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#126378 - 03/10/04 06:21 PM i need some advice...
irishguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/04
Posts: 231
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
hey guys,

i need your thoughts on this,i got a call this morning from someone lookin for translator (im a sign language translator),for a court case,it is usually not a problem,,but this case is a child sex abuse case,the victim is a deaf boy and a translator is needed to translate his statement to the police, i dont know what to do ,part of me says "do it,your helping the kid to talk about it" then another part of me is sayin " no,it will hurt you to hear what he says it will bring back your memories"....

im really lost guys... what should i do...

Go raibh míle maith agaibh as bhur gcúnamh!
^^(Thank you very much for your help!)^^

_________________________
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

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#126379 - 03/10/04 07:12 PM Re: i need some advice...
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Wow Irish,

That is a tough decission to make. I don't think that I can say one way or the other.

Doing it could be very hard on you. Bringing memories and feelings of the SA upfront. It definately would take a great deal of strength on your part and could be very rewarding. I don't know if I could handle it, definately could not have handled it a year ago, for that matter three weeks ago. Maybe I could this week (ignoring the fact I can't sign), these last two weeks have been very good.

Then, not doing it could bring feelings of regret and abandonment.

The most important thing is to keep yourself safe, in a safe place emothionally. There must be other another translator available. The choice wiether you accept this assignment is entirely up to you and what you can handle.

I wish you the best. No matter which way you go, you are a winner.

Take care,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#126380 - 03/10/04 08:24 PM Re: i need some advice...
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
I don't thik I could do it if he is still a kid--otherwise, I THINK I could handle it. Still, I have kids tell me their stories a couple of times a year--it hurts but I make it through it.

You know yourself best. If you think you could do it, you could undeerstand the kid better than anyone else.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#126381 - 03/11/04 12:31 AM Re: i need some advice...
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Hey Irish - I agree with the guys that you are the best judge! You are recovering from some very significant trauma. You need to help yourself first. If you can do that while helping the deaf lad, you have your answer. If not, you might try getting another translater you know does not have an abused background. Good Luck!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#126382 - 03/11/04 01:47 AM Re: i need some advice...
brian-z Offline
Member

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
Just tell the court you have a conflict of interest.


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#126383 - 03/11/04 09:48 AM Re: i need some advice...
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Brother,

I can't say what is right for you. You're the only judge of that. If I can hazard a guess, you SEEM to be leaning toward not doing it because you might be too fragile emotionally and mentally.

If you have those kinds of doubts, I wouldn't do it. If there's someone else you know who can (another transaltor you trust and know they are understanding, compassionate, etc.), I would refer the case to them. Brian said it best, it may be a conflict of interest and that's all you have to say.

It takes courage to say "yes" in a hard situation. It sometimes takes even more courage to say "no."

Sometimes we lack THAT kind of courage.

No matter what, you're a good man, a strong man, and an asset. Never forget that, no matter what you do in this situation.

I'm thinking about you, bro. I care.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#126384 - 03/11/04 05:54 PM Re: i need some advice...
irishguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/04
Posts: 231
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
hey guys,

first off,,thank you all so much for your help and advice you have all been so nice to me since i arrived,thank you,

i came to a decision on my problem with the help from a fellow survivor id like to thank him for his help.

well, you all read above of the problem i was havin,and i feel i made the best descision for myself i dedcided in the end that i would accept the job, i feel that in acceptin this job it will help me to deal with my own problems,not only from the point of veiw that i am givin this deaf boy a voice of experiance,but also that if the case is succesful and this abuser go's down i will know i had a small part to play in it and that would be the best feelin for me...

i spoke with the boys socail worker today and i explained my situation and she said "once you are able and feel strong enough to do this job,then you will be a great benifit to this boy"...

so i have an appointment tomorrow with the socail worker to go over the story and i am prayin i will be strong enough..
i will keep you guys posted....

Go raibh míle maith agaibh as bhur gcúnamh!

_________________________
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

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#126385 - 03/12/04 02:21 PM Re: i need some advice...
irishguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/04
Posts: 231
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
hey roland,

thanks for your support,i hopefully made the right desciseion. i will have a chance before the court case to speak with boy before any questions are asked so that might be little help, im prayin that everything go's ok for me and the boy,,

oh and your qoute at the end of your post,
never have i heard a truer word.

thanks to you all,you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

_________________________
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

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#126386 - 03/12/04 08:36 PM Re: i need some advice...
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Irishguy,

This is certainly an exciting string. I know that you guys have caught all of the allegorical stuff included but I just have to point out the obvious.
Mr. Irishguy, you have taken on, taking the voice for a deaf boy. My God, you’re giving all of us, “deaf boys,” a voice.
There is a message in this for all of us. We need to speak up for ourselves; we need to speak out for others of us who are too young, too frightened, or too infirm. We need to speak out for those boys who were harmed last night, for those boys who will be harmed tonight, for those of us who will be abused tomorrow night.
Thank you, IG, for allowing us into a part of your life that is so significant for us all.
If anyone asks what you do, tell them that you are a speaker for those of us who don’t have a voice.
You have my profoundest respect, and if you get the chance, tell that young man who you’re helping that we think that he is brave and that we’re proud of him.
Ya, and what you’re doing is brave and we’re SO proud of YOU.

