Hi Sophiesdad, I Don't think I can give any help, but I just wanted to say hi, and welcome to the site. It seems that you have everything well thought out. You are having a lot of back problems and need your wife's support. You seem to like and love your wife, but due to the back pain have not been having sex for a long time. You are horny, and of late have been attracted to guys and have been having fantasies about them. You want to be honest and tell your wife, but don't want to hurt her. Yes I agree with you you are between many rocks and hard places. I am very glad that you said you have not cheated on her, it would just make things worse, trust me, I did and it did. If it helps to read my story, here it is. http://malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=43;t=000020

On the home page of this site I believe there is a place to go that recommends therapists. It is under the heading "resources." It is so important to shop around sometimes for a therapist that fits you. You anguish is clear, but I highly recommend someone qualified to help you sort through your many questions. I am glad you are here and good luck with your journey toward recovery and a conclusion to your idenity.

Sophiesdad - There are others on the board that can identify with your struggle. You are NOT alone! Keep talking!

Howard

Sophiesdad
Im very new here to and im so impressed with not only you but the fact that there are so many other people here with the same hangups I have had all my life, especially my Married Life.
I had my first sexual encounter when I was 12 years old with a Bud I grew up with. Going back in my early childhood I don't remember being SA by anyone although im not too clear on that. I know I was never raped but might have been fondled by a relitive (Not Immediate Family) I have always been confused with whether I was gay or straight but ruled out being gay as I seem to have never had no trouble with having sex with women, but have always had a much strongeer feeling for Men.
I've been Married for almost 37 years and have raised a Family and now enjoy my grandchildren.
For some reason, now that im retired and in my 60's I seem to have a much stronger urge to be with other men than ever. I haven't had these strong feelings in 25 years or better! I thought that would subside with age but to my surprise it has only increased. I find that since I've been on the Internet and it's availabiity to gay Sites it has rejuvinated my feelings to my Bi side or gay side. Also, I think about my Bud that I grew up with and we haven't had sex since our early 20's. I think about sex with men now right up until I go to Bed at night as I sometimes lie there in the Dark wishing I was 20 something and having a great time in Bed with another Guy. So Im glad I found this place and realize that im not alone
Ritchie22