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#129208 - 09/26/04 11:26 PM Just for fun (How you rate with your wife).......
Yves Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/03
Posts: 93
Loc: Canada
[My ex-girlfriend Angelique could have written these herself.....]

How to make a woman happy...

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects--

Sorry, that's the way the game is played. You've probably been playing and losing at this game for some time, without any understanding why. Now that you have the scorecard, you may fare better.

Simple Duties
-------------
You make sure there's plenty of gas in the car...+1
You make sure there are barely enough fumes in the car to make it to the nearest gas station...-1
You take out the recyclables and stack them neatly by the curb...+1
You take out the recyclables at 4:30 am, just as the truck pulls away...-1
You load the dishwasher whenever you dirty a dish...+1
You leave dishes in the sink...-1
You leave them under the bed...-5
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings...+5
But return with beer...-5
You leave the toilet seat up...-1
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty...0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out, you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom...-2
You make the bed...+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows...0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...-1
You check out a suspicious noise at night...0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something...+5
You pummel it with a six iron...+10
It's her father...-10

Social Engagements
------------------
You stay by her side the entire party...0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy...-2
Named Tiffany...-4
Tiffany is a dancer...-6
Tiffany has implants...-8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly...+1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain," and pat her on the rump...-5
When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive,
you say,"Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you"...+1
When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you say,
"Yeah, but don't worry, she's lousy in bed"...-6
That woman is her sister...-90
You have one drink, and that's it...0
You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle...-2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted...-18

Saturday Afternoon
------------------
You go to the mall together...+3
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car...+4
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar...-2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it...+3
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional...0
You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk...+3
Most of it chips and beer...-6
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den...+15
Or refinishing the floors...+16
Or rewiring the basement...+17
Or adding a second floor...+18
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket...-6
And you're tickled pink about it...-15
You visit her parents...+1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation...+3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television...-3
And the television is off...-6
You spend the afternoon watching football in your underwear...-6
And you didn't even go to that college...-10
And it's not your underwear...-15

Her Birthday
------------
You take her out to dinner...0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar...-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night...-3
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player...+3
You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing...+4
And you stink...+2
And you're not half bad...+5
You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause...-2
You give her a gift...0
You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance...-10
You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance...+1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate...+2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months...+30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day...-10
With her credit card...-30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big...-40

Thoughtfulness
--------------
You forget her birthday completely...-10
You forget your anniversary...-20
You forget to pick her up at the bus station...-25
Which is in Newark, New Jersey...-35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast...-50

A Night Out With The Boys
-------------------------
Go out with a pal...-5
And the pal is happily married...-4
Or frighteningly single...-7
And he drives a Trans Am...-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)...-15
You have a few beers...-9
And miss curfew by an hour...-12
You get home at 3 am...-20
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars...-30
And not wearing any pants...-40
Is that a tattoo???...-200

Her Night Out
-------------
You watch the kids while she goes out with her annoying work friends...+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends,and she comes home late...+10
You wait up...+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed...+20

A Night At Home
---------------
You watch TV together...0
You rent a movie...+1
You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY...+3
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout...+5
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep...-1
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool...-2

A Night Out
-----------
You take her to a movie...+2
You take her to a movie she likes...+4
You take her to a movie you hate (anything with Susan Sarandon)...+6
You take her to a movie you like...-2
It's called DeathCop 3...-7
Which features cyborgs making out...-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans and sheepdogs...-15

Flowers
-------
You buy her flowers only when it's expected...0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it...+5
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself...+10
And she contracts Lyme disease...-25

Your Physique
-------------
You develop a noticeable potbelly...-15
You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it...+10
You develop a potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...-5

Finances
--------
You spend a lot of money on something impractical...-5
Something she can't use...-10
Such as a motorized model airplane...-20
And your kid needs braces...-30
In fact, all four of the kids need braces...-120

Driving
-------
You lose the directions on a trip...-4
You lose the direction and end up getting lost...-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town...-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal...-25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt...-60

The Big Question
----------------
She asks, "Do I look fat?"...-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in responding...-10
You reply, "Where?"...-25

Communication
-------------
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression...0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes...+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the TV...+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep...-10

_________________________
You know you love someone when you want them to be happy even though their happiness means you're not part of it. ~Author Unknown~

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#129209 - 09/27/04 12:00 AM Re: Just for fun (How you rate with your wife).......
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
My calculator can't cope with that much in the "minus"

Dave \:D

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#129210 - 09/27/04 06:27 AM Re: Just for fun (How you rate with your wife).......
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
geez this point system is much more generous than my ex-wife's (I guess that's why it is ex)

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#129211 - 08/12/05 08:54 PM Re: Just for fun (How you rate with your wife).......
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Yves, just thought I would bump this up.

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#129212 - 08/13/05 01:43 AM Re: Just for fun (How you rate with your wife).......
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Well, thanks for bumping it up, I must have missed it the first time around.

Between my belly laughs and my tears, I guess I'd have to say that I enjoyed it. But, I suppose that's gunna cost me some points, too.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#129213 - 08/14/05 02:03 AM Re: Just for fun (How you rate with your wife).......
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
ditto Bill's comment from almost a year ago, same goes for me \:\)


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#129214 - 08/14/05 08:49 AM Re: Just for fun (How you rate with your wife).......
Wifey1 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 380
Hope you guize don't mind my input on this one .... but Hubby was in the PLUS side cuz I just cant even remember our "own anniversary" !!

thanks for the "giggle"!!

Sammy
ps I LOVE the football & Hubby says I "drive HIM nuts if he interrupts my "hootin & hollerin" ! \:\)


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#129216 - 08/14/05 09:31 PM Re: Just for fun (How you rate with your wife).......
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
You go shopping with her +5
You tell her she looks too fat in that dress -50
Which can also lead to physical damage.
You tell here she looks great in the dress to just get her to buy it and get outta the shop -30
She cooks up the worst meal in history to spite you and you say that was yummy -80
Can lead to more physical damage.
You take her on a romantic cruise for two +75
You tell her you won it as a prize -100
You keep agreeing with her +50
Dare to argue with her -75
She says all men are the same! And you agree +50
You say all women are the same, and she disagrees -75
Saying hurry up darling on a shopping trip so I can watch the soccer can have very serious side effects, and my require hospital treatment,

so beware

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#129217 - 08/15/05 12:10 AM Re: Just for fun (How you rate with your wife).......
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Self edited for self preservation.

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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