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#128721 - 08/25/04 10:10 AM Re: Question for those with DID (Triggers)
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2258
Loc: Maryland USA
Marc,

I am often aware of what's going on. I don't know what changes people see, but more people than my T can pick up on them now. For instance, my wife has talked about me "looking different" sometimes. She has even "named" some.

As for "being gone" I know that happens sometimes, but I don't know much more than the fact that it happens. It's more a matter of not having memories of certain things than one of finding myself "quantum leaping" into strange new situations.

Let me know if you want to hear more.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#128722 - 08/25/04 05:23 PM Re: Question for those with DID (Triggers)
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Marc,

never knew what dissociate really meant, but I suppose, even with not being diagnosed, I have felt, that I dissociate, I have done it for years.

It used to cause me great embarrassment, but I get over it. It still causes problems, but I try to make it seamless in my life, just let them think, I am mad, but don't give them enough rope.

I use sharp wit, and humour, to get me out of it. These things I didn't have in the past, and it caused huge embarrassment, mostly when it was the last thing I needed, but it is a learning curve.

take care

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#128723 - 08/25/04 05:57 PM Re: Question for those with DID (Triggers)
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Marc,

As you know, when I disassociate, I'm aware of it. My therapists have said I "change," namely voice (higher when Little Scot, lower when Frank) and posture (Little Scot withdraws, Frank is militaristically rigid).

It's kind of hard to explain. I'm aware of it, I can control it most of the time, but it's like a "Chinese Wall" comes down over me. Yeah, I'm aware, but when they're talking or writing, it's like I'm in a witnessing room, watching it through one-way glass.

What's scary is at times, I DON'T control it. Frank has a tendancy to seize control, as he is trying to protect me. He's a good actor, too. He can really "be" me when HE "is" me. I know how weird that sounds, but it happens.

I truly fear what will happen when I go on meds for this (IF I do. So far, this hasn't been a major distraction). Keeping tabs on the parts of me that separated and are trying to express themselves is actually therapeutic, and I hope it can lead to a real re-integration.

I was rather long-winded, but I hope this helps.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#128724 - 08/25/04 07:30 PM Re: Question for those with DID (Triggers)
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Scot and Marc

I lived my life being little ste, he makes everyone one laugh, but he was always hurt, when people make comments like, "grow up".

But little ste, is who I am, the man who protects him can be so much so protective, he can flip if you want to hurt him, the feeling of being there for the little boy inside, get's me out of trouble, but people never can understand why the little boy still comes out even when I am so old.

Don't know the answer here, all I know, I feel, that the little boy in me, shows so much love, he shows so much what the little boy should have witnessed, but he is showing it now in manhood, in not the real light, and he is sometimes is mocked, for being childish.

I suppose I live in an eternal child like state. but what the hell, I can be childish, and I don't doing it, it causes problems, but I am reliving it.

Should I say, never really knew it, but, I still have little ste inside me, and he will never be hurt again, nobody can touch him, because he witnessed so much evil in his childhood, there is only me to care for him, and I will fight anyone who think they can do more hurt.

Little ste protects me, he always has done, he is my guide, he went through all this to keep me safe in my adult life, he never wemt through all of this for nothing.

I am the child prortecting the adult, I am the adult protecing the child within.

Little ste wins so many times over, because he always knew what was right, he still does, and he always wins, Why?, because he has to.

He is the wisdom of my childhood, he needs me and he cares, he cries for the horrible things that go on in the world but he has no choice, but to cry..

take care

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#128725 - 08/25/04 10:00 PM Re: Question for those with DID (Triggers)
al Offline
Member

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 143
Loc: canada
I just got out of 5 days of DID hell. can you please put a trigger on this kind of stuff. \:\( \:\( \:\(

_________________________
Those who dance appear insane to those who cannot hear the music. Mark Kleiman

Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it. Winston Churchill

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#128728 - 08/26/04 10:43 PM Re: Question for those with DID (Triggers)
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Not aware of it until I 'wake up' to myself afterwards. I guess I am the odd one of it all.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#128729 - 08/26/04 11:14 PM Re: Question for those with DID (Triggers)
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I hope what I say here doesn't sound bad or goes the wrong way when it comes out... so bare with me.

I don't know much about DID but I have a feeling it is more prevalent in survivors than anyone realizes. By all of you sharing what you have, I am getting a unique opportunity to come to a better understanding of what DID is about. Of course I could read some books, but hearing first hand is much more informative to me.

I applaud the courage you all have to share these things and I'm sure there are others reading in the background benefiting from what you write. If you feel safe enough, keep sharing because I for one want to keep learning and understanding more about an area where I know very little.

And if this all came out wrong, let me know and I will delete it. The last thing I would want to do is to cause anyone more hurt from something like this that I posted.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#128730 - 08/27/04 05:22 AM Re: Question for those with DID (Triggers)
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Don,

thank you for the reply of support. I do not talk so much of it here for several reasons. First, that I spent long time trying to deny that it was me. That I have this. I would not read about it, learn about it, because I think that ignorance of it will make it go away. Well, that don't work.

Also, as has been pointed out here at this site, there are other resources online specific to the diagnosis. So I feel often that to speak of it will not be welcomed here by some.

Yet another reason is just feeling embarrassed and ashamed, feeling the 'crazy' title attached to my ass. Yes, I know, it is not crazy. Many people I trust and respect have told me that. But still, it sure feels like it when it is out of control and 'under the radar', in me not being aware of it.

Anyway, thank you for your kindness. Just as if someone post about diagnosis of depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, whatever, it can be a sensitive issue.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#309054 - 11/02/09 03:35 PM Re: Question for those with DID (Triggers) [Re: Leosha]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6713
Loc: USA
Hello guys,

I am one of you. Which one, I don't know! smile

I have been in denial about DID problems. But I have come to the awareness that I need to work on it some more. My therapy for DID blew up after about a year. I had made tremendous progress but was feeling embarrassed about DID. Also, my DID T used "deep relaxation". I learned the technique and started doing it on myself at home. As a result I made fantastic progress but ended up scuttling the ship.

At present I have some residual problems. I don't have amnesia from day-to-day and I don't lose time. Apparently I only have the residual structure of the DID still in place. But I have: 1) Memory problems. 2) I notice a big difference in different days in my music proficiency. I think it depends on which residual alternate personality is UP. 3) I am differently poised socially on different days (more than the average person). 4) I am more depressed on certain days. 5) Some days I have trouble responding to posts on MS. On other days posting on MS flows freely. 6) I am sometimes childishly playful and prankish (12-y-o alter). If I probe my own consciousness, I have slightly different childhood memory tags on different days.

I have found that watching certain films (movies) is healing. For me, doing eye excercises to correct strabismus and dissociation is healing but can give huge headaches. (Strabismus has been combined with disassociation for me)

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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