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#13152 - 04/30/03 04:15 PM Just new !!!!!!! and starting a journy with one step
confused_n_alone Offline
Member

Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 31
Loc: Ottawa Ontario Canada


Well this is it !!!
I have mad the first step for the second time
(Let me Explain)

I first disclosed about my abuse when I was 18 confronted my abuser (Grandfather) and let the family know including his wife my grandmother which needless to say didn't go over very well....

That part for me seemed to be the easy part!
Then the memories cam back and the flash backs and every where I seemed to turn for help told me that there is no places for male survivor it wasn't a common occurrence and no place I looked really had any type of programs for me !!

I tried this course for several months either counseling wasn't available or it cost to much or the waiting list was to long...

I feel in to a self-destructive pattern alcohol drugs and I don't remember much of when I was 18

I meet a woman (My Wife for 10yrs) and I pushed my past away and started a new life my wife knows what happened and has been very supportive through out the years.

I am now 31 with a family and decent job and my life is on track..

But recently my past has reared its terrible head and I can't seem to push it away any more.

So again I have sought out counseling an found that it still is far and few between and the one's that are around are still very expensive though I am on a waiting list for a group and do have a counselor though I don't know for how long since my insurance only covers a small portion..

Am I doomed to start and stop the recovery process over and over?

Once was hard, the second even harder, Next time may not happen..


confused_n_alone

_________________________
A Jouney starts with one step
A Trip starts With Friends

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#13153 - 04/30/03 04:49 PM Re: Just new !!!!!!! and starting a journy with one step
Happy Birthday Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
First of all let me be the first to welcome you to the wolf pack confused_n_alone. You are not alone on this path to dealing, you ahve found your long lost brothers. I have been saved so many times by the other people on this board. I do not have the money to see a T so I think of this website as my group sesion. We will support you as much as we can. I have always wonder if their is a path to follow but what I have found that you can only be true to your self. Some times I need to take time off from my healing couse it is too hard at time, but I always seem to find my way back. One never starts from the same point you are always moving forward my friend.


Take care, Nathan


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#13154 - 04/30/03 04:59 PM Re: Just new !!!!!!! and starting a journy with one step
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Confused-n-alone.
As Nathan says."Welcome". He also states that he uses his brothers here as group therapy.
And that is what we are all about. Travelling down the road to living and not existing.

So relax, read, post and listen.

There is no magic potion and nobody here can tell you what to do or how to do it. What we can do is relate to your SA and provide some insight to you about how it affected us and what we did that worked and did not work (again for ourselves)

We call ourselves the Wolf Pack because we are social, protect each other and keep it safe here for survivors.

By posting here you have opened the door to yourself and we are grateful for that trust.

Quote:
Am I doomed to start and stop the recovery process over and over?
I dont really think so. With us all there is sometimes and most of the time 2 steps forward and 1 step back. There are a lot of really great guys here and we are all brothers in this together. I have been here I think since Feb and the support and affection I have received from one and all is amazing.
Mike

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#13155 - 04/30/03 05:46 PM Re: Just new !!!!!!! and starting a journy with one step
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Confused n Alone:

Quote:
Some times I need to take time off from my healing couse it is too hard at time, but I always seem to find my way back.
Nathan is right. In fact I find this is part of healing, knowing when to back off. Dang we can't be on the operating table getting surgery constantly. Sometimes we need to recoop & breathe!

Quote:
One never starts from the same point you are always moving forward my friend.
Nathan I needed to hear that too. Thanks young wolf!

Quote:
He also states that he uses his brothers here as group therapy.
And that is what we are all about. Travelling down the road to living and not existing.
More of many good words from Mike. We may not most of us be "official" therapists here, but we are very therapeutic for one another.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#13156 - 04/30/03 05:51 PM Re: Just new !!!!!!! and starting a journy with one step
tone Offline
Member

Registered: 04/22/03
Posts: 41
Loc: Canada
I decided to reply to your posting because I find your situation somewhat similar to mine. All but the fact that you had the courage to confront your perp and I cannot begin to imagine what the consequences were especially at 18. I am glad that you have a supportive wife who understands you. I am also married and she is great but she doesn't know my past history.
Anyways, thanks for your post, it gives me some courage to confront my own abuse and the people around me. I am sure that no matter how hard it maybe, you've got what it takes to deal with this.
Sincerely, tone

_________________________
Exchange On a visit to England by Ghandi
Reporter:"what do you think of Western Civilisation,Mr.Ghandi?"
Ghandi: I think it would be a good idea.

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#13157 - 04/30/03 08:30 PM Re: Just new !!!!!!! and starting a journy with one step
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
confused + alone
you are no longer "alone" and hopefully you'll be a lot less confused after a time here.

It's late here in the UK so I'm off to bed, catch you later.

Dave ;\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#13158 - 04/30/03 09:44 PM Re: Just new !!!!!!! and starting a journy with one step
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Quote:
Am I doomed to start and stop the recovery process over and over?
The answer is yes!

Until you really allow your mind, heart and body to become one you will continue to process in this fashion, A piece at a time.

However, this could be the time that it ends. Only you can decide how far you are willing to travel with each step. My experience however has been that leaps and bounds only serve to suppress, not actually deal with the pain. Sounds terribly cliche and my words ring cheaply but try not be too hard on yourself. I don't think that anyone here has worked through in one easy step. Your abuse lasted longer than an instant and so will your recovery. Being here and/or with a therapist allows you additional guides and resources to pick and apply as you need and can handle.

Be willing to let others help and be willing to help yourself. You won't get all the answers you seek, "No one does"! But you can pull yourself back together and go on.

THE WOLF PACK RULES!!! AWHOOOOoooooooooooo!!!!


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#13159 - 05/01/03 09:36 AM Re: Just new !!!!!!! and starting a journy with one step
confused_n_alone Offline
Member

Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 31
Loc: Ottawa Ontario Canada
\:o Thank You To Every one

Before ie.. 13 years ago i thought this would never happen ..

Someone understanding and supporting me

now here comes a question i am hoping people may be able to answer

Is there places for partner to go to try and understand and what to expect in the futur..
with my recovery

all answers welcom

And Thx

Confused N Alone
\:o

_________________________
A Jouney starts with one step
A Trip starts With Friends

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#13160 - 05/01/03 10:43 AM Re: Just new !!!!!!! and starting a journy with one step
randy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/02
Posts: 30
Loc: Pittsburgh, Pa
WElcome,
If I understand your question then my reply would be. Who knows what to expect in the future. Only you know the depth of your difficulties. Every day must be overcome and maybe this would be a good place for your partner to learn.


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#13161 - 05/01/03 04:02 PM Re: Just new !!!!!!! and starting a journy with one step
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
\:o Thank You To Every one

Before ie.. 13 years ago i thought this would never happen ..

Someone understanding and supporting me
Glad you're finding that here, C&A.

Quote:
now here comes a question i am hoping people may be able to answer

Is there places for partner to go to try and understand and what to expect in the futur..
with my recovery
If you & your partner don't mind doing recovery work on the same site, "Family & Friends" forum here is a possibility. Or, other survivor sites may have similar forums.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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