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#283263 - 04/11/09 02:20 PM Re: Open for business [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
starman77 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 36
Loc: Illinois
Identy issue can be a bear to deel with. I an not sure where I am.


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#283267 - 04/11/09 02:30 PM Re: Open for business [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
starman77 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 36
Loc: Illinois
Mr. Singer,

That is a great idea. Sometimes I feel like I have lost it.


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#283564 - 04/13/09 09:58 PM Re: Open for business [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
starman77 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 36
Loc: Illinois
Thanks Ken,

This has been the toughest issue in my recovery. Been trying to let it go but I find that hard to do. I hate the attraction...it just doesn't see to away.


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#290411 - 06/05/09 03:05 PM Re: Open for business [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
h.beat,h.break Offline


Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
There's an ambivalence when it comes to an abused man's sexuality. It's like everything we know about love, sex, intimacy and abuse get all tangled up.

I don't consider myself gay, straight or bi, but something is not hooking up right. The weird thing about this is that I hate being around other men because I don't meet the physical standards of what it means to be a man. But, I can have sex with one at the drop of a dime, even though I'm on automatic pilot during the encounter.

I hat this confusion with such a passion, I could burn a hole through through the Earth right now.

_________________________
Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

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#294031 - 07/03/09 04:59 AM Re: Open for business [Re: h.beat,h.break]
LilacLouie Offline


Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 359
Loc: Utah
I'm not gay, I'm not bi, and I'm not a tranny. Not going to go in any of those directions ever. I "went gay" briefly when I was a teenager, and I found it repulsive. If anyone else likes it, hey- whatever floats your boat. I don't care. But I also found back when I was living in Laramie (was planning on going to U/WY) that if a woman hits up on you and gets physical with you, you can slap her down. But if a gay hits up on you, you literally have no defense. Something about the Matthew Shepard kid. So, I quit going out to town at night.


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#309098 - 11/02/09 10:52 PM Re: Open for business [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
krayoss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 112
Loc: west
Thank you for providing yet another venue for discussion and healing.


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#332085 - 05/25/10 09:08 PM Re: Open for business [Re: krayoss]
KingFred Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/23/10
Posts: 57
Loc: West Coast, USA
I belong here. Not sure if I'm straight (been attracted to females since I started puberty) or bi (have a gay, very effeminate male friend that I've had a crush on since the 9th grade, and these feelings towards very effeminate males has been growing for a couple years). Or am I just lonely and seeking love?

_________________________
Not particularly a fan of hugs. High fives and well wishes are always appreciated though.

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#332094 - 05/25/10 10:23 PM Re: Open for business [Re: KingFred]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
hi kingfred,

we all need love so there's no shame in that. i identify as 90% gay [if that's possible] and have been in 2 hetero relationships [where there was not really any sexual attraction -- only emotional ]. i have an attitude now, being a serial monogamist, that if i were to be in another relationship, i would have a 'love the one you're with' attitude, no matter whether the person was male or female. i don't rule anything out now, and i believe recovery has brought me to that point, which for me feels like healthy integration. but everyone has to find their own path. trying to label myself was not the right way for me. it may be for somebody else though. we're all different and my understanding is that sexuality isn't truly black and white.

warm regards, and welcome,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#334337 - 06/21/10 02:41 PM Re: Open for business [Re: hikers1116]
violapoet730 Offline


Registered: 06/21/10
Posts: 8
Loc: Oklahoma
I am also new to this site, although in searching the internet for an 'outlet', if I may call it so, I came across this site browsed it and kept going at that time.

My google search brought me to this forum about sexual identity issues from my search for 'positive male behavioral reinforcement' and 'neediness in males'. I feel a lot of the same way you do... that lines that should have been distinct within their roles are now 'blurred'. The need of having a father was already an underlying issue for me before I had been seduced into sexual abuse. I needed the 'male' part of me that was weak to be strengthened/reinforced and it seemed that the embrace (even apart from it have a link sexually), the comfort, and the acceptance that all too many fathers even the 'male society' are too scared to give and display, it seemed that this is what I was receiving. However, I had to honestly take a step back to see if there was any selfishness involved in these acts; did the males from whom I was receiving these things have similar qualities as my abuser?

I have realized that I will be constantly attempting to cope in this aspect of my being; maybe not so much ridding myself of these insecurities, the hurt, the overall mental confusion at times but one thing that I take away from it which I see as a strength for me is that by attempting to cope, I am determined to not be hindered to love others unselfishly, in the way that is beneficial and promotes ones personality to flourish.


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#346010 - 11/22/10 03:01 PM Re: Open for business [Re: bwh]
Matt0487 Offline


Registered: 05/29/09
Posts: 27
Loc: Houston, TX, USA
If you never found a place, you can go to somewhere called The Meadows. It is excellent.


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