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#125879 - 01/07/04 03:38 PM Happy birthday brother
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Makar,

Tomorrow is your birthday. Your 22nd birthday. You should be such a man now. Finished with school, finish with university maybe. Finding yourself in your life. Creating it. Growing into the person you are meant to be. Discovering your talents. Your future. Your love. Yourself. You should have your thoughts. Your opinions. Your beliefs. Your character. Whether you grown to be a good man, or grown to be criminal, it is no matter. I am your brother. I would love you. I do love you. Always I have. Always I will.

You know these things. You know all this. You feel my heart happy and hurt when I think of you. You feel the guilt that still is weight on my chest. I know you try to lift these from me. Sometime I can feel you do it.

Sometime I can feel you so close. Sometime it is like you are nothing but dream. Some nights, I can look in the sky, and imagine you looking back at me. I can see the brightest star and know that it is really an angel. Some nights, I look to the sky and see nothing but dust, and the flames of star fire burn out millions of years ago, and wonder if anything is real.

I am sorry to spend so many years afraid to remember you, to know that you even were. I am sorry to spend so much time not to remember your face. To be gone, that is such sorrow. To be forgotten, such indignity to you.

I wish you are here right now, so that I can put my arms around you, and tell you your brother loves you, is so proud of you. I have someone, who is not my brother, that I can still do that with. He is a good person, someone that any older brother would love and be proud of. Of course, you know that. You picked him out, and send him to me. Thank you for doing that, to give me second chance to be a brother.

Happy 22nd birthday my brother. I just wish that they all have been here on this earth, with mom and me. We love you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I felt and watched it get away from me
And I know every reason I was left behind
The easy part was knowing
The hardest part was saying it out loud
I let you down

Ashes to ashes
You broke down and I picked up the pieces you left here
And now there's nothing left here to remind me of you
It's all true

Far from the place I used to call my home
I celebrate; this is my holiday from you
Where every thought's a moment
And every moment finds a way to fade
On this day

Ashes to ashes
You broke down and I picked up the pieces you left here
And now there's nothing left here to remind me

Ashes to ashes
You broke down and you left me to pick up the pieces
And now there's nothing left here to remind me of you
It's all true
I'm done with you
I'm done with you

(Goran Kralj)

[img]http://www.angelfire.com/nv2/myjunk/Baby_Makar.bmp[/img]

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#125880 - 01/07/04 04:08 PM Re: Happy birthday brother
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Leosha,

YOU are a brother any younger brother would be proud of.

You've brought tears to my eyes.

I've just begun to be your friend, and I'm more than proud to know you.

Peace.


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#125881 - 01/07/04 04:22 PM Re: Happy birthday brother
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Leosha it brought tears to my eyes too.

P.S. Welcome back my brother :p

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#125882 - 01/07/04 06:01 PM Re: Happy birthday brother
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Leosha,

As I have said in the past, and need to say again, you are a wonderful Big Brother to the memory of Makar. Your memories and words of your brother always bring tears to my eyes. Tears of a wonderful brother caring.

Bless you,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#125883 - 01/07/04 06:04 PM Re: Happy birthday brother
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
My dear brother Leo,

There can be grief in such a loss, but it is a grief with hope, for you have gone on and made your life an example Makar would've been proud of.

Leo, you have broken my heart even as you've made it full. Such a tragedy alone would've broken many others, and yet here you are, teaching, mentoring, making a testament of your life. God, how I respect you!

I don't know if you are a believer, and I don't know if such things are a comfort to you, but it's my fervent hope that God eases your grief and gives you peace. The day when all live again will come, and when you are reunited with Makar forever, he will tell you himself how proud he is of you.

A prayer for the Innocents.

Oh God of many names, master of the universe and all in it.

We cannot profess to know the plan you have for us or Creation, and we don't know your will, but in your infinite wisdom, you have graced us with a gift of our dear child to show us unconditional love.

His full heart and innocent curiosity showed us how we should view the world and everything in it.

His firstborn eyes allowed us to see your works the way they were on that first day many years ago.

While we loved this miracle with all our hearts, and would have been full of pride to see the fulfilment of his unlimited potential, you have seen fit to return him to your loving presence.

Thank you, Celestial God of many names, for this gift and reminder of your goodness, even as we are pained by his leave-taking. Let us rejoice all the more on that day when all are rejoined and there shall be no more death forever.

We feel pain, but the miracle of our beloved child reminds us that there can be grief, as long as we don't lose hope.

In your name, ease the burden of our loss, and allow us to rejoice in the life that was well spent for so short a time on Earth.

God, dear lord, in your name we pray.

Amen.


I wrote this for someone, and I wish to share it with you and all who come here.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#125884 - 01/07/04 07:35 PM Re: Happy birthday brother
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Leosha
You have many, many brothers, and even though all of us together will never be as special as Makar is to you, you are very special to us.

Thank you sharing your Brothers birthday with us.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#125885 - 01/07/04 08:18 PM Re: Happy birthday brother
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2258
Loc: Maryland USA
Quote:
And now there's nothing left here to remind me
Leosha,

There is the love in you. It reminds all of us that your brother was here. He will never be forgotten while you carry that love.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#125886 - 01/07/04 10:55 PM Re: Happy birthday brother
kolisha54 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
Leo - Once again you have us all in tears.

_________________________
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel

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#125887 - 01/08/04 11:59 AM Re: Happy birthday brother
Pollyanna Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/03
Posts: 211
Loc: Missouri
Leosha,

All I can say is

Ya tyebya lyublyu

Lynn

_________________________
"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."

– Anne Lamott

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#125888 - 01/13/04 10:59 AM Re: Happy birthday brother
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Thank you all who shared my brother with me in this post. I appreciate you all, thank you.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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