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#126811 - 04/19/04 08:17 PM birth defects
nordicelt Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 15
Loc: Kenosha, WI
Hello everyone,


I would like to tell you a little bit about my history.

While my mother was pregnant with me and my twin brother, the Doctors put her on an anti-seizure medication called Dilantin. I was born with several congenital defects. My twin brother died a month after we were born.

I was born with severe facial disfigurement including a clift palate and cleft lip, stunted cerebellum growth, an imperforated anus and chrionic ear infections. Some parts of my skull grew too much and other parts of my skull were just malformed. My twin brother looked like a perfectly healthy baby, but he was in my father's words, "a vegatable". My mother told me that my twin died from SIDS.

The surgeon who operated on my anus, botched the operation which as a result left me incontinent during my entire childhood and into my teens.

My facial disfigurement lasted for the first 22 years of my life with a few surgical operations throughout that time period. The biggest change took place when I was 22. After my face healed from the last operation, The Reconstructive Cranialfacial Surgeon told me for the first time in my life my skull was now anatomically correct. He then went on to brag that my skull is a product of science, not of nature. Much of the material under the skin of my face is comprised of metal plates and bolts instead of just being comprised of 100% bone matter. No, I do not set off metal detectors at airports. I was never sent to a Psychologist to prepare me for the change before it happened and my parents forbade me to seek help in adjusting to my newly changed skull afterwords.

I experienced physical, sexual, emotional and mental abuse nonstop for the first 22 years of my life. I was treated like a monster. When guests would come to the house during my childhood, I was either chased into the woods. locked in the attic or sent to the cellar of our house.

I was not allowed to touch anyone. As a child I did not really know what it was like to be hugged of kissed on the cheek. When I was 3 years old, I tried to hug my father. He kicked me so hard I actually flew backwards. I never made an effort to touch anyone again. When I was 5, my mother caught my paternal grandmother holding me. My mother berated her and hit me. My mother told me not to ever let anyone touch me again.

Things only got worse when puberty set in. My body was going through changes and no one explained what was happening to me. The only way I learned about puberty was from the books I read. This is also when the sexual abuse started.

After I became anatomically correct, my family and all those other people I knew treated me like a human. I was no longer thought of as a monster. I was angry at my family and a lot of other people for many years after the change in my appearance.

I did pay a price for the operations I experienced. I now have trigeminal neuropathy, migraine headaches and hearing impairment. Another price is that of added vulrunability. If I am ever hit in the head or face, I will die within a few minutes.

I just wanted to provide some backround infor mation about how I became who I am.


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#126812 - 04/19/04 09:51 PM Re: birth defects
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Nordicelt I can hear your pain and suffering. The neat thing is that you are here with us and that is what is important. You have joined the best bunch of guys I have ever known.

Stick with us brother.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#126813 - 04/20/04 03:02 PM Re: birth defects
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Nordicelt,

You have overcome so much! You are able to come here because you had the strength and tenacity to survive all that and the hope for something better.

I hope that you are working with a therapist now. Your parents should not have denied you that. Hell, they should not have most of what you described. But you have the choice to do better for yourself now.

I am glad that you have decided to be here. Mike's right. This is a wonderful group here. Keep coming back.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#126814 - 04/22/04 02:25 PM Re: birth defects
nordicelt Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 15
Loc: Kenosha, WI
Hello everyone,

Thanks for your support.

During the past few months,I have been seeing a Psychiatrist once a month and a Psychologist once a week.

Both of these providers are very good. They don't just sit in their chair and nod every few minutes. They take the time to explain what is happening to me and try to understand what I am going through. My Psychiatrist has put me on a psych med regimen. I am taking 30mg of Remeron and 25mg of Seroquel. Both are taken once daily. So far I have not experienced any negative side effects.

My Psychiatrist explained to me that SA and/or being raped has such an impact on the brain that the brain's chemistry changes and becomes imbalanced. He went on to say that the role of the meds he prescribed are to help me sleep and to bring about a balance in my brain's chemistry. I have not noticed much of a change yet, but I only started taking these meds two months ago.

My Psychologist explained to me that what I am experiencing now is still PTSD,but now that has triggered a rubber band effect meaning that the abuse I experienced as a child has collided with the rape incedent. When I saw him yesterday, I told him it's as if I am in an emotional tornado. He told that is exactly what is happening. Finally I have someone in real time who can explain to me why I think the way I do, feel the way I feel and behave the way I am behaving.

Of course neither one of these men can provide me with any emotional support. That is not their role. So, I still have this big gap in emotional support in real time. The gap is really starting to grate on me. This only making my anger and frustration worse.

Well, I am done ranting and complaining now.


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#126815 - 04/23/04 10:33 AM Re: birth defects
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
NOrdicelt

You said:

Quote:
Of course neither one of these men can provide me with any emotional support. That is not their role. So, I still have this big gap in emotional support in real time. The gap is really starting to grate on me. This only making my anger and frustration worse.
That is what we are for. You can rant all you want here. There are plenty of strong shoulders to lean on and if you need to you can even cry here. We all know where you are coming from.

You can pm me anytime you want. Take care bro.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#126816 - 04/23/04 01:56 PM Re: birth defects
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Tim,

What a story, what a history, what a guy you are.
I'm sorry that I haven't said, "hello," and "welcome", earlier.
This certainly is the place to rant and rave and you certainly have reason for ranting and raving.
I can never figure out why people can't simply love the children that they have. My heart goes out to you for having to endure such a beginning to life. I am glad that you've found us and that you may want to become a brother, here. You are most welcomed and I hope that you will find some solace, here, among your other brothers.
I know how important these guys have become for me since I found this safe place in which I could open my heart and have these wonderful men reassure me that I was not alone.
Tim, you are not alone any longer, welcome home.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#126817 - 04/23/04 02:31 PM Re: birth defects
nordicelt Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 15
Loc: Kenosha, WI
Hello Mike,

Thanks for responding to my most recent post.

I will continue to post on this board as needed.

Nordicelt


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#126818 - 04/23/04 09:11 PM Re: birth defects
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hi Nordiceit,

Thank you for trusting us with your story. I ache for your little boy who was so brutalized by the people that should have loved and cuddled you and made you feel that there was absolutely nothing wrong or bad about what had happened to your skull and face.

You inspire me frankly. I have a tendency to get down because I have a lot of pain. Your story reminds me that my attitude makes the difference between being happy or being sad.

I once heard it said that:"Suffering is inevitable, but misery is a free choice." You could not avoid the suffering, but you sure have not allowed the misery to control you.

I hope you find lots of emotional support here--and when the time is right and safe, the special person who will make you know beyond doubt that you are loved for who you are.

Peace to you--and many, many thanks for sharing this with us.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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