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#126414 - 04/03/04 10:06 PM Re: Sexual Abuse Definition(front page)
MikeNY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
You can create hyperlinks to a page that gives detailed definitions for highlighted words.

_________________________
"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

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#126415 - 04/09/04 04:42 PM Re: Sexual Abuse Definition(front page)
MikeNY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
If it is possible, I would like to see some stuff added about some things.

Myth:
Women are not capable of committing these crimes when men are involved.

Myth:
An erection = consent.

Myth:
Men always consent to sex when women are involved.

FACT:
Women use or take advantage of alcohol and other things to commit sexual assault.


I will get some detailed information from professional sources refering to exactly what I am intending to say here if you would like.

The predator, yes that is what she was, that assalted me drove 40 miles crossing state lines to commit her crime.

_________________________
"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

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#126416 - 04/18/04 04:15 AM Re: Sexual Abuse Definition(front page)
HAWKEYE Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/18/04
Posts: 3
Loc: PHILA PA
Hi guys,
I am new to the group. I have been looking for a place to explore what happened to me when i was a child. I am a bit confused as to whether this is the place to discuss it, as the first person in this message board has discussed. I was abused by my older brother. I was 4 or 5 and he was 11-12 and it lasted for 7yrs. Is this group for me? Are most of the members here father-son incest survivors or is this for guys with my experience, also. Please let me know and maybe the moderators of this site should reconsider the definition of abuse.


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#126417 - 04/18/04 11:34 AM Re: Sexual Abuse Definition(front page)
MikeNY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
You will find much help here. You have come to the right place. The wrong message forum, but the right place. You will get the most answers to your questions if you post in the "Male Survivor" forum.
:-)

_________________________
"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

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#126418 - 04/18/04 11:38 AM Re: Sexual Abuse Definition(front page)
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1314
Loc: Northern Ohio
Can you actually define Sexual Abuse in is entirety?
There are millions of Sexual Abuse Victims in the World. With so many cultures, religions & social policies dictating what is right & wrong, moral & taboo, acceptable & unlawful, And the millions of different experiences, How can we realistically define Sexually Abuse in an absolute?
The definition that MS provided, was not meant to Exclude any one or group. It is more of an introduction, a “validation by example”, rather than a ruling.
By “validation” I mean, “Yes, what was done to you, is Horrible.” Providing a simplified definition of Sexually Abuse here, at MaleSurvivor, is but One step.
Look around. Read the posts. Talk in chat. You will see Sexual Abuse being defined constantly.
This entire Web Site defines Sexual Abuse. With every post, we discover what Sexual Abuse is, in its endless forms, and the long-term effects on us. Sexual Abuse can not be defined simply. And Sexual Abuse can not be defined solely by the physical acts that take took place.
Sexual Abuse is more terrible than the sum of its parts. Those parts being (& not excluding) every other, or any combination, of abuse & neglect humans can wield upon another.
Whether by what we saw, or touched, or smelled, or felt, or tasted, or heard; they hurt us.
That “hurt” is so profound, yet No spoken or written word will ever be able to provide a complete definition of the thing we call Sexual Abuse.

_________________________
They will not Give us peace, we must find it ourselves, we have the power within us, we will find it together. -Blacken

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#126419 - 04/20/04 01:55 AM Re: Sexual Abuse Definition(front page)
subdeacon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 83
Loc: Florida
Hawkeye,
Yes, unfortunately, you do belong here with us. On the brighter side, you found us. I'm sorry for the reason you are here, as many said to me when I first came here a month or so ago, but I must say this place has been a great help to me in my first steps in recovery. My brother who was three years older than I was my main perpetrator and it lasted for about 3 or 4 years. I have also learned, through reading and therapy, that many of the behaviors of my mother and family were very inappropriate and if not outright abuse/covert incest, was skirting the edge of it.

TRIGGER ALERT:

To others who wrote on the subject:

I would also say that a woman can rape a man. My first sexual encounter with a woman ocurred when I was 19 (she was 24 and a Grad Student). I got drunk (I was never much of a drinker) at one of her parties and she seduced me. When she asked if I really wanted to have sex (after she had said we weren't going to to my relief...but that was just a lure to get me to, I found out), I said "No." Apparently "no" does not always mean no in her book. She started up anyway. I dissociated completely and felt like I was physically next to, beside myself. I was not in my body anymore. It's the oddest feeling! At any rate that seems to fit all of the criteria for rape or at least the inability to give consent (intoxification) and, well yes, rape, since I said no and she went on with it. Yes it's true an erection does not = consent in any way shape or form. I hope this did not trigger anyone. I hope that my warning was enough.

I wil also add that the woman who raped me was later fired from a job as a teacher in a private school. It seems she had a penchant for younger men. She was caught having affairs with the older students at her school.

God Bless
Philip

_________________________
"By way of trials and sufferings we must purify the divine image in us...for it is by reforging our senses in the furnace of our trials that we free them from defilement and assume our royal dignity. --Abba Philimon

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#126420 - 04/20/04 11:12 AM Re: Sexual Abuse Definition(front page)
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
What Sexual Abuse Means to Me

Sexual abuse is when one gratifies oneself by using any facet of another person's sexuality without regard for that person's physical, spiritual, emotional, or mental well being.

It's a purely selfish act. I suppose it might be done with deliberate intent to harm, but I have a feeling that most of the time it's not. I don't think age really has anything essential to do with it, no matter what the law says. The law defines legality but is quite blind to justice.

Hawkeye,

With that de>
_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#126421 - 04/20/04 02:07 PM Re: Sexual Abuse Definition(front page)
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Ken

I'm sorry, I'm coming to this discussion a little late. Maybe it would be overload to put all that on the front page, but I think it should be somewhere close--Mike's idea of linking to it is a good one.

I think that seeing the words defined in that way (especially the differences between consent/compliance/cooperation) could go far in putting a survivor's guilt about "saying yes" to rest. I didn't find it confusing.

SAR


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