud and me is that when we first had our own experience at age 12 and right up to we were both about 23 it was him that was most dominate in our roles as I always seem to follow his lead on how we had sex. As the years past we stopped talking about our past sex lives as we talked on the phone or on the internet. Now and then he would drop a hint about our past and when I responded he would't really acknowledge what happened as he said he couldn't remember but would let me explain all the details. I have to admit that I did enjoy our past and he said he did also and I think about those days with him a lot. For someone who was so dominate in our sex life Im wondering why he seems to forget all the things we did from age 12 and up to our middle 20's. In the meantime between all this he is always telling me about all the Women he has conqured in his life which I find it hard to believe as I never saw him with a Women! I am just wondering if he is trying to blame me for his past that he had with me and if he feels that his life has been empty because he has been alone and im not.
Ritchie22


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