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#131766 - 01/18/05 01:07 AM not sure if im gay!
Disco Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/17/05
Posts: 1
Loc: uk
Hello i am new here and am searching for answers.
I have recently fallen into a deep depression after a heavy night of drink. it was quickly followed by anxiety and i think paranoya. I fell into a depression so quick and was convinced i was gay. like a cold sweat all over my body i made myself get sick and those two days just after christmas have been the worst of my life. anxiety followed and within the last two weeks i have pulled myself back to some reality.

I have the most beautiful girlfriend who i love and would hope to spend the rest of my life with her. I have never been sexually abused and have never had gay thoughts and i constantly check women out but feel more like a pervert. My dad left home when i was ten but we always keep in contact.

However, i have never been able to rise to the occasion with my girl, all goes well but then i get nervous and chicken out. i was single for two years before and have kised plenty of girls but normally never could go ahead with bringing them home. in 1999 to 2001 i was with my girlfriend we broke up for two years like i just mentioned and now are back together within the last 7 months.

My fantasys i have had since i was 14 or 15 are still with me. women who overpower men, wrestling etc. i feel there is something wrong with me, i am ashamed and since last summer a gay slur has made me start thinking and another which i believe is directed to me at christmas. now i am starting to believe i am. i feel better in general but am begining now to think about guys looks and bodies but i am not sure if it is paranoya or what. i am staying away from alcohol and cigs because i think i will be more paranoid.

i get anxious quickly in crowds. So is it me, my fantisies,or am i really in love with my girlfriend or is it my parents separation. i am a 23 yr old virgin and so is my girlfried.thats maybe why we are still together. she loves me so much and the idea of coming out is destroying me inside.

please help, i had even thought of suiside before.
I just want to be me again.

i am a very outgoing and friendly person.

_________________________
Disco

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#131767 - 01/18/05 02:55 PM Re: not sure if im gay!
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5773
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Hello Disco and welcome:
You wrote:
Quote:
I have never been sexually abused and have never had gay thoughts and i constantly check women out but feel more like a pervert.
Since this site is for male survivors of sexual abuse and their friends and family, I'm wondering what kind of help you are looking for?

If you are struggling with feelings that you may hurt someone else sexually, I suggest you check out http://www.stopitnow.org

There are likely a number of sites for those who are questioning their sexual orientation. Some are religious and others purely secular.

Please let us know how we might be able to help you.

Ken Singer


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