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#124684 - 06/17/03 10:55 PM Hi
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
Haven't been around much for quite some time. Here's how it goes.

April 17, I learned that my wife was having an affair with a male co-worker. She was ratted out by someone else who works for her. I stuck around the rest of that weekend, quite dazed and not knowing what to do next. That was on a Thursday that I found out. The following Tuesday, after having spoken to my T, I moved out, over to Mom and Dad's house. My old bedroom, just like it was when I left it.

I went back and gave her my "terms" as she called it, under which I would move back into my home. I said I wanted to have marriage counseling, and for her to break off the relationship with him, whom I still did not know who he was. She said I could move back in, but since I was not "intimate, emotionally distant, irresponsible" that nothing would happen or change.

I'm still living with Mom and Dad, and get to see my boys from Saturday noon, or whenever she decides to let them come over, until Sunday around dinner time. I have filed for a divorce. She is not pleased with the amount of support money I have been giving her. I have been sending more than what my attorney recommended. Alot more. So much so that I've been living off a credit card for the last two months. I've hit the bottle a bit more than I should, but have not been drinking and driving. Very very very lonely and afraid. All Mom and Dad wanna talk about is "the divorce" and how I should screw her over. All I wanna do is run away.

Up to 30 mg of lexapro per day now, and the vision is getting blurry, got the shakes, can't sleep, having nightmares again, terrible diarea (sorry if that's more information than you need, but you should know that lexapro, an anti-depressant, can have that side effect at this dosage)

signed up for the retreat in October, for victim/survivors of clergy abuse. Never could have done that if I were still living with her.

She has been so emotionally abusive to me, I feel just like I did when I was had by the priest and the guy next door. The priest is living in town, still, though no longer a priest. The boy next door still lives next door with his parents (he must be late 40's by now) and i saw him barbequeing this weekend whilst my kids were playing in the backyard at Mom and Dad's on Sunday. He's such a pervert.

You don't need to reply to this, just know that I am still hangin in there. No matter what happens, I am still the father of my children, and she is still their mother. I need to be here for them. And always will be. And I am here for you guys as well, though not as much as I would like to be. Always remember, LYLAB means "LOVE YOU LIKE A BROTHER, A SAFE BROTHER" and I still think of you guys often.

Peace

Orodo (aka tel_orod in chat)

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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#124685 - 06/17/03 11:32 PM Re: Hi
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Ordo my brother. I am so sorry for what has happened to you. I have a good friend who is 36 now and was in an abusive relationship with his wife and was abused by his brother from 9-15 years.

The same thing happened to him and he has a wonderful daughter. I am telling you this because after little more than a year he has his shit totally together and is now dating a truly wonderful woman and it is like he is reborn.

You mention the abusiveness of your wife. Ordo it is better to be out of there and you have done the right thing. My buddy got into a group right away and he said it was a great help to him. That is where I met him.

Please Ordo go easy on the booze. It is not worth it ok. And my brother you are not alone. We are all here for you. Please be gentle with yourself and realize that whatever happened was not your fault. Not even the recent past.

Get on with your healing and spend some time with us ok.

Mike


aaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooo

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#124686 - 06/17/03 11:35 PM Re: Hi
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
ty lylab

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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#124687 - 06/17/03 11:56 PM Re: Hi
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hello Marc,

Let me know if I can be of help to you.

You sound very good Marc. You have done well. This has been such a long and painful ordeal for you. It is good that you are there for your boys. If and when they meet Mom's new friend it will be very difficult for them.
You are the only man they want in their life as Dad. You have always been there for them and have been a good father.

I admit that it seems sad to me that you are there and feeling so alone. I hope that your parents and your sister etc. are a good support for you.

Have you heard about marriage mediation? Apparently it is nationwide and is just as legal as the courts, but less stressful for the couple. At least folks that took that route tell me that.

As I say, you know how to contact me if I can be of help to you.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#124688 - 06/18/03 12:44 AM Re: Hi
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Please take care my brother. We will always be here.


love you, Nathan


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#124689 - 06/18/03 03:54 AM Re: Hi
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Orodo
sometimes we need to move on, however painful that is for us and our families.
I'm sure that in time you'll be able to be a better father once you're away from the pressure of your wife.

Take it easy, ...that's a hell of a thing for me to say I know..... but try to take it easy, and look after yourself.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#124690 - 06/18/03 09:41 AM Re: Hi
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Orodo,

Listen to your brothers; there's a lot of love here. And do take care of yourself, not just for your boys or for us, but for yourself.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#124691 - 06/18/03 09:46 AM Re: Hi
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Orodo,
Hello my friend. It's good to see you again. Im sorry for what you are going through. Remember we are here for you anytime you need us. Collectively we have a heck of shoulder for you to lean on, so you dont have to worry about us letting you fall. ((((((((((((hugs my friend)))))))))))
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#124692 - 06/18/03 10:57 AM Re: Hi
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
Thanks, my brothers...

Dean...FYI...her new BF has moved in...

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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#124693 - 06/18/03 01:19 PM Re: Hi
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Orodo:

Quote:
signed up for the retreat in October, for victim/survivors of clergy abuse. Never could have done that if I were still living with her.
It is good that you have at least gotten yourself into a situation where you have more control over your life and recovery, and you can do these things you need to do to take care of yourself.

You sound like a good father. I hope you will be able to see your children more, even have them.

