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#129082 - 09/10/04 06:30 PM more lessons: continuing journal
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
for those who reach...in other words, all of us.


9-10-04—1214hrs—Friday

Something seems to have changed. I woke up this morning and I was just tired of all the nonsense. I was tired of being sick all the time from binging. I was tired of beating myself up all the time. On the way to work, this morning, I was able to recite the entire Bridgebuilder devotion from memory. I am not going to binge anymore. This is for me. It is just not satisfying anything anymore, and only making things worse for my health and wellbeing. There have been too many times I have blacked out and could not recall what I did the night before. It is memory loss, not a toxic episode. On the plus side, the hangovers have not been that bad at all J.

It really meant a lot to me that I was able to recite Bridgebuilder from memory. I did get tripped a little, but I finally recalled the correct version. Something has changed for me. Part of it is the new acceptance and understanding about LT. I even socialized a little with a fellow student yesterday. Funny thing is, it felt good. I had talked with My therapist about what seems to be my current ambivalence about the loss of the relationship now. There are many things going into this current change in thinking, but she is confident that it is not ambivalence about the loss. I have changed from four years ago. There are things I know now that I did not back then. It does not mean that what I shared with LT is less in quality or something. My therapist said it is more that I am able to see a larger picture now, and not get trapped in my old>
_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#129083 - 09/12/04 08:39 AM Re: more lessons: continuing journal
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
Still with you...


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#129084 - 09/12/04 11:17 AM Re: more lessons: continuing journal
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
aden,
at times i feel like i am going to make it. at other times, well, depression and the>
_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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