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#124764 - 10/15/05 11:01 PM Thoughts about commitments during recovery
AuthenticMe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/05
Posts: 287
Hi everyone. I'm pretty new here, but have found the discussion board to be an absolutely amazing resource and refuge.

I am currently in therapy twice a week and am looking forward to starting in a group some time later this year. I say that only to let you all know that I am not totally alone in my recovery: my parents and my girlfriend in particular are incredibly supportive.

Earlier this year, I stepped into the position of president of the board of a local nonprofit. At the time, I very much supported the mission and activities of the organization but now realize (thanks to recovery) that I am not so gung-ho about what we do. The position has caused me a great deal of stress: there is alot of responsibility, little capacity, the organization is transitioning from all-volunteer to having two employees, and our main source of funding is from the local city government, which brings added political stress to the table.

I have found that much of the recovery-related anxiety that I have been experiencing over the past few months is attached to this position. Should I quit? Of course, I would feel that I let the other board members down, but I feel like it's time for me to concentrate on my healing, and not run around trying to save the world, which is what I've been doing for all my life. At the same time, I recognize that resigning wouldn't necessarily relieve my stress - that, I trust, will come with recovery.

Please share your thoughts. As someone who is in the initial stages of recovery (though the memories came up and were disclosed several years ago), I'm not really sure to do. I understand that chaotic feelings are part of healing, but I was curious what other survivors' experiences were with respect to shedding commitments during recovery. When things are so confusing, it's difficult to find the criteria for making such a decision within myself.

Thanks for maintaing a wonderful discussion board. This place vibrates support and caring.

_________________________
I am a Man.

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#124765 - 10/15/05 11:21 PM Re: Thoughts about commitments during recovery
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
HI, AM,

I hope that you were welcomed aboard, and if not, then allow me. Welcome. WE're sorry that you had to go looking for a place like this but we're glad that you've found us.

Your questions ring so true for some of us. All of us, really, but there are a few who, "have run around trying to save the world," to use your words.
However, these are good questions for you and your therapist. You are the ones who know your position and situation. I would encourage you to discuss this with your therapist.
On the other hand, some of us have, "stipped down," as it were, to concentrate more completely on what is at hand. Others would tell you, and they probably will, that if it were not for this or that distraction, be it their work or avocation or hobby, they would simply lose their minds. So, it would be an individual thing.
For me, it was being too busy in order to keep my mind off of the past. Now, some of that is falling off, as I'm more comfortable with myself and I'm finding other interests, things that I've wanted to do but didn't think that I could "go there," art being one.
Good luck to you. I'll bet that you are a valuable member of whatever group you're part of, so good luck, thinking all of that through.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#124766 - 10/17/05 03:54 AM Re: Thoughts about commitments during recovery
AuthenticMe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/05
Posts: 287
Thanks for your post and welcome. I briefly discussed this with my therapist, and will do so again. I am just so afraid something is going to go awry with the organization. It comes down to my issues with control, unreasonable expectations of myself, and fear that I am going to do something wrong that will lead to embaressment, shame, etc.

My intuition tells me I should move towards the discomfort, rather than run away from it. Thanks for your input. This place is great.

_________________________
I am a Man.

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