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#1267 - 07/29/04 10:37 PM Re: Would I talk to you the way I talk to me?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Glad you are going to try it brother of mine ;\)

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#1268 - 07/29/04 11:00 PM Re: Would I talk to you the way I talk to me?
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
We do tend to be tougher on ourselves than others. I'm glad you are seeing it and taking steps to remedy the situation. Definately not easy.

Take care my brother, penguin,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#1269 - 07/30/04 08:07 AM Re: Would I talk to you the way I talk to me?
Malidin41 Offline
Member

Registered: 07/01/04
Posts: 140
Loc: Utah
I am glad to see that you are trying to do things to improve things you do not like about things you do. I hope you are not being to hard on yourself though. I wish you luck with everything and look forward to reading more of your writings and replies.

_________________________
Mother of the kingdom of silence I have obeyed you long enough!!!

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#1270 - 07/30/04 10:59 AM Re: Would I talk to you the way I talk to me?
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
Isn't it interesting how our vision is so clear when looking outward yet so cloudy looking inward?

If you spoke to me with the same words that my inner voice uses toward me, I would hunt you down and beat you senseless.

If I could give myself as much honesty as I am given by you, I would be off talking to myself instead of here talking with you.

Aden


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#1271 - 07/30/04 12:26 PM Re: Would I talk to you the way I talk to me?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
I think when we are helping others and guiding them it is the true us in action. When we try to live by what we preach our true self is screwed up by the Committee of Assholes in our Brains that say "Bullshit you know you can't do that you worthless PIECE OF SHIT. You know what you are and what you do best so DONT TRY AND CHANGE ANYTHING"

I tell you I am gonna find a way to fire that Committee one day. I can cut them off now and then and talk back to them. But one DAY !!! Well!!!

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#1272 - 07/30/04 12:48 PM Re: Would I talk to you the way I talk to me?
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
Well said Mikey!


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#1273 - 07/30/04 04:11 PM Re: Would I talk to you the way I talk to me?
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Marc,

The CO@ (yep, since this is public, I use euphamisms even in abbreviations :p ) do the same thing to me, too. As a matter of fact, my sister and I had this conversation when I told her of making bargains with myself over suicide or hanging on. I told her I was natually a coward when it comes to dying, so these bargains were a sucker bet for me.

She responded, "there you go again! If someone else told you what you went through and then said 'I'm a coward,' would YOU agree with them?"

"No," I mumbled.

"Then I don't ever want you to say that about yourself again. You're NOT a coward. You're a survivor. Sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is to put our feet on the floor in the morning."

Something I've heard over and frigging over. SOmething I'm trying to GET into my head. Maybe someday I will.

Your idea, Marc, doesn't sound bad right now. \:D

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#1274 - 07/30/04 05:42 PM Re: Would I talk to you the way I talk to me?
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Mike well said, our brains are indeed scrambled, we all make mistakes in how we perceive things.

We are all hard on ourselves, but we mean no pain to others, we are all at different stages of recovery, nothing seems to be normal at times, no-one seems to care, I care, I think of everyone as brothers in this group with hopefully no indifference.

A lot of what I read in the group would be of great value to anyone researching the subject, equally of value as it is to us as survivors.

Peace

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#1275 - 07/30/04 06:48 PM Re: Would I talk to you the way I talk to me?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Marc
this is so true, we can all talk a good fight. Especially when we're giving support and help to others. We say the right things, we can even quote the right research and books. But do we always apply what we preach to ourselves? do we hell!
There's a common saying around here -"don't do as I do, do as I say" and it's a truism, we realise that we know what's going on, and we have the ability to share that knowledge, but so often we we fail to apply that knowledge to ourselves.

Today I've bought a book called "Focusing" by Eugene T Gendlin. The book's been around for 25 years and seems well respected, Gendlin is a psychologist at the University of Chicago, and a psychotherapist.
Reading the introduction he appears to be promoting a slightly different approach to therapy by getting in touch with our 'gut instincts' and focusing on them, it's something like that anyway. And if the book makes any sense I'll let you know. He might just be re-packaging therapy in a slightly different manner, who knows?
But maybe this focusing on our first intuitive instinct when problems arise is a possible answer to figting our own fight?

Dave

The "Focusing" web site.
http://www.focusing.org/bios/gendlin_bio.html

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#1276 - 08/01/04 01:21 PM Re: Would I talk to you the way I talk to me?
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Marc - that's how I started to recover! When I realised that I was the only person that was judging myself negatively.

Whatever I have typed here, I have only received support in return.

Whatever I have told my real friends, I have only received support in return.

Whatever I told My T and selected people at work, I have only received support in return.

That's when it dawned on me - Why was I judging myself over something that I had no control over?

I couldn't really give myself that answer!

Yes, let's all support each other, but don't forget that very important person...yourself!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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