Also hope your wife will get the help she needs as unlikely as that seems right now.

Bobs' idea of mediation sounds good. You deserve a lot better than what you're getting right now IMNSHO.

Hoping also that somehow or another your perps get had. Noticed your concern about the neighbor barbecuing nearby as your kids played. Are you concerned he might abuse them?

Orodo I don't know if you've disclosed on your perps or confronted them or not. Probably not something you want to think about right now. Just wondering about your kids, you seem concerned, as perhaps you should be.

Friend I'm sorry for the abuse you're suffering from. Come here when you can & get help where you can ok? LYLAB.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#124694 - 06/19/03 09:43 AM Re: Hi
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Orodo,

so sorry for what you're going through. it'll get better, it really will. ask for answers to your problems and they will reveal themselves.

a gentle nudge too... give up the bottle my friend, it will only make things worse. alcohol and meds don't mix well, it clouds your judgement and distorts your feelings - making things seem far bleaker then they are.

lylab,

jer


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#124695 - 06/19/03 12:25 PM Re: Hi
Thad Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/28/01
Posts: 1752
Loc: Oakland, CA
Marc,

(((((((((((Marc)))))))))))
(((((((((((Marc)))))))))))
(((((((((((Marc)))))))))))

I so much know what you are going through with your ex - get as much help as you can - early on I had several friends (which I called my support team) that I would check with before I made any response to anything my ex had to say or did - totally did not rely on my own emotions to do anything with her relating to the co-parenting that we continued to have to do -

I eventually learned to set good boundaries with her which included saying "I don't think this conversation is healthy or supports our children - I need to go - perhaps we can talk later" - 'click' -

The hardest part was the negative crap she dumped on the kids - all I could say to them was "well, that is where your mother is at - This is not about you nor is any of it your fault - it is a problem your parents have - I'm sorry it is so upsetting for you - just know that your mother really does love you and so do I - I will always be your father and I will always love you." - I never put her down in front of the kids - ever (It is a gift I gave to my kids) These are>
_________________________
"..this place isn't a discussion forum..it's a portal..." Lupin
"The truth will set you free, but first it will probably piss you off." dwf's AA sponsor.

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#124696 - 06/19/03 09:23 PM Re: Hi
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 989
Loc: Bradenton, FL
(((((((Marc)))))))

You are in my thoughts often. I wish i could help you bear the pain of your life right now. Remember YOU ARE A GOOD MAN. It may be hard to know that , but we here do.

LYLAB

Ken

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#124697 - 06/19/03 09:48 PM Re: Hi
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
You are a good man, a good dude, and you are heading in a positive direction, even if it doesn't appear that way.

big safe hugs...

LYLAB
Jamie

ahhhhwoooooooooooooo (a little plaintive howl, cuz I am feeling your sadness)

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#124698 - 06/20/03 05:51 AM Re: Hi
ernie Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Portland, Maine
Marc, take care of Marc. You are a good man, and all of us support you in your journey. Its not easy don't be afraid to ask for help.

Bob

_________________________
The roads of life are full of stones but, they can be moved take my hand we will help each other.

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#124699 - 06/20/03 09:36 AM Re: Hi
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
thanks guys. I needed to hear all of what you say. I am very fortunate to have found this place and so many good friends. I have learned that I survived much worse than this. I will get through this. For me and for my boys.

LYLAB

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

Top
#124700 - 07/14/03 11:08 PM Re: Hi
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
it still hurts...alot. I am feeling very very disappointed with myself, ashamed, alone, worthless, and so much more.

I recently found out where my priest perp is working part-time, and guess what, I decided to stop by the local convenience store for some smokes. He was working. Ended up drinking myself into a stupor two nites in a row. Praise Odin that I had a good friend taking care of me. He knows who he is. I met him here. Thank you brother. You saved me from myself.

The alone part hurts the most. I can't stand being alone. Living with Mom and Dad is ok, but I am such an inconvenience. When, how, where, will this ever end. Does it ever end? Why won't it stop. What did I ever do to anyone to deserve this?

Sorry to ramble, but i just had to vent something, somewhere. thanks for listening, being my Brothers, lylab...

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

Top
#124701 - 07/14/03 11:31 PM Re: Hi
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Marc,

You're not completely alone, as long as you come back here to vent to us. I know it's not the same, but it's also not really alone, either.

This too shall pass. You will come out of it. You didn't do anything to deserve it.

If you get a chance, take a look at some of the older posts around here. I looked back at some today, not even back to 2002. You'll see that you needn't feel worthless, or ashamed, etc. You're a worthy person who's done a lot to help guys in pain. You made the world a better place, and eventually that better place will get back to you.

Go easy on yourself,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

Top
#124702 - 07/15/03 05:35 PM Re: Hi
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Marc
I'm glad you've come back here for some support and help, and don't look upon it as a step backwards just because you've been there, done that, sometime before.
I bet you haven't forgotten a thing, just been derailed.

Look upon it as just another day at MS, one where you help us and we help you.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#124703 - 07/15/03 06:15 PM Re: Hi
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
you are not alone...

Peace,
James

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

Top
#124704 - 07/16/03 01:12 AM Re: Hi
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
Marc,

I knew things were rough for you but didn't know how bad it had gotten. It must have been terrible seeing your perp.

I have told you to call me anytime you need to talk. You know I mean that.

Hang in there little brother.

LYLAB .... Always.

(((((((((Marc)))))))))

John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

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