Yes I am afraid of telling my T my inner demons.. I am afraid that he will want to lock me up. Why must I have sick perverted fantasies I wake up from them at night in terror but with an erection? And that my friends is the whole truth. Why must my sexual fantasies cause me so much terror?

I forgot to add I dream about being molested again
or doing something taboo,(no Im not a pedophile)

hey - i think that is the abuse talking - (your dreams and fanatasies -

and i think you may have a creative mind - that because of the abuse - has turned the creativity into a sort of background sadistic mind -

you hold on to the past - because
if you didn't -
might it not happen again?


anyway - you have got to tell your therapist this
if you feel ok about your therapist enough -
this is your comfort zone too - to a certain extent though it's really really tough stuff -

if you can tell him - he should be reassuring you that whatever comes up you will face and get through it together - ok?

these are your past experiences and pain at work in the mind - stuck for now -

you can get the light shined on it all if you talk about it - and then figure out
how to get aware and conscious - and then

get some peace -

ps - if your therapist doesn't support you
not for you then - not a match - period -
that would not good healing -

mgb

Glen,
I used to think like you are doing now. It is hard to voice your demons, but once you do, they will lose their power. I used to dream about being molested over and over. I was scared they were a turn on. But, I now have control over these demons, and I do not have that dream. Remember, you are NOT crazy!

Casey

You might want to ask your T about his policy on confidentiality. In most places in the US, the only exceptions to confidentiality are when you threaten to harm yourself or another identifiable person, or admit to an act of child abuse that must be reported. Fantasies or disturbing thoughts are not reportable unless they are in the above categories.

Info withheld from a T is like going to your doctor with a sore throat, cough, and runny nose but neglecting to tell him about the bleeding from your rectum because you are embarrassed. You will likely get a diagnosis of a cold but your bleeding could be symptomatic of hemmorhoids or colon cancer. Full disclosure, despite embarrassment or fear of consequences is better for your healing.

Ken

Glen,

I am there with you. I am afraid also to tell her about whats inside of me. I have been seeing her about a year and hadn't even told me the detail of the sexual abuses I suffered.

Maybe we both can find the courage somewhere inside to make that big step.

My Best for you

healing_inside

Talking to our therapists is what it's all about.
Now, that may sound easy, but most of us remember what a process this whole recovery thing is.
You may not have a therapist with whom you can share your deepest darkest fears. Ask him or her about that. Maybe there is no rapport between you.
But fear is the thing that we must stare straight in the face. If we cannot speak to our fear, how can we ever hope to get through it? If your therapist isn't one you can talk to, about anything, one who hasn't established a level of trust with you, it may be time to seek out someone else.
Talk to them about that...how can you have a trust level where you can discuss anything.
I know that it isn't easy, I lived with my fear for far too many years...I want to live now, and do what I've always wanted to do...how about you?

David

i have really struggled sexually. i kept trying to deny the things i wanted and liked, but i came to understand they were part of me. sure they may not be everyone's cup of tea, but they were mine. you say you are not a pedophile, and i assume you arent running around raping people. as long as no one gets hurt and it is consensual, i hope you learn to embrace it in time, because errasing it isnt going to happen.

Glen, I used to have the fantasy of being tied to a tree in the woods and raped, when I was a kid, it led to nightmares and other thoughts.

Maybe I thought that it was all I was good for, to be hurt.

The demons will fade in time, if you confront them,

Peace,

ste

Glen,

It took me almost 3 months before I could share with my t a brief story of what happened to me. I guess I could not tell myself without getting too emotional. I hope that you will be able to tell yourself as well as your t what has happened. Remember there is many who support you in this suffering.

Chuck