There's a store in my area mall that sells t-shirts with funny (and occasionally tasteless) t-shirts. Considering how unstable mentally I feel all the time, some of them hit home about my mental state, and are actually quite funny to me.

Here are a few of my favorites. Please keep in mind that these are funny TO ME and may be offensive to some, especially if you're sensitive to comments about mental health. I mean no offense, especially because I AM mentally ill, but feel suitably warned and apologized ahead of time to.

Can't fall asleep, clowns will eat me. Can't fall asleep, clowns will eat me. Can't fall asleep.....

Four out of five people find me obsessive. Why do four out of five find me obsessive? I mean, why doesn't the other person find me obsessive? And why do four people find me obsessive?....

My imaginary friend thinks you have issues.

People like you are the reason people like me are on antipsychotics.

When I got up this morning, I had ONE nerve left. And now you're GETTING on it!

You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're the same.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and I am too.

Keep talking, it's something for me to listen to while I reload.

The voices in my head like you, but I think you're a jerk.

God called. He left a message. Stop it now!

The red pills stop the voices, the blue ones turn up the volume. Pity I'm colorblind.

One pill makes you large, one pill makes you small. Which is which?

Know yourself. On second thought, maybe it's better you don't.

Of course I like you. That's why I'm outside your window with nightvision goggles at three a.m. watching you sleep.

Okay, I'll stop now.

Laughing is the one way I have for dealing with my issues.

Peace and love,

Scot

I've seen lots of shirts like this too, and I like them. Two of my favorites that I didn't see you mention were: "One by one the penguins steal my sanity" and "I like you. I'll kill you last."

What can I say, I've got a pretty odd sense of humor.

Ok here are a few I liked from the mall in Oklahama City.

I used to be schizophrenic but we're ok now.

Normal people scare me.

There's light at the end of every tunnel, just hope it's not a train.

My troubled child beat up your honor student.

The voices are right, they are out to get you.

OK thats just a few of the ones I liked.

James

I haven't seen this on a T-shirt, but sometimes I tell my wife:

You're just jealous 'cause the voices won't talk to you.

I should give up with the Jefferson Airplane lyrics, now that is scary

Archnut
"and all that was left was hope"

That same shop is now sellshirts with stuff from the movie, "Office Space" on them. Which by the way if you haven't seen the movie, you should. Doesn't live up to the hype as a whole, but it has DAMN funny parts.

My favorite character is the one fixated on his desk and red stapler. I can't remember his name, but he's played by Stephen Root (and since he does a voice in "Finding Nemo," he actually pays homage to the character in it!). I like the shirt that has him peering out from behind a corner saying "excuse me, but I believe that's MY stapler!"

Anyway, there were a couple of shirts I did leave out.

Some days, it's not worth chewing through the restraints to get out of bed in the morning.

My Mom thinks I'm cool.

You beat me up every day in school, and now you're serving me fries.

If I behave, I get to move out of the group home next month!

Sure, Mom, Gay can mean happy!

Sorry girls, I'm Gay!

Nobody knows I'm Gay.

Shhhhh.....I'm in the Witness Protection Program.

Lick Bush and Beat Dick (I'm wearing this when I vote next November. I also plan to be arrested afterward! )

I scare Hannibal Lecter.

Heaven doesn't want me. Hell's afraid I'll take over.

I'm so evil, the Devil worships me.

A day for firm decisions! (I think)

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's a 10,000,000,000,000,000 watt light bulb.

God has a sense of humor. He created Darwin.

I only want the simple things in life, like the world to worship me like the God that I am.

Okay, that's enough.

Peace and love,

Scot

Everybody is entitled to my opinion

My keychain says, "If you eat a frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for the rest of the day."

Hmmm,
(borrowing from a song)
I tell the truth except when I lie
If you don't believe me, ask me again and I'll tell you the same
Do you talk just to hear your own voice?
Are you still talking?
Now, who are you again and why should I care?
You would bitch if I hung you with a new rope
If I said you have a beautiful body would you give me a discount?
Casey

I just bought a new t-shirt the other day that says "I have gone to find myself, if I get back before I return, keep me here."
That describes me perfectly!