first of all, SA, is bad enough. It causes a big mass of emotional upheaval, it is a minefield to get through all of the emotions, and the effect it has on your life.
To me, it was like an atom bomb waiting to explode, I did the cutting and causing myself pain, even burning, because pain to me, released some of the anger in myself.
Your mom, had no right to let her own children be abused by this vegetable scum, she should have protected you, but she did not. In this situation, I would be surprised if you did not feel like a prisoner to this subhuman.
If a man takes a woman on, who has kids, he has no right to assume how they should be, and nobody has the right to emotionally or physically abuse you.
If SA, is not bad enough, I too suffered emotional abuse, by my family members, because I became different, I was called freak of nature, and called it, or thingy etc., no wonder we end up thinking that we are pieces of shit, or not worthy of anything other than the crap flung at us in life.
You need to be aware of one fact only, and that is, you had the courage to get through it, and be here, yes, the scars are there, they are deep, but you can dig yourself out of it.
The other thing is, that we have to bottle all the emotions up for years, until we find a place to vent off, like this one, where others have been through similar emotions.
The silence we keep, really is the worst part of this legacy of abuse, thinking you are the only one who has faced it, or wondering whether you faced it any different from another, I think that we all faced the situation in a very similar manner.
At least that proved to me, that I really was not going mad!
I hope this is helpful,