An admirer and friend,

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#126387 - 03/12/04 11:04 PM Re: i need some advice...
TwinBrother Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/28/04
Posts: 4
Loc: USA
Hello, Irishguy

I warmly congratulate you in your unselfish decision to assist a fellow sufferer.

My only regret is, not being able to help in some way.

_________________________
"A door slamming makes one jump, but it doesn't make one afraid. What one fears is the serpent that crawls underneath it." –COLETTE

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#126388 - 03/13/04 04:01 PM Re: i need some advice...
irishguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/04
Posts: 231
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
hey guys,

OMG, you guys are the coolest ive met ever,your words have all touched my heart and have helped me along the way so much,when i come on here and read the all the replys to my post it recharges my courage to help this boy,i know i will have a tough time ahead but i also know i have you guys to turn to when im down and that means so much to me it cant described with words,

and dave your post really made me smile, it brought tears to my eyes to see someone type such kind words about me, thank you friend..

thank you to all of you,i wish i could hug each and every one of you.

Go raibh míle maith agaibh as bhur gcúnamh!
Go mba seacht bhfearr a bheas tú bliain ó inniu!

_________________________
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

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#126389 - 03/13/04 04:21 PM Re: i need some advice...
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Boy, did I misread your intentions! \:D

But, since you have the desire and the strength, you have a chance to do something powerful and I'm proud of you.

You are a voice, boyo. You're giving this child a chance to let HIS voice be heard.

A great thing. A good thing. And a noble thing.

I'm proud of you and I hope you let us know how things go. And if they don't go, legally or otherwise, the way you want, just remember, HIS story is out there now. No matter what, the abusers have no place to hide anymore.

Peace and love, Irish. I'm proud to know you.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#126390 - 03/15/04 09:05 PM Re: i need some advice...
irishguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/04
Posts: 231
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
hey guys,

well today was the first day workin with the boy,
i was so nervous this morning when i woke up i felt sick i was so worried,

the interveiw took place in the boys home so as to make him a bit more comfortable,i spoke with the socail worker and asked if we could speak with boy for a few mins before the interveiw started there were a few reasons for me askin 1. was so i could see how he signed and make sure i could understand him 2. was so i could indroduce myself and make sure he was comfortable about signin to me.

it was the weirdest feelin when i sat down with him,but i felt a bit better havin the Socail Worker there so as he had someone he knew there ,the look on his face was so innocent and empty of feeling if ya know what i mean. at first he was very hesitant to sign to me he would answer with "yes" or "no" or "i dont know".... i asked the SW if me tellin him about my past would help and she said it could be worth a try,i felt that if he could connect with me he wouldnt feel so alone and wouldnt be so scared of talkin about his SA,i told him breifly about my own SA and that he should never be afraid to tell someone,i told him it wasnt his fault,and that notin bad would happen to him for tellin,and i reassured him as much as i could before we had to start the interveiw....i cant speak about the interveiw for obvious reasons,but i can say it was hard to hear what he said but it also made me happy to see him speak out...

thats all for now guys, ill keep you posted

Slán go fóill!

_________________________
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

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#126391 - 03/16/04 08:12 AM Re: i need some advice...
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Great work, truely something to be proud of.

Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#126392 - 03/20/04 02:24 AM Re: i need some advice...
subdeacon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 83
Loc: Florida
Great news! When I first made the decision to start recovery and find a therapist, I got called to Jury Duty. Alsthough the case idd not involve SA it was a physical abuse case. I got picked for the jury and we were able to convict the perp. It was a 4 hour deliberation and two of us stuck to our guns. I feel like it was one of the best things I've ever done. I hope you come away from this experience with the same feeling!

_________________________
"By way of trials and sufferings we must purify the divine image in us...for it is by reforging our senses in the furnace of our trials that we free them from defilement and assume our royal dignity. --Abba Philimon

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#126393 - 03/26/04 07:52 AM Re: i need some advice...
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I hope that you are able to get out of it. If it is something that would trigger you and be difficult for you, you need to think of yourself first right now. Think of it, this child, they will get a translator for him. It does not have to be you. You need to be safe for yourself.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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