Welcome Vac. Glad you've found us, and that you've taken this courageous step in beginning to talk about it. Like Larry says, talking helps to rob the memories of their power to hurt. I would only add that sometimes it can hurt a lot worse before it starts to get better.
So many of us here have experienced exactly that, and we've made it through to the shallow water on the other side. You can too, and we're here to help you out in any way we can. Just keep talking as you go and take small steps. We've got your back.
Lots of love,
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson