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#125705 - 04/02/06 06:04 PM not having fun anywhere
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 668
Guys, I know this has come up before, but I don't read a lot of the posts.

Am I in company with some who never had or has fun? I used to believe it was because of MY issues. Now I realize my mom, who is an alcoholic, never ever showed me nor my brothers anything that could be called fun. I'm lonely. You guys are the only ones who know much about really affects me.
Time out though: I posted something like this about 2-3 years ago. I got replies that were work. "Do this! Do that! It worked for me!" The responses were not rude. I just realized that I overwork myself whether it is recovey stuff, school work, real work, or whatever. I overcommit. So I need to relax. Can you help me? I want to try something different. Three years ago when I burned out it was because I had no fun. I didn't know it then, and I was overworking my butt off in recovery and school. Here I am again. I would like your responses, but if you tell me to do, do, do, I may have to......just kidding.


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#125706 - 04/02/06 08:06 PM Re: not having fun anywhere
johnsurvived Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/20/05
Posts: 332
Loc: Arlington, Virginia
Fhorns,

1. Contract bridge, with a group of seven friends.

2. Cooking.

3. Baking.

4. Movies, and not just the current ones, in company with others.

5. Theater, in company with others.

6. Music, either recorded or live, in company with others.

7. Dinner parties with friends.

These are the things that I do for fun, and despite my not inconsiderable tendency toward introversion, most of them are things I do with other people. I have fun when I do them because they are the things that have meaning for me, that speak to some part of me, and that engage my talents and allow me to be spontaneous, do well, and, in short, have fun. If I do these things and do not derive pleasure from them, I will seriously question whether I am slipping back into depression, which has been quite a problem for me, and requires active monitoring.

But, what is it that *you* like to do? If you aren't sure, if you've never quite answered this question, perhaps you might approach it from the angle of trying to figure out what parts of your personality you want to engage and give greater expression to, to get out from under the over-worked feelings. Sorry that this is not the "Just go do X and you'll have fun" answer, but I don't think anyone but you will have as good a handle on what you should do for fun.

John

_________________________
Take for us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards; for our vines have tender grapes. Song of Solomon 2:15

But let justice roll down as waters, and righteousness as a mighty stream. Amos 5:24

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#125707 - 04/02/06 08:17 PM Re: not having fun anywhere
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 668
Quote:
Sorry that this is not the "Just go do X and you'll have fun" answer, but I don't think anyone but you will have as good a handle on what you should do for fun.
Very accurate. It's really...all about me!!

fhorns


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#125708 - 04/02/06 08:19 PM Re: not having fun anywhere
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
fhorns,

As John says, you really have to identify what will give YOU pleasure - what would help you to relax and recharge. Mine would include the following:

1. curling up in front of a good film with my wife
2. dinner out
3. music, especially the blues
4. playing my guitar
5. reading and writing poetry
6. going for a walk with my german shepherd Bruno and his "stick" (fence post)

If I look for the common thread in all these, I guess it would be that I can do that without a lot of advanced planning. They allow me to be spontaneous, and THAT I especially like. There are also some people whose company I just enjoy for its own sake, and with them I guess we could do anything and I would still enjoy myself.

What works for you, of course, will depend entirely on you. But I think anyone can go out - or stay in - and have fun.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#125709 - 04/02/06 11:15 PM Re: not having fun anywhere
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
So far, two lists of activities that work for two different guys, and my own list includes driving in 4x4 competitions, writing, eating out, walking and photograpy to name a few of the things I enjoy and help me relax.

But one thing stood out in Larry's post -

Quote:
They allow me to be spontaneous, and THAT I especially like.
There's a world of difference between spontaneous and organised, and some guys will shy away from organized because it means meeting other people and planning.

I do a mixture of both, but sometimes I will arrive at a 4x4 event where a big group of my friends will be and feel very nervous for the first few minutes, I immediately have a smoke and my stammer appears.
I'm soon over that initial tension though and at the end of the day I'm nearly always last to leave because I've got someond pinned down talking to them \:D

So I can see how difficult and frustrating it could be to break with our present life and then get out, do something, and meet new people.
But I also know it's worth every bit of that effort.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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