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#129187 - 09/25/04 07:27 PM Heads up....please consider
Pollyanna Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/03
Posts: 211
Loc: Missouri
As someone who has seen what happened when I gave out too much information, I have seen some things posted that make me a little nervous. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I figured I'd mention it in case I'm not. Being a little more discreet publicly would maybe have saved me months of crap.

As we have seen in the not so distant past, there have been people come here to this site who have not had anyone's best interest at heart. We don't know why they come or what they might do with what they find. I came here to help a young man, and people who had things to lose found me here, and decided to try to use what I said against me instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. Because of the information I gave out, there was NO DOUBT to these people who I was! I felt trusting of people I was talking to here, and I believe that was justified. The problem is, there are people we don't know are here.

Some people here are maybe open books with everyone in their lives. Maybe everyone who ever knew them knows everything. Others, nobody knows anything except those here. There are varying degrees of openness in the 2000+ population.

The thing I have seen that concerns me lately is people giving out " other people's " information. I know people here get to know each other at retreats and internet, phone, whatever, but that's private between them. They have "revealed" themselves to those specific people for specific reasons, not the general public. It's one thing for us to post stuff about ourselves and our situations, and quite another to be saying things that can be revealing about someone else. It could be putting someone in a stressful or even dangerous situation without realizing it. If someone "knows" someone on a little more personal level, maybe it would be better to keep it in PM mode.

I'm not trying to be the "hall monitor" or anything, and I hope nobody takes offense to this. Some people want to remain anonymous for really good reasons.

Now Paranoid Pollyanna

_________________________
"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."

Anne Lamott

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#129188 - 09/25/04 08:08 PM Re: Heads up....please consider
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I can somewhat agree with your point, there maybe people who are not quite here for the reasons of the many, thankfully they are few.

I was a closed book until I came here, but some of the chapters have opened them up, to let the shit out, sometimes it causes stress, sometimes relief and happiness.

It is hard to make friends, even in here, as we have all been through so much trauma and relative illness compounded by the years.

I hope you can get over your paranoia, I don't really know your story. But please don't leave, just because of what someone has said, sometimes people write things, not knowing who might take it so wrongly. It is way too late once posted. I try to look at my stuff when posting before I post, just in case there is unintentional views.

take care

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#129189 - 09/26/04 01:32 AM Re: Heads up....please consider
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Pollyanna
You are absolutely right to point this out, especially if you have suffered from a bad experience.
The last thing we want is to repeat, and keep on repeating, such experiences.

I know that I could easily be traced from my activities here, but I accept that because I don't particularly need to hide my Survivor status, I don't advertise it, but if someone finds out about me then I'll explain if that's what's needed.

For those that want to remain anonymous then they have a responsibility towards themselves to maintain that anonimity.
They should use a nickname, never disclose their real name, personal email address, phone number, home address or anything that can pin them down to who they really are. It's possible to use the MS site and not even disclose which country you're in!

For anyone to use MS we need to have an email address to establish a connection, it wont work without it.
Very few people, possibly two or three, have access to the control panel, so that's safe.

For many people this aspect of 'safety' is important, they don't want friends and family to find out, employers might not 'understand' if they are in a sensitive job such as teaching, legal proceedings might still be ongoing - there are many reasons to remain anonymous, and none really affect the way anybody interacts here on the site.

The downside is that it becomes slightly easier for imposters to come here, but with the experience and skills the Mod's now have we spot them far sooner.
And we are prepared to vigorously challenge anyone suspicious to ensure the safety of the members, and we will continue to do so.

The problems we face as survivors, the issues we raise, our behaviours and thoughts aren't dependant on knowing the true identity of the others here. So anonimity is a good option if you are unsure of the possible consequences of exposure.
But we, the Moderators and Administrators, can't do it for you. All we can do is maintain confidentiality, which we do.

Take care.
Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#129190 - 09/26/04 03:18 AM Re: Heads up....please consider
Pollyanna Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/03
Posts: 211
Loc: Missouri
I so very much appreciate the moderators and administrators here. Everyone works so hard to keep people safe. Even me! Dave, I owe you a lot.

I chose to give out information about me, which I take responsibility for. "I" just really felt like I wanted to. If someone else that I knew, or "kinda" knew, started posting things publicly concerning me that could reveal more than I was ready to, I would consider that boundary hopping. As you have said Dave, there may be pending legal things, jobs or other things that could be adversely affected.

Anyway, that's what I meant...other people's stuff. I posted lots of stuff about Scotty, but I had his permission. But if he was really Brad Pitt I wouldn't say! (He's not!)

It's just wise to allow people to be the keepers of their own openness.

Hugs,
Lynn

_________________________
"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."

Anne Lamott

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#129192 - 09/26/04 08:15 AM Re: Heads up....please consider
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I have had some little panics here, and they have been stupid little things. Like, just out of boredom, typing my name into 'google' and finding some things from Male Survivor show up (along with about 50 Russian sites and multiple porn sites! Good god!)

I know that I have felt at times I have revealed too much of myself here, sometime in public open areas, and sometime just to other members personally. Perhaps some of that sharing is stupid of me, and is me not being responsible for my safety, as Dave said. But I have been fortunate, in that the people I have shared more of myself with have been decent enough and worthy enough of such secure information that it has never been misused or misplaced.

There is a member directory. Many members have their full names and addresses available through that. I am not one who does, even though I am member. It is a credit to the organization that they allow us to maintain so much of our privacy even in there. I thank you for that.

But yes, it should be up to the individual what information they choose to share, how much, and with whom. Just as what is said on the member forum should not be alluded to in the public forums, what a person says to another in private conversation should also not be made public. It should be at individual discretion. Thank you for raising the subject, um, 'Pollyanna'! (Since you didn't sign your real name! ;\) )

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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