Darrel,

Looking back I can see where that would have been the issue you faced as a child, teen, and adult. In that you are not alone as I know that others here have experienced the same thing.

I'm not sure there are any "better" ways of handling this stuff. As boys our boundaries were shattered. Each of us developed ways of dealing that fit our personality, environment, mental health, and probably a host of other factors. I'm not sure one way was any better than another. No matter which way we did it, there was damage that resulted.

What we as survivors need to face today is to learn reach out to others from a place of safety, while still taking the risk that in doing so others they will reject us. If we can learn to do that and not be devastated by the rejection, we've won a huge battle.

Lots of love to you, Brother,

John

Larry, You have nailed it. I like your "no man is an island" analogy. I simply cannot go blithely on my way now that I am feeling a little more "normal", leaving my brother's here who are just beginning this journey to fend for themselves. I am compelled to stick around and share with them the fact that they are not alone, that there are genuine people here who understand and care.

I know how stunning it was for me last August 28, 2005 when I entered chat as a first timer, and you and Sabooka were so kind to me. That kind of compassion and acceptance is crucial here for those who enter these gates.

I also believe it is a crucial thing for those of us who are still on the journey but further down the road as well. Like you say, it is how I find "meaning an healing". To those who say that this place should be wholly about me and my recovery I would say "speak for yourself". I do not live in a vaccum. I was wounded in relationship and the only path to healing is in relationship. Further I would say to you, "step back and look at it again. This place is ALL ABOUT relationship. If it were not it would not exist because it would not work."

OK, I'll get down off my soapbox now

Lots of love,

John

Brothers,

I just reread this thread. All of it lofty stuff, and I believe, still pertinent.

I'm glad I had this dawning of realization when I did as my life has been turned upside down in recent weeks by relationships much closer to home, in the real world. It's done me a world of good to go back through this thread and read each of the contributions here.

I covet your thoughts and prayers as I process and attempt to work on my "real world" relationships.

Lots of love,

John