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#124438 - 09/02/05 03:06 PM Subject: raising boys
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I got this in an email this morning, and thought it was hilarious,

Subject: raising boys


Raising Boys...
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is
hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin,
Texas...Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear
and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a
paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
long
way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball
hit
by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's
already
too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even
though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV
commercials
show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do
not
like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake
fluid.
25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or
without kids.

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#124439 - 09/02/05 03:28 PM Re: Subject: raising boys
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
And from my own childhood,

If your pet mouse dies, and you make it a coffin from a match box, bury it with its head out.
It will not mysteriously come back to life.

Owl droppings in your car on a hot summers day, is not the best of jokes to play on anybody.

Sugar in a petrol tank does not make a car run any sweeter.

Stretching worms until they snap, does not make two worms.

Pulling the wings off dragon flies, will not make them grow new ones :rolleyes:

Just some of the things in my childhood ;\)

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#124440 - 09/02/05 09:12 PM Re: Subject: raising boys
demonboi Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/05
Posts: 228
Loc: East Coast
Never give a kid cheetos when they're wearing a dressy shirt or anything white.

_________________________
Every corner, every city
There's a place where life's a little easy
Little Hennessy, laid back and cool
Every hour, cause it's all good
Leave all the stress from the world outside
Every wrong done will be alright
Nothin but peace, love
And street passion, every ghetto needs a thug mansion

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#124441 - 09/03/05 01:10 AM Re: Subject: raising boys
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
1. A bowl of cheerios thrown into a fan is the funniest thing in the world.

2. A car hit by peas from a peashooter can stop in 2.1 seconds.

3. A carp in Mom's washtub can knock the standpipe out.

4. A dead carp starts to smell in 15 minutes.

5. Juice sprayed from trying to crack open your own lobster can hit people at a table 8 feet away.

6. The laundry hamper and the toilet look the same at 3 am.

7. Men's hats (1950s) go all funny when laundry and cleaning supplies are mixed in them.

8. Sisters can be tricked into taking ruined hats to Grandpa as a present.

9. Grandfathers believe girls more than boys.

10. Little sisters think that a nickel is worth more than a dime.

11. Mothers believe girls more than boys.

12. A clove of garlic is just one of those bits, not the whole head.

13. "Add one teaspoon of coffee" means liquid coffee, not coffee grounds.

14. Dads never fall for the water in the gin bottle trick.

15. No neighbors within half a mile of a teenager's house like Jimi Hendrix.

16. Going to a restaurant is especially cool because Dad forgets and leaves money on the table.

17. Sisters will rat you out if you don't share it with them.

18. It is not a good idea to try to leap from a boat to the dock.

19. Docks always have dead fish under them.

20. Docks are never in water less than a mile deep.

21. White underwear goes transparent when it's wet.

22. A girl hitting an egg with a tennis racket...THAT's the funniest thing in the world!

23. It takes an hour to wash egg out of a girl's blouse by hand.

24. No sister will back you up when you say it was her dog that threw up on the carpet.

25. Colt 45 in a cake mix is disgusting.

26. The minister next door will always be home when your parents are away.

27. When you are stoned, hiding with your friends under the picnic table doesn't make you less conspicuous.

28. Mothers cannot fix dead rabbits squashed on the street outside your house.

29. Girls don't appreciate frogs.

30. Mothers think its funny to sew the legs shut on blue jeans that have been patched 20 times and are just getting comfortable.

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#124442 - 09/03/05 01:23 AM Re: Subject: raising boys
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Quote:
25. Colt 45 in a cake mix is disgusting.
It SOUNDS disgusting! OH man! That is as hard as I have laughed all day.


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#124443 - 09/03/05 07:23 AM Re: Subject: raising boys
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
In that case I am especially glad I posted last night. Thanks for everything SAR.

Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#124444 - 09/04/05 05:21 AM Re: Subject: raising boys
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
I am still laughing about the Cheerios. I'm going to make my niece try that on Grandma. No milk.

One thing I can offer, that I learned the hard way, 3 times - - - Food fights always leave evidence. (top of refrigerator, ceiling, flower vase).

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#124445 - 09/04/05 05:38 AM Re: Subject: raising boys
gryffindor Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/03
Posts: 131
Loc: St. Charles, Illinois
My daughter and I thank you all for the belly laughs.

Mary

_________________________
"Where there's a will, there's a way." American Folk Saying

"Had I not fallen, I could not have arisen; had I not sat in darkness, I would not have recognized the light." Midrash Tehillim Ch. 22

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#124446 - 09/04/05 11:14 AM Re: Subject: raising boys
sabooka Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 209
Loc: I would like to know also
even little babies who are supposed to smell good make really smelly farts

Jonathan

_________________________
My happiness is not dependant on other people's misery.

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#124447 - 09/04/05 11:47 AM Re: Subject: raising boys
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
If you are doing something you aren't suppose to be doing, it will always be the second child to do it who gets caught, not first.

With three older sisters, little brother is ALWAYS the 'second child'.


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