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#126885 - 06/25/06 01:03 AM flash backs
usccabum1985 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 43
Loc: Illinois
So my tharapst is in the bahamas and it took a few hours to get up the kahunas to post this.
I was at my frinds house for out weekly fine liquer night ( I know some might think this iresponsibal, but friday is the ONLY night I drink) so, I was sitting in my frinds room/lounge, which has been a safe and comferting place for me. so I was watching an eppisode of My Name Is Eral and there was a sceen in which a women was yelling a someone. I didnt notic is at first and it realy didnt stand out. Well the next thing I know my vission started to get blurry and BAM! full on lost tuch with reality fuckin sitting on the top shelf of my childhood closet watching myself be abused. I didnt come to untill one of my frinds started shaking me. I came to and this flood of emoting came streeming threw. Im glad my frind tom was there to just hug me and tell me I was safe but man, that scared the shit out of me. Its never happend that bad when Im out in public, never more than a 15 second deal, and those are easy to hide from people. It just scared me. dose anyone else on this bord suffer from bad flashbacks as well. and if so do you take meds to controal them. This is why I ask.
When I left a treatment program I was HEVELY medicated on Geodon, Remaron, and Mirtzipene. I could not funtion on the doses I was at. So with my docter we started to reduce the meds so I could hold a job. Well when the meds finly got to a point that I could hold a job, they stoped being effective. and that scares me. It makes me think that I need to be on such a high dose, that is it realy posibal to hold a job right now. just somthing on my mind. any replys would help. Thakyou

_________________________
"same old repitition fealing up and down agen, sorrow is a highway that never seams to end"
- Jeff Austen, Younder Mountain String band

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#126886 - 06/25/06 01:26 AM Re: flash backs
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
usc,

Flashbacks can be very scary, yeah, and it sounds like you had a bad one.

First, a flashback is just the mind recalling a traumatic memory...it comes out as it went in, so that's what it's often so fragmented and disorienting.

Your memory is of you seeing things from the top shelf of the closet because when you were being abused you probably dissociated. I did much the same. I would look at a picture or anything on the wall and pretend I could "go" there. From there I would crawl to a corner of the ceiling and curl up there, pretending it wasn't me being abused in the room below. Abused kids often do such things, and often the memories are from the vantage point of the dissociating child, in my case I "see" things from the ceiling, in your case it's from the closet shelf.

There are several things you can do about flashbacks to "stay present". I am part native American and my sister has made me a Cree amulet that I wear all the time. When feel things going funny, I hold onto the amulet, which reminds me that I am an adult now and not that 11 yo kid. You can also place your feet flat on the floor and feel that, it's real and "present". Do the same thing with your hands. Concentrate on what you feel; that's real and "present".

Another thing to do is to try to identify what triggers you into a flashback. For me it's a quiet still room when I am alone, so now I always have some music on. That helps me a lot.

I guess Ts have different attitudes towards flashbacks. Mine doesn't try to treat them, except to show me the tricks above to stay present. Her view is that as I learn that I can control them and not give in to the confusion and fear, that feeling of being empowered will itself be a useful weapon against them. That seems to have worked very well for me, and it might be something to consider for you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#126887 - 06/25/06 03:25 PM Re: flash backs
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Ah the "movie camera" flashback. I had these ones too. My T says that they are very common for rape victims. As Larry says, it is related to the way you disassociated when you were a child.

The way I dealt with flashbacks was to understand that they are actually a good thing. All a flashback really is is your brain "releasing" information about your abuse to your conscious mind. This is happening for a reason, usually because you are "ready" for the memories, i.e., you are somewhere where you feel safe having a flashback.

That said, they definitely suck. One way to make them a little less intense is through grounding, which is what larry was getting at in the post above. Next time you see your T, ask him to teach you some grounding exercises.

TC,

Nobby

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#126888 - 07/12/06 08:16 AM Re: flash backs
Syntaxed Offline
Member

Registered: 07/12/06
Posts: 54
Loc: St Louis, MO
I started having flashbacks two weeks ago, and I've had four since then. I'm 39 and was abused when I was 12 to 14, and now I'm reliving the abuse in vivid detail. I just got a new psychiatrist and she has experience with PTSD and sexual abuse, but I'm scared to death of future flashbacks. 3 of the 4 I've had were NEW memories - things I'd not remembered before.

I've put up a blog with my flashbacks, primarily so my wife could read them without me talking about them out loud. If you'd like to read them and tell me if my experience is normal or not, it's at http://www.sleepeatrepeat.blogspot.com. Be warned, I tried to make it restrained, but it's still a little graphic. Please forgive me if I'm not supposed to post this, it's only my second post, and to be honest, I need people to talk to who know what I'm feeling.

Thank you.

_________________________
At present: 1 step forward, 3 steps back.

http://sleepeatrepeat.blogspot.com

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