So,
Im in Therapy and I feel like Iv hit a wall. Iv disscused this with my tharapist. I dont know how many more breathing exercises I can go threw. How much does a person have to talk and relive the abuce in order to decrese the flashbacks and night terrors. In the 15 years since the abuce Iv spent 12 of those years in therapy. Im so fucking sick of it. How does this/that make little you feal, shit! It all seams so fucking absurd. All I want is a day with out a falshback and a good nights sleep. It seems like everything I do just isnt enough. I dont know how to work harder at this. I leave therapy exausted. Im shure you all know what its like to cry for an hour. Its just all I want is some fucking peace and I cant evean have that. I feel like Im at the point where I dont evean want to go to therapy anymore. I feel like this is as good as it gets. At least im not looking over my shoulder to make shure Im not about to be attacked. Is this what its like? will I have to go the rest of my life avoding triggers? if thats the case I need to win the lotory and lock myself in my house. I know that is being unreal but shit, how do you do this. I know what to do after a flashback but thats not good enough. I dont want to have them at all. sorry to rant but right now I just cant talk to my theripst right now. agen sorry for the rant It felt good to vent

usccabum,

Talking about how we feel is often a great way to get out from under the pressure, so vent away, my friend!

If you have been in therapy for 12 years and feel you have made little progress or have hit a wall, as you say, perhaps the best thing would be to ask your therapist what he/she thinks is wrong. Ask for an honest opinion and see what you get. In particular ask about flashbacks, which seem to be a major concern of yours, and what can be done to avoid them.

Another possibility is that this therapist is not the right one for you. There are many different professional approaches to therapy for CSA, and perhaps what you need is a different perspective. If, for example, your T has no productive idea about what you can do concerning flashbacks, I would be wondering how much experience he/she has with male survivor issues.

Much love,
Larry