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#138904 - 01/24/07 08:43 PM Re: Hatred of being born w/ Male parts (TRIGGERS) [Re: TJ jeff]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Hi Ash,

So sorry you had an unhappy experience in the chat room. Like Paul says, someone had a knee-jerk reaction after being triggered and they lashed out unfairly at you. He also has a good suggestion about discussing this as a member in the "at risk" forum. You'll not find the uncomprehending reactions there because those that go there understand what you're going through. Don't be put off by the name of the forum. The folk there are regular guys, not sinister beings, lol.

There really are a bunch of great men here, Bro. And the old days? I've been back through the archive a few times and they had their rough times then too. I read one thread where the members, mods, and board of directors guys were calling each other names and I'm sure there would have been a brawl if they'd all been in the same room! My point is that we're human here and we have our frailties and faults. If we can learn from each other here, it'll sure help us to live better out there in the real world.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#139284 - 01/27/07 06:57 PM Re: Hatred of being born w/ Male parts (TRIGGERS) [Re: TJ jeff]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
i hated that thing between my leges..wanted to be a girl..on top of my brothert screwing me...mom would say......tuck that thing between your leggs...when i had on one of those skin tight bathing suits that they bought...she would say it was discusting...gee sorry mom but a small boy has a small thing..it just sticks out...it wasnt big enough to stick between my leggs......i felt so castrated embarssed...i had to go hide so no one would see me....one time mom saids......i dont know how to raise boys...all frustrated....how is a boy to feel when your mom saids this to you well sorry...just cut it off..and get on with life.....steve


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#139356 - 01/28/07 09:43 PM Re: Hatred of being born w/ Male parts (TRIGGERS) [Re: sabata]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3379
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Sabata,

I feel your pain - really I do... - I read your story post and your response to this old post - I cried for you - I know your pain real well...

Please keep talking it out here - what she done to make you feel so embarrased of your body was so very wrong of her

I can remember my mom saying bad things about my 'thing' very much too when I was young - that was so very wrong of them to do...

Talk the pain out here - we really do understand

TJ jeff

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#139369 - 01/28/07 11:11 PM Re: Hatred of being born w/ Male parts (TRIGGERS) [Re: TJ jeff]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3379
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
I am adding this in a seperate reply - it is probably triggering - don't read if you are not strong...

I only add this so as that perhaps others here can better understand the deep roots of my hatred of my male parts when i was younger... - it is not all just hatred caused by what my uncle did to me - even though there is enough of that too...

again... - TRIGGER WARNING...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

nakedness was very much a normal thing for me in the house when I was young - I was not allowed any privacy - my bedroom was a common area at the top of the stairs in the house - no door at all - heck, no dividing wall even - it was wide open area - anyone could see anything I was doing in my room - and everyone knows that there are private things that one does in ones own room - stuff they don't want others to see - and yet I was not given that privacy (my bro had a room with a door - which just added to my feeling 'less' than him) - anyone walking through would see me change clothes - even when I got older and tried to be more modest of my body - mom would make fun of me for not wanting her to see my nakedness anymore - she would always say "you hav'nt got nothing I hav'nt seen before" - which would make me feel bad of NOT wanting her to see my naked body

every time she ever spanked me it was always without pants or underwear on - there where some times when she would be real mad - she would make me strip all clothes off - it made me feel real embarrassed to have to do such - to be so fully open to her - specialy as i got older - and then there was the times when after she was done spanking me till i could not feel or stand on my own legs that she would make me stand in the corner - she would not even let me put any clothes on - it was cold in that house (heated only to 60) - everyone knows that cold makes boy parts shrivel up (or sometimes makes them hard - which was even more embarrasing) - she would make fun of me cause of that - even threaten to cut them off - say that they was 'dirty' parts

even other relatives seen my 'embarrasment' - I remember well one christmas when i was very young (I think 4 or 5) - I had chicken pox real bad - they itched like crazy - could'nt stand anything covering them - just wanted to stay in my bed for christmas - mom would not let me - she put a quilt over the cedar chest in the living room and made me lay on it naked - even with all of the other relatives there (even though i wanted to cover up with something - she just said it would make me itch more - and that it was ok for me to be naked - no one would care - no argueing with mother - what she said was LAW...) - what was even worse was that she showed me off to them (I just wantedd to dissapear)(as if to try to get sympathy of herself as to how bad it was to have to care for me as such) - how bad my pox was - I remember how very embarrassed I was having all of the relatives looking me over - touching my nakedness - asking how much 'certain areas' itched - I can even remember them commenting of how bad it was that I had pox on my 'boy parts' - they even rolled me over so they could see the pox between the cheeks of my butt (yes it really was that bad - whole body pox - even inside my mouth which made it hard to eat) - just very very very humiliating - and yet I was made to lay there for hours and was not allowed to complain - christmas was 'family time' - i was not allowed to miss out on it... mom's rules...

yes - there was much done to make me ashamed of my boyhood

No parent should ever do such to their child!!! - EVER!!!

TJ jeff

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#139372 - 01/28/07 11:18 PM Re: Hatred of being born w/ Male parts (TRIGGERS) [Re: TJ jeff]
batcountry Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/06
Posts: 263
Loc: the ether
tj i am real sorry that happened to you. no wonder you felt that way. that is not an appropriate way to treat a child!! a child is a person with feelings and his own personal space, he is not a toy to be played with or shown off or to embarass for fun. i am angry how your mother treated you, you did not deserve that. you should have got the privacy and dignity that every human being deserves. but when we are small we have to do what our parents tell us, there is no choice... i can just imagine how terrible that all felt. im real sorry and i hope you are healing from it. i did not really have to deal with anything like that myself, it was pretty much the opposite end of the spectrum, never be naked ever or acknowledge the existence of "boy parts" or "girl parts"... well i guess either extreme is bad. i wish there were less fucked up parents in this world.

_________________________
nothing to see here

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#139373 - 01/28/07 11:32 PM Re: Hatred of being born w/ Male parts (TRIGGERS) [Re: batcountry]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks tj...you are truley a good person....please be kind to yourself steve


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#139470 - 01/29/07 10:34 PM Re: Hatred of being born w/ Male parts (TRIGGERS) [Re: sabata]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11134
Loc: Denver, CO
Steve,

I know how a mother can be degrading and embarassing towards a boy. My mother was so rotten to us that I grew up believing all boys needed saving from their mothers.

TJ,

We have talked about this before, and my heart as always goes out to you. Your mother really angers me!



Edited by FormerTexan (01/29/07 10:35 PM)
_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#139635 - 01/30/07 09:00 PM Re: Hatred of being born w/ Male parts (TRIGGERS) [Re: FormerTexan]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Tj,

What a horrifying way to be treated. I too grew up being ashamed of my genitals. This was as a very small child before any of the SA started. I remember my mother making comments when I was getting dressed, etc. but don't remember specific words or instances.

The odd thing about that whole experience was that once I found out what my genitals could do for me, I lost that hatred of them. Now they were pretty handy items to have, even in the midst of the abuse! Like I say.... odd that it should have been that way, but that's how it was. I may have to spend some time contemplating this. I've never considered any of this till now...

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#139711 - 01/31/07 09:42 AM Re: Hatred of being born w/ Male parts (TRIGGERS) [Re: WalkingSouth]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3379
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Thanx Bat, Sabata, Andy, and John

I do not hate my 'parts' so much anymore as I used to

I am now starting to understand the reasons for the hate

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#139729 - 01/31/07 06:11 PM Re: Hatred of being born w/ Male parts (TRIGGERS) [Re: TJ jeff]
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
TJ,

just want to add how sorry I am also. Your Christmas story was very sad and you didn't deserve to be treated that way. I'm sorry.

Dale


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