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#128311 - 07/26/04 02:13 PM Re: Recovered Memories
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
I have no recovered memories. Nothing was ever forgotten. When my roommates lose their keys, I tell them where the keys are. I can quote Shakespear at length. We all lose a detail here and there, but the big picture is all here.

Some people do seem to lose bits and pieces. Not me. I have it all right here. That doesn't prove anything. The fact that I can recite a 7 digit number backward after 10 min of intense questioning is just a trick of mind. So is forgeting things we don't want to know.

So, what are you getting at?

Aden


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#128313 - 07/26/04 02:47 PM Re: Recovered Memories
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
Good! You are being specific. I can't remember for you. You must do that for yourself. And you have to be honest. If you don't KNOW the truth, don't try to make it up. When you know there isn't any doubt.

I hope othere who have retrieved memories will chime in on this. But I think it would be wrong to base your reactions on memories that you are unsure of.

This looks like what the term "soul searching" was created to define.

Aden


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#128314 - 07/26/04 05:12 PM Re: Recovered Memories
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Will

there sure is a lot of doubt in there, when SA happens it sure is a can of worms to deal with.

Don't know whether this will help, mine happened 39yrs ago, I shut it away because of the hurt and let my mind deal with the aftermath, I shut it totally away at one point and told myself it never happened

It came back horribly and I could not remember the event, like being fogged out, I started to dig deep back into the past and found myself back at the point when it happened, I can now detail it almost exactly as it happened, it took months to do it, I still can only guess though, that it was mid summer and can't pinpoint the exact year.

To put into perspective, I know what you are saying but any doubt needs to be put away and try to discover what really happened, if you think you can go "back". I think our minds somehow try to blot out the memory, maybe part of the survival process the mind uses.

You know the thing, maybe someone is caught in the middle of a gun battle and they can't bear witness, as their mind did not want to take in the massacre, the mind pretends it "was not real" to help us survive, so the mind refuses to detail exactly what happened, even though the event is etched into the mind, detachment from the event is most likely out of trauma, not being able to relate to the event.

I don't want you to think, this is the answer, it is only my observation, on "my" abuse, but the question you asked is, how do you put this all together and find the answers, and I would say you need to try and go back, think of who was in the house, go through all the people you know it could have been, try and go back to before the event, it is all there, it is you who needs to choose whether to revisit.

It was for me a challenge, the reason I went back was because of the hurt, I think it actually did me good because it justified the hurt I was going through

hope this makes sense

take care

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#128315 - 07/26/04 05:34 PM Re: Recovered Memories
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Will,

I repressed the VAST majority of my abuse for over 20 years, because the memories were horrible. The guilt and later the fear were that bad.

Now, I'd be willing to put my recovered memories against the "experts" any damn time. Yes, there are things that are hazy, such as what dates the abuse happened, how long it went on, how I was able to hide it so damn well from people (and how HE was able to keep it going when the time together was becoming FAIRLY OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE!, but I know what I frigging know. And if it came down to the "Michael Jackson" test, I remember VIVIDLY certain details of the bastard's body now.

Yep, they can be unreliable, and I wouldn't take this into court (a good lawyer can shred the Hell out of it), but I know what's real. Including a scar on my shoulder that, for the life of me, I couldn't remember getting for over 20 years. Yet there it is, and something that left that kind of mark, you'd think you'd remember, right?

As someone here once told me, if it looks, walks, flies, and quacks like a duck, it's a f**king duck. If it feels real to you, probably it was.

Frigging quack to that, my brother.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#128316 - 07/26/04 09:04 PM Re: Recovered Memories
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Maybe this has already been said, but then there is the love of family thing even though you're having the shit beat out of you or abused from one end of your body to the other.
"No, my mother was very loving and never did anything like you're saying."
Or, "Yes, my family loves me, and just because they left me in that small town in Colorado doesn't mean that they forgot me or anything."
We can "forget" what we have to, to survive. And sometimes we are dragged, kicking and screaming back into the reality of getting this shit out.
I hate to hear about how some kids can be bagered when giving testimony of what happened to them. Besides, when these things happened to me, they removed kids to juvenile facilities for evaluation...most were treated as criminals...at least that's what I heard and I would have never told on anyone for that reason alone.

Peace and strength,

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#128317 - 07/26/04 09:16 PM Re: Recovered Memories
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
When I came here a little over a year ago, I thought I remembered all of my abuse. Strange I never noticed that there was 3-4 months missing before. When that time started to come back, it was very unravelling. No wonder I surpressed that. I didn't like remembering it in the small peices that it was coming back in. It still isn't all here, but it is getting a lot easier and it makes sense out of a lot of things and fears I have.

Take care,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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