While I agree with the joke subject and inapproite comments in the chat...I also think that people should not base who a person is by their username. Example spell my username (On the forum) backwards you get something pretty wild. Most know what it means but when i was 14 i didn't chose it to be mean or hurtful...I got it off a calvin and hobbes comic...but enough about that. so while I think that we should be carful what we say and do in the chat room. I also think that people should try to take the small things with a chuckle.
Thats my 10 cents...

i thought this thread died months ago ? the jokes if there ever were any are no long a part of the chat ,for those who do use it the chatroom is so different form posting ,its a little harder because it is real time ,not posting without worrying about the response . from what i can see as much healing is done there as on the db maybe more. it really is a special place and i hate for people to have the wrong impression of it . everyone should try it at least once.

Gosh, I remember my first time in chat... I triggered the mod with the train noise. I thought he was joking when he said, "oh no, not the train"... so I did it again... with the evil laugh to boot.

We joke about it now.

There truly is a middle way with chat, you can't stop the jokes, but we have to be mindful at the same time.

There are times when I'm there that everyone is joking (me included) and I'll see a couple of quiet folks, and I'll remind everyone that if anyone needs to discuss something they should speak up.

even if the topic is old, it is a good one.

cheers!

Good point Curtis. When I am in chat, which isn't as often as I would like these days, I like to look over the list and see if I can find any new guys. If so I ask them if they are new and then welcome them. They often need that to get started, and in any case it feels so good to be greeted and welcomed to a site like this where you are so nervous as you get started.

My life was decisively affected by the guy who took an interest in me when I first showed up. Something to remember!

Much love,
Larry

Hi guys,

I believe I will finally weigh in on this topic after watching it in silence for many weeks.

Larry said something that I want to comment on. That is so much the truth for me also. The day I found the MS website and popped into chat for the first time was a day that probably many of the old timers here will remember for years to come. There was a huge controversy raging. I'm not going to elaborate on what it was about simply in fear of starting it up all over again, if nothing else.

I thought to myself that this was not the kind of place I really wanted to be in. There were two gentlemen amongst the group that day that messaged me in p2p in an effort to put me at ease and explain to me that this kind of thing was unusual for MS chat. They spent time with me getting acquainted and generally being the loving men they are.

If it had not been for them caring enough to take time with the new guy, in the midst of all the emotion sloshing around in chat that day, I'd probably never have come back to the site.

I guess what I'd say is this. Things are going to get a bit tense at times in chat for any number of reasons. Sometimes people say the wrong things inadvertently or purposely. Sometimes they just use poor judgment. Sometimes there is emotional stuff that just needs to be discussed. Whatever the case, if a new guy shows up, he needs to get a little personal attention and reassurance. As many of you know, it can be scary as hell stepping in for the first time. Lets make sure we give the new guys a break. It may make the difference in their future participation on the site.

Having said all that, I find I spend very little time in chat, at least in comparison to many of you. Perhaps I'll start another thread about that so I can get feedback from you guys about it. I don't want to divert this thread too far from its intended course.

Lots of love,

John

I hav'nt weighed in on this discussion yet either - but I have followed it and believe that there are some real good points made in respect to being 'mindful' of the other people that are in the room and what might be going through their minds about whatever the conversation at the time is...

I have been in chat here for over 2 years now - I am in there almost nightly - I have many friends that I talk with there - I do my best to welcome new people - and I will sometimes ask someone if they are ok if I see that they are quiet for a long time -

yes - even I am sometimes triggered in chat - but I honestly don't see that as such a bad thing anymore cause there are usualy people there who can talk through with me why something triggered me - and thus a lot of 'real time' healing can take place in the chat room...

just my 2 cents...

TJ jeff

after over 5 years here, if someone anyone needed help I would everytime, my painful childhood is enough to make me want to be helpful.

I think this is the best place for men and young men that have been hurt, and a safe place.

there many guys moderating this place, and millions who want it safe.

HUGS to everyone here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

time to get to a conference or retreat to see some friends,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, talk to you guys soon!!!!!!!
Love MJ

This thread has made so many really good points, and one more occurs to me after reading what John just said.

The chat room is a great resource but it is full of "people", that is, pillars of imperfection. Things can and will go wrong, and an inopportune word can be dropped and have a serious effect in the twinkling of an eye.

But with perhaps one exception (and he doesn't come to the site now) I have never seen anyone come into chat with the aim of looking for trouble. I don't think we need to worry about that, though of course personal feelings can still be hurt.

If that happens to us, or if things get stormy for a few minutes, or if we feel left out, or if someone suddenly leaves, we need to think back to what a great community we have and accept that a blemish will show up from time to time. We can all recall unfortunate episodes, but isn't life itself like that?

Let's all make a special effort to keep chat special, sure, but let's also remember everything in chat is just part of us being human and relating to one another.

Much love,
Larry

Hey Larry did you know that I think you are great!!!!!!!!!

After re-visiting chat tonight for the first time in months, I am reminded of how, um, 'dynamic' and fast-paced it can be, as well as how emotional.

For future reference for new folks, calling someone you don't know and haven't met before a f**king a**hole, and telling them they should meet your perp, are NOT ways to win friends and influence people! I'm rather happy that such things only piss me off now, rather then trigger me.