Yes, If I was a girl it would have helped me make sense of what happened, it would not have made it all right, but it would have made it understandable. I tried to suppress any behavior that may be considered feminine.
OR - could it possibly distort our natural feminine side rather than surpress it?
I think it's accepted that all men have a feminine side, some more than others obviously.
But being naturally heterosexual and then 'having sex' with a man is confusing, especially to a boy.
I'm not trying to make anything of the Gay perspective here, so please don't take offense.
If we are destined to be straight, then our understanding of sexual acts will be straight sex acts surely?
So we get penetrated sexually and the only understanding we might have is that it's 'only women' who get penetrated.
We then believe that we are being used as 'girls'.
Does that sound as though it would fuck with our reasoning as young boys? It does to me.
I can remember my abusers making me wear womens panties some times, they would tell me that; "what WE are doing is good practice for fucking girls" and "you suck better than my girlfriend" ( Like they HAD girlfriends ! )
These were confusing messages to me, and ones that remained with me for a very long time, and became very strong when I was at the height of my acting out.
My acting out was fixated on giving oral sex, but recieving anal sex was also an option.
And sometimes when 'cruising for action' I would again wear womens panties.
It isn't a pantie fetish, I didn't fantasize about wearing them, it's just a big part of the submissive feminine role that I thought was my role in life.
I never wanted the other man to give me oral sex, or desire having anal sex with him. And I also wanted his dominance and my submission, to the degree that if he just asked something such as "would you like me to do .....?" I would be out of there so fast I'd trample him in the rush. I actually ended up fighting with one guy when he 'broke' my rigid fantasy and wanted me to take on the dominant role.
The dynamics of 'how' we act out are deep and complicated, but once I'd got this theory of my behaviours figured out through therapy ( mainly ) and my own efforts, the need to act out went away.
My 'theory' might be wrong, and I must stress that it's an individual theory, but it fits my behaviours and makes sense to me. If a psychologist or therapist comes along and tells me different, I'm NOT listening.
Acting out sexually is a desperate situation, there are no winners at all. The drive is unstoppable, the risks are huge and unforgiving, and the resulting guilt and shame are unbearable.
But it's possible to stop, very, very hard work, but possible.