The thread below has been taken off my website, and placed here for those who are having problems in trusting others and themselves
Hope it helps...and Hi to everyone here.....Been around for ages, but seldom post, as so busy with my website and other stuff
Steve SURVIVORS SWINDON
___________________________________ LETTING GO OF THE PAIN WITHIN
Letting go of the pain caused by sexual abuse is difficult, painful and extremely hard to do, but it is not impossible to do!
No matter what happened when you were sexually abused, you survived, by whatever means, and you can overcome this trauma. Nothing is impossible, not if you want it that much.
So, hereís my version of how to handle it, and guess what? It works too!
It involves you trusting someone, and telling ALL of the secrets you have hidden away for so long.
As you begin to tell, allow yourself to get in touch with all of the feelings, fears and
emotions that arise.
Donít be afraid to show the real you who has been hidden for so long.
Donít be afraid of the emotions either, donít be ashamed or afraid to be angry, sad, mad, or tearful.
You have the right to show those emotions, just like everyone else.
You donít have to be a man, and Ďmachoí all of the time.
You donít have to pretend to be a MAN all of the time either.
It doesnít matter where you start, the beginning, middle or end is a good place to start, you can add to it as you talk.
From just the one issue, there are many issues that arise. It could be anger that you speak about on one occasion, then perhaps fear another time, maybe sadness, or the pain it caused you then and now.
Re-tell your story, and how it has affected you in different ways, until you know it has been exhausted. If and when it comes back, talk it through again and see it for what it is, just a memory that comes back
Donít worry about the language you use either.
Some counsellorís say that by using 'crude', 'rude' or plain basic language feels like they are being abused. Well here's some news for them. That's their problem, not yours! We need to feel comfortable with what and how we say things about our abuse history, and if that means saying things they don't feel comfortable with, they can always get another job in a supermarket!
Above all, begin to get in touch with your feelings, thoughts and fears towards the abuse, how you felt then, and how you feel now.
Try putting your feelings into words, other than expressing yourself with ďIím feeling likeÖ..Ē
Take your time in doing so, even if those emotions seem unreal.
Whatever you do, donít give up, otherwise ďtheyĒ will seem to have won. THEY HAVE NOT!
To tell someone, perhaps a friend or partner, that you have been sexually abused either as a child or adult is extremely difficult.
Even more so, if like many countless boys, you were told big boys donít cry, or that you fear being seen as weak.
The fear you will be disbelieved or thought to have taken part in it willingly, is soul destroying and can prevent you from talking about it.
Listed below are some requirements that have to be honoured by you and the person you speak to before counselling can begin.
1. Being listening to, and believed, even the unbelievable.
2. Remembering the abuse in your time, not being rushed to recall everything.
3. Understanding and accepting that you were not to blame.
4. Letting go of the pain.
5. Expressing repressed emotions, e.g. pain, fear, anger, sadness, guilt, etc.
6. Identifying/reclaiming your sexuality.
7. Increasing self-respect/esteem.
8. Taking control of your life.
9. Stopping self-inflicted pain, e.g. alcohol/drug misuse, crime, self-harming, etc.
10. Looking at past relationships, forming new relationships.
Dealing with all of the above takes incredible courage, nerve, and determination to overcome the abuse, which in many cases has been buried or hidden for many years.
The journey you undertake is very empowering, healing, and will allow you to face up to what happened to you, acknowledge the abuse, but more importantly refuse to allow it live your life any more.
Sadly, you will never forget what happened to you, but the pain will and does remove itself from your daily thoughts.
If you are prepared to give yourself time to heal, you will live a life free from painful memories, and be able to move on from the painful memories that belong in the past.
Nothing is worse than letting those who abused you in the past, continue to abuse you NOW.
Let go of them and the memories of the abuse you suffered.
It will never go away, but you can and will be able to live YOUR life.
After all, you deserve more than a life full of misery and pain. Or do you think differently? I hope not!