Need to add something. I am at the public library right now because I couldn't study at home. In contrast to what I was saying earlier, there were too many shadows, distractions, connections all through our quiet, lonely apartment this morning. Even my dog barely seems to breathe. But I was elsewhere mentally. It's like it's a whole other world sometimes. I knew I needed to get some work done for tomorrow, and I needed to get out of there. So that's why I'm here now.
I also did so because I remember what happened Saturday. That morning I got out of the house early for a 7:30 AA meeting. It was refreshing, I did some errands, then I did another meeting at 10. I felt active, alive. I wasn't plagued by feelings of uselessness or self-pity.
When I get out of the house early, the memories and feelings don't overtake me so bad. This morning they almost did. I needed to share this, because I felt like I just couldn't, even wouldn't, make it. I wanted to scream.
My wife will be home when I leave here. She's safe :-)
Talk to you guys later.