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#128871 - 08/30/04 02:46 PM What is the purpose of MaleSurvivor?
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
In recent weeks I've begun to ask myself this question and now nearly on a daily basis I keep coming back to this.

What is the purpose of MaleSurvivor?

Let me beat you all to the punch:

This is a brotherhood, a fraternity, a wolfpack. Right?

Would a brotherhood forget that one of it's members, who's here quite frequently, recently went through a hurricane disaster and had limited access to the internet? Did anyone send him a "hope you're ok, we miss you much" PM? NO!

Are we really here to help each other as a community? Or isn't this really one big frat house with out-liers in the lawn looking inside watching the big boys party it up?

The people who come to the discussion boards and the chat rooms are a huge melting pot of pure pain, anguish and trouble. With that in mind, is it no wonder that thermo-nuclear meltdowns occur in the discussion boards and chat rooms?

I think the best most of us can do is figure out how much of this we can take and then stick with only minute exposure to all of this 'stuff'.

I recently joined this organization officially and now I have ZERO clue why I did it.

Have fun with this post guys, I'm sure you're all going to chop my head off on this!


Cheers.

Jimmer


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#128872 - 08/30/04 03:01 PM Re: What is the purpose of MaleSurvivor?
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
What is the purpose of Malesurvivor?

1. Its a place we can go to know that we are not the only ones who have suffered this great trauma.

2. Its a place we can go to ask other survivors advice on the problems and issues we have.

3. Its a place we can go to vent our feelings

4. Its a place we can go to find some good books on the subject of sexual abuse.

5. It is a brotherhood. I understand what you are saying about the member from Florida but I think most people didn't know he was from Florida or if so where in the state he was from. Mistakes are made sometimes, were only human.

Those are the reasons I can think of off the top of my head but I think thats a valid reason to come to this site.

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#128873 - 08/30/04 03:11 PM Re: What is the purpose of MaleSurvivor?
Archnut Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/02
Posts: 343
Loc: United Kingdom
Jimmer

I come here to make sure that I'm not going round the bend.

As far as the term brotherhood is concerned I hate it. It makes my skin creep in fact, smacks of secrecy (sp)and of being in the shadows.

Thats why I dont use it.

Ive had enough of secrecy

Archnut


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#128874 - 08/30/04 03:16 PM Re: What is the purpose of MaleSurvivor?
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Jimmer, I think the name of this site makes it self evident as to its purpose. However, what we put into it, how much positive energy we invest in it and ourselves will determine how effective it might be. Peace, Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#128875 - 08/30/04 03:24 PM Re: What is the purpose of MaleSurvivor?
survive75 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 304
Loc: Massachusetts
I wish I had enough time to come here more often, reply to posts more, and PM people who are going through rough times. However, with a full-time job and trying to handle my own shit, I am lucky to briefly make it once a day. Equally, I don't expect others here to be able to do much more than reply occasionally to a post or PM of mine.

The purpose of any online forum is to provide just that - a forum - for issues that we are facing. It is not a brotherhood. At least, I don't think of it that way. It is a group of random people who have found this site and have common interests - albeit tragic ones - to discuss.

And considering what we discuss here, I think we all need to be commended that we don't have more meltdowns here. This is volatile stuff we are dealing with and the fact that we can lend support to each other when we can is amazing.

I'm sorry you have come to question your membership here. But like anything, you can choose to a) stay on and give and take what you can via the internet with a bunch of men who are just like you or b) leave and put your energy elsewhere.

I think we need everyone here because our collective experiences, our differences in views, and our recovery efforts are valuable to us all at the site.

_________________________
-Sean

"Even though I know/I donít want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"

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#128876 - 08/30/04 03:24 PM Re: What is the purpose of MaleSurvivor?
brian-z Offline
Member

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
Jim and Archnut,

I'm with you on the brotherhood thing. People are going to click up, it's human nature. But it's common courtesy not to flont it publicly.


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#128877 - 08/30/04 03:24 PM Re: What is the purpose of MaleSurvivor?
Dan88 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/02
Posts: 247
Loc: DC
Personally, I consider it an online support group. But I don't really see it as a community or brotherhood. I just don't know the people here well enough. Not that I don't value all the feedback and support I receive here. I very much do appreciate it all.

I certainly won't jump on you. I think you've raised one of the interesting problems with maintaining a group like this. This is a very diverse group brought together by just one unpleasant shared aspect of our history. But a lot of the other obvious stuff, we don't know about each other.

In the case you reference, I certainly didn't know there was someone here affected by the hurricane. (In fact, I still don't know who it is.) I also don't know who's having a birthday, who's suffered a loss in their family, who's moving, who's getting divorced, who's been laid off from work, etc.

Given the limitations, I think this place functions as a great support group. But if people want it to be more than that, maybe we need to consider how to make that happen.


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#128878 - 08/30/04 05:49 PM Re: What is the purpose of MaleSurvivor?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Let me make a couple of things quite clear. When there are references to wolfpack and brotherhood I can honestly tell you that they orginated with me and someone named Wuamei. In no way was it supported by the Board of MS. As a matter of fact two people for whom I have a great deal of respect expressed their displeasure.

So if you want to beat someone to death about this Ime the Guy you want to attack. I refer to it as a brotherhood for the following reasons.

Our past has brought us here. We come mostly in pain and fear etc. We bring a different personality and set of emotions to MS. But we have one thing in common. We are trying to put our lives back together. And what do we find here. By and large compassion and fellowship.
Speaking for myself I have never in my life encountered that from men. I have been kicked in the ass when I needed it and have been offered support and guidance when I needed it and I try to carrry that out to all who come here.

IF ANY OF YOU FIND THAT OFFENSIVE I APPOLOGIZE. BUT THE CLIQUE THAT IS REFERRED TO IS WRONG. I ASK YOU ALL TO LOOK INWARDS AT YOURSELVES AND ASK CAN I DO THIS ON MY OWN. I KNOW GODDAMNED WELL I COULD NOT.
SO DONT ATTACK MS OR THE BOARD OR OTHER MODERATORS. IT IS ME THAT YOU WANT. HAS EVERYONE GOT THAT FOR GODS SAKE

I HAVE JUST PLAIN HAD ENOUGH

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#128879 - 08/30/04 06:02 PM Re: What is the purpose of MaleSurvivor?
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
Mike,

I was going to send you a PM to explain the reason for my posting this but since you've taken it upon yourself to be abusive and offensive to the other guys who've posted their opinions about hating the idea of a brotherhood or clique, I'll respond in public.

Had you taken the time to read my points as well as those from the other guys here you might have seen things from a little different angle.

It seems ok when some people (read: INSIDE THE BROTHERHOOD) post things on this board that bother them. If others (read: OUTSIDE THE BROTHERHOOD) post things that bother them, their heads are bitten off. It seems that if you're inside the Brotherhood, you can post something about how you feel, what's wrong, why you're anguishing inside.

Hell, you can even post things about other people that are not so nice and even get away with it!

Outside the Brotherhood, you're posts that are not so nice are edited for content, or moved, always without warning and often without warrant.

Read my post on the Discussion Board board and you'll get my drift.


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#128880 - 08/30/04 06:08 PM Re: What is the purpose of MaleSurvivor?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
I THINK I MADE IT CLEAR WHY I REFER TO IT AS A BROTHERHOOD AND IF THAT IS NOT CLEAR I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS. SO IF I AM WRONG I FREAKING WELL APPOLOGIZE OK

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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