Fast forward said,
At one time I had a book on all types of rapes, while it did not give a basic model. what it did say is that your normal actions are distorted and magnified.
One example they gave in the book is during puberty, about 80% of men are attracted to their mother, most boys have a hard time handling it They have guilt issues over it.
I still remember my first erection, it was right after my mothers divorce, she was feeling a little bit down, and wanted to hold me in her lap. I climbed into her lap, she put her arms around me and held me. In less than five minutes I had a erection. When your mom is holding you that is the last thing you want a erection, so I broke free. I knew I was a monster, and it had to be due to being raped some how. I think that was the last time I sat in my mom's lap and was held. I knew it wasn't safe for her to hold me, so I stayed away. I remember her saying that I must be at that time in my life when little boys don't want to be held by their moms.

That just blew me away I had never thought about it that way. My abuser always would say that we were making love LIAR Liar Liar....
How dare she take what was young and innocent and twist into something sick and dead inside.

Yes, this is a good thread. Soon, my therapist, Donald Mann, will have his web site up and we'll have access to it. He has a paper that is entitled, Sexual Orientation Confusion, and, yes, it is all about what has been discussed here. The CSA confuses us, straight or gay, and the abuse affects our sexual development and relationships with men and women. It's a great article and speaks profoundly to our "normal reactions to the very abnormal events in our lives."
Donald says that the myriad of reactions to the abuse in our lives is mostly predictable behavior, given the resources that we had as survivors. And these he refers to as coping mechanisms. Many of us, he says, have taken our coping mechanisms and turned them into a belief system. "This is the way that it is and I can't do anything about it."
Donald says that with therapy, most of our coping mechanisms, fade into the background and our true feelings come through to be our guide; that we recover what was once ours and we become healthy individuals with healthy sexual appetites.
Now, doesn't that sound like NIRVANA?
He does say it better than this and I'll let you know whan his site is up and running.

David

Thanks Dave. I will be looking for the web site.