The Genius of Peter Kay:
1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I
2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.
ThenI realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
3) My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her
voice.For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
4) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my
wifeto go swimming.
5) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I
don'tget on with my real ladder.
6) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'.
So Iordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of differentnames.
But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is
probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
9) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a goodpartner,
you'd better have a good hand.
10) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made
11) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all
nervousand give the wrong answers.
12) You know that look women get when they want sex? * Meneither.
Peter Kay's questions...
1. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way
downto the core of the earth?
2. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
3. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling yourarse?
4. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing
you dois stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?
5. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
6. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains
forcenturies' have a 'use by' date?
7. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast
to ahorrible crisp no one would eat?
8. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
9. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think
I'llsqueeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
10. What do people in China call their good plates?
11. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time,
butdon't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
12. What do you call male ballerinas?
13. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
14. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
15. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made
fromvegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
16. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a
billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
17. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
18. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he
getsmad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window?
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!